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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my 17 week old baby to my CBT appointment?

27 replies

Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 15:53

I asked for therapy in October 2009 for GAD/Health Anxiety/Panic Attacks and started a course of NHS CBT in September 2010. My therapist left in December and I was assigned a new therapist in January.

DD2 is EBF on demand so I have to take her with me for the hour long session, she normally feeds or sleeps through it and has never disrupted a session. I also have DS (2.3) who goes to a CM for the duration and DD1 (4.11) who is in reception. I don't have family close by and I can't afford to put DD2 with the CM too.

The old therapist never minded me bringing DD2 but the new one says it is disruptive and I should wait until she is older (i.e. in 4/5mths time) and come back then. I am not happy about this as I feel my problem is severe enough to need treatment now and I waited ages to start CBT.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BrokenBananaTantrum · 08/02/2011 15:56

I would have found it really difficult to have DD with me when I was having counselling and CBT as she would have been a constant dustraction. Also some of my sessions were hard going and I got very upset. I needed a bit of time after the session to get myself together.

HOWEVER if your choice is take baby or don't go then I would take baby.

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 16:00

I do wish they had resources to provide sessions outside 'core' working hours :(

OP posts:
frgr · 08/02/2011 16:24

i understand the hassle of not having adequate childcare to arrange it without your little one, but i'm surprised your original counseller agreed to it. and if your new one says it's too disruptive, I do think YABU. either find emergency childcare if your issues are that bad (easier said than done, i do realise) OR follow the professional advice you've been given - wait a few months. what about - can you book holiday leave, get your partner to book holiday leave from work if it is this important?

kepler10b · 08/02/2011 16:44

shouldn't the NHS provide a creche for this type of issue?

lesley33 · 08/02/2011 16:46

My OH is a counsellor on NHS and is fine with people bringing babies/young children in if they can't get childcare. However also says that many counsellors would be unhappy about this.

I don't think YABU or the counsellor is BU. My OH says it can be disruptive counselling in this way, but is happy to do so where there is no alternative. Your counsellor isn't saying that you can't bring your baby, but just to leave it for 4/5 months.

You could ask if you could see someone else sooner who would be happy for you to bring your baby. But I think you really need to ask this as a favour and acknowledge its not ideal.

bettywobble · 08/02/2011 16:48

I dont see the problem??? Surely a 5 month old baby would be more disruptive?

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 16:49

I did wait nearly a year so feel upset at waiting further, I don't see how she cab be disruptive as she sleeps or feeds so I am not being disturbed. I sensed that he (the therapist) was saugersting this out of consideration to him rather than me, I can't leave her she is fed on demand and she won't take a bottle. Also I don't know how long it will take before she has more routine in her life (maybe never being no 3 lol!). But it seems that people think IABU :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 16:52

Plus if I wait it will be the third therapist I have seen and that in itself is unsettling. Have to think on this I think.

OP posts:
BooBooGlass · 08/02/2011 16:54

yanbu. I take my son to my CBT sessions and he's 2.7. I have no other choice. We time the appointment for his naptime so that in the walk there he falls asleep in his buggy. It's not been a problem if he wakes up as I take toys and comics just in case. I think people saying you should wait underestimate just what a vital help CBT is. If I'd have had to wait til my son was 3 and in childcare I'd have gone nuts.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 08/02/2011 17:37

YANBU, I'm lucky enough to usually be able to go to my CBT sessions and leave DD with DH, however on one occasion she had to come with me (aged 12 months) therapist made a cats bum mouth at me, but I hadno other choice! I would think at your child's age they shouldn't be too disruptive. The whole point of you going now is because you need the help now presumably? Stick to your guns and good luck!

NinkyNonker · 08/02/2011 17:40

I take 6 mo old dd with me, lady has never batted an eyelid.

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 18:59

Thanks all, I will phone tomorrow and say that I would rather keep going with DD and take it from there. I appreciate the different views from you all :)

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 08/02/2011 19:10

I see you've come to a decision so this may be superfluous.

I'm a counsellor (not a CBT one though) and I wouldn't be happy with a baby at the session. It's an interesting idea though and not one I've encountered before.

