Here's the back story and have namechanged to avoid anyone piecing all the bits together.
DD is 11, very quiet, very sensible, top average, quite shy, hardworking, has never caused a minute's trouble since she was born. DD is also totally adored by all of us. We are a stable family although the DH and I have just emerged from a rough patch (he had an affair) but it's behind us now. DD is at a small and nurturing secondary for which places are hard fought.
I thought everything was going really well. Excellent reports, good friendship group, settled in nicely. Has told me she's much happier than at primary school.
On Monday night - had a major wobble about never being as good as anyone else and that there was a group in her class who make a noise all the time and she can't concentrate and has got a couple of low marks.
Tuesday get a call from a teacher because scratches have been noticed on dd's arms.
Speak to dd who eventually admits to cutting her arms on saturday with a razor. Nothing deep but a lot of long cuts - looks awful.
dd has said she's feeling unhappy - certain things are going wrong especially at guides which she has always loved where a couple of girls are constantly undermining her.
dd feels that she is hopeless at everything and everyone else is better than her, she tries hard but is never the best, a girl at guides gets level 6's without trying but dd got a level 5a after working really hard, there is a difficult dynamic in her class, she feels she has to be careful about everything she says to avoid being bullied by a group of girls. It also needs mentioning that the DS (15) is g&t academic, sport and music - everything and he appears to hae to make veyr little effort and this has upset her in the past but we really do try to play it down but I know she feels she doesn't measure up.
dd also feels she is ugly and fat (she is utterly beautiful and not at all fat). DD had an early puberty and started her periods at 10 and dealt with it in her stride and has been very grown up about it.
Add into the mix a difficult couple of weeks where a loved pet has been very ill and nearly died(sounds silly I know), builders have just finished in the house, and the DH weekly commutes from the continent (work). There is a possible relocation but not for 4-1/2 years because of dc's education which may also be unsettling her.
DD has said she would like to talk to someone neutral like a counsellor. I have no problem getting this organised and believe our private health care will cover it.
I had no idea dd was this upset, that she had self harmed at the weekend.
I am aghast at my incompetence - thought everything was ticking along fine.
Does anyone have experience of this - what happens on a child's school record when they know about this - what should I do; what can I do, why was I so ignorant of what's going on.
DD has had no mood swings, I thought we were very close, she should have had more attention from me in the last few weeks usually we will do something together on a saturday afternoon but things have just prevented it for a two to three weeks.
Sorry this is long - can anyone help.