WWYD if you had invited someone to your house and they didn't reply . . .

[BalloonSlayer]

and the date you had invited them to come over was now approaching?

History - old friend of many years, very fond of her but she has become flaky the last few years - constantly cancels, can hardly ever make dates suggested, doesn't call when she says she will/reply to emails very much.

She lives a long distance away from us, and it's difficult for us to go to them as they have animals which DH and one DC are allergic to, and as it is a long drive you don't want to make it just a quick visit. Nevertheless the last time we did see them, we went there I think.

Was trying to arrange to see her and three other old friends at the start of the year. She was the one who couldn't make all the dates the others could . . . she suggested a date the others couldn't make and I said, well why not come to ME that day, as the others can't make that day. I had no reply to that email and had frankly forgotten all about it until I realised that it's this weekend.

What if she contacts me out of the blue and says "are you still OK for us to come to you?"

What if she doesn't? Should I chase her or be offended?

BTW she is a really nice person and there definitely isn't any snubbing going on here. It's just, well, how it is...

She may have depression (or other RL issues). Be patient with her if she is an old friend you want to keep. Some old friends are for keeps, whatever happens.

That's a good point, WotzNotNot

"But she suggested meeting up separately so doesn't want the group thing, surely?" - I think I meant the rest of the group thing, not so much the me thing, that is: she's keen if it's all of us, but if she has to see people on their own it's one of the others she'd rather see on her own and she's not that fussed about me.

Wotznotnot it might sound odd given the above but we go back an incredibly long way and I think I'd know if she had depression or other issues, if she didn't tell me outright she'd tell one of our mutual friends who would warn me to cut her some slack. I have realised that I have been less understanding about some of her cancellations in the past than I should have been. I think I am being patient actually, still offering invitations to someone who has cancelled on me the last 7 out of 10 times (not an exaggeration).

Well we shall see . . .

I hear you. But your comment that it was more difficult for you to visit than her because they have animals, well having the animals may make it more harder for her (two points of view). You see I think you either say your friendship as ran it's course and your friendship has changed (for both of you), or you both in your own ways decide to keep at it. It sounds like you are working harder at it I give you that, so maybe some time and space. But as I said, some friends are for keeps, so you forgive and wait and are rewarded later. I would speak to her even if she doesn't come, in a few months and not even mention it. See what she says then.