Am I being unreasonable or is DP? Please come and tell me.

[bumpsnowjustplump]

Back story is that I had some real issues with food, my weight etc when in my teens and really dont want my dc's to have the same, so dont want to make an issue of food......

Anyway DD is almost 4 and DS is almost 2.

They both eat everything BUT both go through real stages of not eating food that I make them (food that they ate the week before.) DS in particuar is really bad. He will go days with out eating dinner. Anyway today ds has not eaten his dinner and after 20 mins or so I remove the dinner and give him pudding (in this case yoguart and banana)when dd is ready for hers.

DP has just said that i encourage him not to eat by giving him pudding when he hasnt eaten dinner. And that I need to get tough with him and not feed him anything else if he hasnt even touched his dinner.....
I on the other hand would hate him to be hungry and the fact that he normally eats so well then maybe is feeling a little poorly or something... I also think that 2 (well 2 next week) is too little to learn this lesson and as his communication is still very limited he cant tell us why he hasn't eaten...

So MN who is right? Thanks in advance

Just give the banana. Fruity/sweet yoghurts are as bad as sweeties.

i offer 3 thing to dd. main meal/bland carb like rice cakes/fruit. in that order. if she refuses all i take her out of the high chair. i think the idea of looking at food intake over a week is very useful in terms of whether there is anything to worry about. infants rarely self starve and if he's only refusing 2 meals a week thats not much to worry about YET iyswim

with my dd (only 16 months so i may have all this to come :-)) i try hard not to 'attend' to fussy eating. i eat my meal and leave her to it. if you/your dp and hovering around worrying about whether your ds is eating then he will pick up on it. even my dh helicopters a bit with our dd and she is much more likely to refuse food or fling it on the floor than when i'm on my own with her.

i think giving a yogurt and a banana is fine btw. if you start denying food altogether then you will end up with issues.

So if your DC don't eat any of their meal (ie, protein/veg) you give them something sweet (fruit) anyway?

DS would just eat fruit if he could.

nagoo because children, when they are born, are very good at regulating their own appetite if you feed them on demand.

when they wean they are still capable of doing this. this is a GOOD thing. they learn to eat when they are hungry, and stop when they are full

if you are bargaining with them and using pudding as some kind of reward then you can end up making them eat when they are not hungry simply so they can have their reward. that will evetually override their natural ability to self regulate their food

it also makes sweet things appear as some kind of holy grail of food... something special that is only allowed at certain times... and what happens? it makes them want it all the more!

food should just be food. a meal can consist of various items, some sweet, some savoury and it shouldn't be a big deal what order they eat it all in

my children don't refuse their meals in the hope of getting pudding, because they know they'll get it anyway. and they know that if they don't eat dinner and have just a small piece of fruit or a yoghurt that they'll still be hungry
so, in general, they all eat up really well. Of course I am well aware that I got lucky with 3 kids who all eat well, but I like to think the way I regard meals has a lot to do with the fact that they don't regularly refuse meals and only eat a pudding

I give a varied meal if they are not hungry then they are not hungry and there for obviously do not have room for yoghurt.fruit either so it doesnt get offered.

thisisyesterday - totally agree.

i think if you refuse the fruit when the dd is sitting there eating hers its a punishment for not eating the main and that will become another issue.

i was a fussy eater as a child because my dad made it such an issue. denying me the fruit course wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. i just would have been even skinnier. mind you theres no way i'd have eaten a banana as a child either. i can just about stomach them now.

Does your DH have much to do with meal times and the aftermath?

My DH can be a bit like yours but I feel that I am more in tune with the DCs' moods and health and know when to let it go. I feel flexibility works best to fit in with the circumstances.

I think sometimes partners can think being tough sorts out the issue but as you said, is 2 years old really old enough to get all this? Personally I think YANBU.

My 2 year old does that too. I would give him the yogurt and banana for the calcium and 5 a day. now if it was chocolate biscuits for pudding, it would be a different matter!

if you make an issue of it he will make more of a fuss and throw a strop to get a reaction because he can. these 2 year olds like to exert their independence.

Thank you all. DP and I had a chat about this and I showed him your replies.

I am going to carry on as i am. AS you all say fruit and yogurt is not going to fill him up and we never do treat desserts only ever fruit and yogurts or jelly etc..

We have open policy on fruit anyway it is all washed the day we buy it and left in the fridge/side where the children can reach it. They dont have to ask and can take it when ever the want it so DS could have just helped himself to the banana anyway..

Bluebell dh does mealtimes as weekends when I work, and is here some evenings during the week too, so is pretty involved. DS had reflux when little and was always underweight, he now is fine and weight back to normal, I think Dh struggled with this more than me and so when ever he fails to eat DH just thinks oh no here we go again...

Thank you all again it has been very helpful x