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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School run hell

40 replies

Booandpops · 08/02/2011 22:25

My Ds has lately been running amok not crossing roads safely with me, running ahead etc. I've had it with this so I've told him if he can't walk nicely with me and his sister he shall go in a pushchair. He is 3 so a bit old for that as it's a 5 min walk. But I wanted to teach him I won't have him being dangerous near the Rd. ( very busy Rd through village to walk by)
This morning he stepped out off the kerb again right on school gates so I told him he was getting in pushchair. Of course he starts crying and doing the rigid body thing so im having to force him in the chair with all the mums walking by witnessing me. I was calm but had to push him into chair. I'm sure you know What I mean Rigid toddler syndrome.

I'm so embarrassed. god knows what they thought of me. But I've had it up to here with his lack of road safety.

He was good till he turned three now we are suffering the threenager!!! Was I BU?

OP posts:

TattyDevine · 08/02/2011 22:27

YANBU to do what you have to do to keep him safe and to teach him the correct behaviour. A pushchair will do just that - its a deterrant because its for "babies" and it will keep him safe, whilst you await his attitude readjustment.

Dont worry about the other mums.

Littlefish · 08/02/2011 22:28

No, I don't think you were being unreasonable to put him into the pushchair.

However, to save you some stress, can you put him on reins at the beginning of the walk instead and tell him that when he shows you that he can walk nicely for a few days then you will take the reins?

cantspel · 08/02/2011 22:28

get a wrist strap and use it problem solved.

Serendippy · 08/02/2011 22:29

Reins? I know lots of people disapprove but I am all for them if you have to cross busy roads.

slartybartfast · 08/02/2011 22:30

all children do the rigid body thing, so other mum's should be sympathetic.. they all do it.
dont worry about people's reactions. keep him safe.

coffeecoffeecoffee · 08/02/2011 22:30

No, YANBU. It's a dangerous situation and it's important he sees that.

Not that I'm one for bribary - have you tried promising him something if he walks to school and home again properly, and does as you ask? Doesn't have to be food. The other thing I had to do with DS was challnge her not to step on any cracks in the pavement - made her concentrate on that rather than running off.

HTH.

horsemadgal · 08/02/2011 22:30

What Littlefish says.
Plus I don't think 3 is too old for a buggy, but that's a whole other debate!

onimolap · 08/02/2011 22:31

Wrist strap, reins or back pack with a lead, or indeed back to pushchair.

If he won't yet appreciate the danger, then containment is the safest option.

Embarrassment is peanuts compared to injury.

fluffles · 08/02/2011 22:32

a wrist strap or a backpack with the rein thingy is probably better than pushchair as he should really learn to walk... but YANBU.

PaperView · 08/02/2011 22:36

putting him back in the buggy isn't teaching him anything about roadsafety.

You need reins or a wrist strap.

Is he 3 going on 4? or just 3?

geraldinetheluckygoat · 08/02/2011 22:38

I would just put him in the pushchair. Im sure you can do lots of walking at other times, but the school run can be stressful and rushed at the best of times and the least stressful thing to do would be to plonk him in and get to school. Dont worry about the rigid body thing, as others have said we have all been there. You could try reins or a wrist strap, but you might just end up with a limp toddler dangling off the end of them....which is what ds2 used to do

Original poster

Booandpops · 08/02/2011 22:50

Thanks for responses I find when it's just me and him he generally walks ok. It's when I have his sister and other older kids distracting him then he forgets himself and wants to be like the big kids. But doesn't have the same self control as he is only just 3. I'm hoping a week of pushchair will do the trick as he will hate his sisters mates seeing him in it. If not I will have to get a backpack Thingy.

OP posts:

Zipitydoda · 08/02/2011 23:02

My DS age 3 throws a tantrum; lying on pavement, shouting at me, wont follow me etc nearly everyday at the moment on the school walk (also 5 mins). In his case it's because I won't let him go in the buggy anymore as am expecting #3 hurts to push big 3yo in buggy and he needs to grow up a bit! Whatever the cause I only ever get sympathetic looks from other parents - they have almost all been there at some point too. Try to stay calm/ignore 'rise above it' and hopefully the phase will pass.

geraldinetheluckygoat · 09/02/2011 10:13

Good luck! He's still very little so I wouldn't personally worry about it too much, just put him in the buggy if it's easier

mummytime · 09/02/2011 10:34

My worst walk to school moment was when DS was 5 ish and DD1 3, we had to walk DS to school then DD went to nursery. We were out of the house for 2 mins when DD decided she could not possibly go anywhere without some Teddy, which was at home. She screamed, not listening at all as I said we would pop home to get it having dropped DS at school. It was a total melt down.

