family

[BITCAT]

Is it naive to expect your family, mother in particular to love u unconditionally. My family is so disfunctional, im thinking of disowning them, they are so mean and nasty to each other. All i want is a normal life for me and my kids..aunties, uncles, cousins, grandad and nan..they dont have any of it and i feel guilty..even though i know deep down that it isnt my fault. I cant imagine not loving my kids and not speaking to them.

Its not naive. I suspect as you are now a mum it hurts even more to think your mum could be like that.
Don't dwell on it. Relationships are complicated. All your children need is a happy mum and I am sure you give them enough love

It would be lovely if all parents loved their children unconditionally but that doesn't always happen.

If you don't enjoy spending time with your family or they make you feel bad about yourself don't feel bad about stepping back and spending some time just with your kids.

If you are feeling really bad about this maybe you could speak to a counsellor/therapist? A GP should be able to refer you on the NHS.

I did this and it really helped me.

ladies thank you for your kind words. I havent spoken to my mother for a long time, 1994.She isnt a very nice lady, i was hit a lot, put down with words, she wouldnt allow me to have any contact with my dad or my brothers and sisters once she had thrown me out. I have 5 sisters and 1 brother. I just feel bad for my kids that they dont have the aunties, uncles and cousins that they should have. She still seems intent on causing trouble in my life, snide comments to other people about me, calling social services just to try cause trouble..my hv put them straight though. I held out an olive branch when my 1st son was born, and was greeted with a nasty phone call. wishing my son to have a cot death. Ive not contacted or spoken to her since. I now have contact with 1 of my sisters who has also been outcasted and my only brother too.

My goodness! How can anyone wish a baby to die in cotdeath!? That is just horrific. I've had lots of family issues myself and have been back and forth in terms of how much contact I should have. I've come to the conclusion that I will only have contact with those who "give" me something in terms of a positive emotional feeling in myself. That might sound odd but what I am trying to say is that while I do not expect perfection ala what you can see some families have, because I wont have that, I wont settle for going away from encounters with family members feeling shite about myself. I don't think you should either. Whatever it is that makes your mother treat you like she is doing it can only make you feel less about yourself than if you were entierly on your own. Stop trying with her. If your siblings treat you better then keep some contact with them as long as you can keep your mother out of the picture.

Get other people involved with your children. I know its hard not having close family around for your children but godparents, friends and distant relatives are better than nothing. So reach out to other people around you, invite them to yours for birthdays, lunches etc. If some of your siblings find themselves in your situation then reach out to them and invite them around to yours, they might be missing having a family too.