Tweetinat · 08/02/2011 19:11

Not sure if I know exactly what CBT is, but I self referred to a counsellor for possible PND/stress issues and they were extreemely accomodating.

DS is 15m and I have no family locally. I'm also a SAHM and DS has never been away from me so there was no way on earth I was leaving him with a creche/nursery while I went as it would have added to my anxiety.

When I initially called, I explained this issue and they decided to refer me to a family counsellor who was used to having children around and had a room suited to them (i.e. LOADS of toys etc). So far it has been great - DS is so excited by the toys that he happily entertains himself for the whole hour - only coming back to me occassionally but will just toddle off again. The counsellor is brilliant with him too and he loves seeing her actually.

Interestingly though, before I was assigned this lady, they tried to give me an earlier appointment with someone else, but they didn't deal with families and she was very much against the idea of DS being there. So I think there are people out there who are skilled and trained in helping you whilst you have children around but it's not everyones speciality.

Sorry, very long winded way of saying I can't see any reason why you couldn't bring your 17w DC along with you and I think YANBU.

Katey1010 · 08/02/2011 19:16

Sometimes counselors worry that the child is there as a distraction. That you are subconsciously using the child to have a focus that is not the issue. I have seen this in action in a session, when the going gets tough, the Mum loses focus on the session and refocuses on the child. Maybe you should talk to the counselor about this and be honest with yourself about whether this happens.

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 19:40

Thanks Katey, that is an interesting idea. I take your point but I think I am quite good at staying focussed in session, used to juggling three under five Wink.

The family counsellor sounds like a great idea, would be the ideal solution.

OP posts:
Ismene · 08/02/2011 21:31

The NHS should provide a creche?! It is hard enough to secure the resources to fund this kind of intervention in the first place, I don't see how childcare can be provided too! Should Outpatients provide a creche too? A&E? Your GP?

To the OP, I'm unclear about whether you take you baby because you can't afford the CM to take her too or whether you need to BF her? Doesn't EBF mean expressed breastfeed or am I confusing my abbreviations?

toeragsnotriches · 08/02/2011 21:38

Surely to gain the most from your session you need to be as comfortable as possible? Worrying about time, hurrying there after dropping baby off, rushing out to pick baby up... ime, not conducive to a productive appointment. I don't think YABU.

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 08/02/2011 22:49

Sorry I take her because she is exclusively bf and I can't afford to put her with the CM :)

OP posts:
greenbananas · 08/02/2011 23:30

YANBU. Your DS is still very young and I feel very strongly that you should not be expected to leave him anywhere else, especially as he is ebf.

Interesting idea from katey though...

MrsBonkers · 09/02/2011 00:39

I had depression before getting pregnant so the womans health team were 'keen to give me support' - their words.
Yet when my DD got to 5 months I was told I couldn't bring her to my councelling appointments anymore.
I've now had to give up on the councelling.
Makes me soooooo angry that all the leaflets they give you say 'PND is treatable and you will get better' because getting appropriate treatment is made so damn difficult :(

realrabbit · 09/02/2011 01:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Restrainedrabbit · 10/02/2011 21:41

Thank you for all your thoughts, I contacted the service today and said I would prefer to keep going with the therapy. It is only going to get more complicated as she gets older and I can't afford to have DD2 in with the CM until my DS is three and gets his free sessions (next January). Am awaiting a response.

OP posts:
maighdlin · 10/02/2011 22:31

I always brought DD to my sessions with the psychiatrist. I had severe PND but instead of the common symptom of detachment to your baby, i was the opposite and couldn't bear to leave her. I don't see a problem with a small baby. They tend to just lie/sleep there.

That therapist seems a bit thick, by telling you to wait and come back. Of course you can stop having problems for a few months. Hmm have a word with your hv to see if there is any help you can get with childcare whilst you attend sessions.

lesley33 · 11/02/2011 08:59

I spoke to my OH who is a counsellor. OH was annoyed that your counsellor had said this and wasn't happy to counsel with a baby in the room. OH knows that people sometimes have to bring their babies/toddlers for all kinds of reasons, and although not always ideal, better to have counselling with child there than to have none at all.

Some counsellors can be a bit precious IMO.