Then I saw one of DS's classmates and her Mum, and basically dumped him on them to walk the rest of the way to school, so I could deal with DD.

It was awful, but the other parent was very understanding. Small children are programmed to embarass.

I used to cheer myself with the thought that I could always get my own back at their weddings.

crazygracieuk · 09/02/2011 10:38

YANBU I've done the same myself.

Pixieonthemoor · 09/02/2011 11:02

Utterly mortifying, I know but I can tell you exactly what the other mums were thinking: 1) oh, poor mum - I do sympathise as she is just trying to keep him safe or 2) thank goodness that is not me!!! I can guarantee that they were not thinking you were some sort of evil witch so dont worry about that!! My son is 2.6 and I still have him in a push chair as the 10 min walk would take more like an hour with his toddler pace and need to investigate every single twig/leaf/used tissue on the pavement!! Either keep him in the chair or reins or one of those back packs with a lead. Good luck and try to bear in mind that people aren't judging, they are sympathising!

LizzyLiz · 09/02/2011 11:05

I think you need to do whatever you find necessary to get him and your other DC to school safely.

My almost 4 year old was a nightmare for quite a long time on the school run. He would refuse to walk suddenly or else run off. It was awful to deal with and always when we were in a hurry to get there and I didn't have time to stop and humour him.

I tried reins which he hated but he would just hang off them. I did a few half mile school runs with a shrieking kicking 3 year old under my arm which was physically very hard and mortifying because he was so loud and I knew the whole playground was watching us!

The good news is that he has grown out of it!The threat of reins worked sometimes, same with the pushchair and my top tip is to always have some kind of snack to bribe with, either to get him walking or to reward behaving well when you arrive.

Good luck!

monkeyflippers · 09/02/2011 11:19

Don't worry about what other people think about any of it . . . rigid kid syndrome, reigns or whatever. You have to do what ever you can to keep your children safe and if people want to judge you for that then fuck 'em!

I have a rule with mine that if they walk they have to hold hands at all times when crossing roads or near busy roads. I don't let them let go either as the more they struggle the tighter I hold until it actually probably starts to hurt them. But it keeps them safe. They learnt quickly that it wasn't worth struggling!

With my younger one though he is still learning and ran off a few times so I have started putting him in the buggy again. Once we get past the busy areas he can get out of the buggy and walk the rest. It's what I have to do to keep him safe even though sometimes it involves some restling moves to get him back in the buggy!

nannyl · 09/02/2011 11:20

YANBU

it wont take many sits in the pushchair to know you mean buisness....

what he is doing is dangerous / could kill him, and you are being a great mum by nipping it in the bud

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 09/02/2011 11:22

YANBU. And other people won't even really have noticed, honest. Stroppy toddler being strapped in to pushchair is an everyday occurence.

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/02/2011 11:22

Wrist strap/reins/buggy, whatever suits

If he walks nicely with you, give him a sticker on his coat as a reward as well. Worked with DS2

BuzzLiteBeer · 09/02/2011 11:26

I wish reins or wriststraps worked for my evil three year old! If you put them on him he will wind himself around a lamp post or even a passer by. Or throw himself on the ground.

I have picked him up and carried him under arm while screaming before.

JamieLeeCurtis · 09/02/2011 11:28

I used to take the buggy and have him hold on to the handle. If not - in buggy. Reward of sticker if he walked nicely

weefriend · 09/02/2011 12:07

I've been there and done that. I've often walked an empty buggy to school and back so that I had the option of putting DS in it if necessary. I think my worst moment was holding the dog, carrying a scooter and trying to carry a struggling 3 yr old who didn't understand why he couldn't take the scooter home before getting his sister. Then on the way home his sister started to play up about something as well.

I'm happy to say at nearly 4 he is a lot better and would happily walk to and from school and is very good about stopping at roads. Unfortunately he's had some health problems so I've ended up still using the buggy for now but at least we've got beyond the rigid body being wedged in the buggy or the throwing himself on the floor howling stage.

You have to do what you have to do to get to and from school safely and on time.

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