to leave ds1 screaming upstairs for as long as it takes?

[gobehindabushfgs]

He is 8 and has Aspergers (not that this is an excuse for anything)

He has just told me that he needs an A5 photograph to take into school tomorrow morning - apparently he has known about it since last Monday but "forgot" to tell me

I told him off for giving me no notice and said it was his responsibility to organise himself and let us know if he needs something, it isn't reasonable to expect me to come up with something the night before!

He started sobbing and hitting himself in the face (he does this because he knows I hate it, but apart from gently removing his hands while talking to him I no longer give it attention)

I sent him upstairs to calm down. When he came downstairs dh asked what was wrong and ds1 explained - sh said the same as me

ds1 is now in his room screaming, growling and doing loud, ostentatious crying - I have closed his door (gently) because the rest of us do not want to hear his tantrum (which I said, calmly, when I closed his door)

This comes on the back of several annoying incidences of him not passing on messages from school - overdue library books, needing trousers instead of shorts for PE, that sort of thing

I am Fed Up

so am I being a bitch?

have just skim read through and owuld like ot point out something - fabbychic - you say the OP wants her ds ot behave like a normal child.

he is a normal child. he may not be a typical child, but he is not abnormal.

I don't think you're being cruel, I do think you need to push for a home to school book, it's unfair on him. Either that or the teacher should pass messages directly onto you

Oh...my DS (8) never passes on messages.

I don't get really cross about it.

...he did end up doing PE in his shorts outside in December, which is a horrible thought, but I feel more cross with myself than with him.

maybe I am wrong though, and I should get tougher.

I just think they are so little still at this age.

agree with apocalypse that you should have a system for messages home form school.

expressing your irritation with him is ok - god knows I get cross/fed up/irritated with dd1 (ASD) - all part of parenting.

but it's not really fair when it is somehting he struggle swith, if you/school are not doing anythign to help him.

My 9 year old always forgets until the night before too.
We usually muddle through though I know it can be irritating.

Do you have or could you have a little book for your DS to take to school so his teacher can write messages in that instead of him having to remember?

Small boys just don't remember stuff. My 10 year old without SEN never remembers things. My DS1 who is an aspie and has lots of other learning issues is more likely to remember things. However, he could have the biggest tantrums in the world. It is very very stressful and to all those parents that think it is just like a normal child tantrum THEY AREN'T. When an aspie decides to go for one then the anxiety flips in and they cannot be distracted. I think just letting him be was the right thing to do because there isn't a lot else you can do. Also, speaking from experience, the OP probablly didn't get time to say 'I'll see what I can find' because in the aspie mind he knew that she would be hacked off (who wouldn't) and got himself in a tizz because of that thought would be uppermost - to him it would have seemed like the end of the world. Also aspies can be very good actors so if you think he was being a bit over dramatic then he probablly was - it deflects from the actuality.
He's fine now but I would recommend a home school book or homework diary. If he is getting on OK in school and his literacy is fine then he should be able to write it in himself. Perhaps he could have a designated 10 mins at the end of each day with the teaching assistant so that he/she can go through what he needs to remember. Or maybe you could set up an email contact system with his teacher for them just to drop you a quick line.

I do think it a bit rich for people to be so judgemental. My DS had his last major tantrum in a public place when he was 8. It was one of the worst days of my life. it was loud, very abnormal and he was out of control. There was not a lot I could do to stop it and it was caused by things out of my control (ie someone else's lack of thought). Clearly I was not wrong in thinking that the tutting and huffing from other mothers was not in my imagination.

gobehind, its great that he's getting that much support and understanding from his teacher - I dream of a teacher like that for my ds.

I do know how frustrating it can be and despite all our 'systems' things can and do slip through the net, like last week, when at 8 am ds announced they were making something in craft that afternoon and he should have asked me to buy fabric for it. Deep breath, sort through the fabric box and come up with something that will do, only to be told its not good enough because its not the same colour as his plan!

Turns out his teacher had been off and they'd had a supply teacher who didn't know to write it in his book.

I feel your pain and fully understand the need to come on here and let it out, although I would have done it on the SN board rather than AIBU - its too scary for me over here.

My youngest is 9 and has no SN but forgets stuff all the time, procrastinates, and goes nuts occasionally at home. She has two friends whom she has managed to persuade to wait on her hand and foot in school. They put her things together for her before leaving at the end of the day, right books in bag, right paper for homework exercises, etc. Hats off to her, and I don't know how she did it, but I don't do that for her at home.

Which is apropos of nothing, but 9 year olds can be really, really irritating. It's the supreme age of forgetfulness and there's an element of magical thinking there too, with mum starring as the Good Fairy. All the older DCs (DD4 is the youngest) went through a phase where they would forget their heads if they weren't attached at the neck, and my response was to get very shouty and not pick up the slack for them. I don't know if that did the trick or if they just naturally grew out of it, and I don't have experience of SNs, but sometimes it feels good for a mum to let off a bit of steam too. We're only human.