Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To keep this from my sister?

18 replies

usualuser · 08/02/2011 15:13

Ok, I now this probably isnt the place for this kind of question but I really need some help ASAP as I need to speak to my sister about this in the next couple of days if not tonight.

I found out I was pregnant a week before my sister called to tell me she was getting married. I was waiting a few weeks till I got past the two months mark before telling friends and family so she did not know. I was exstatic when she told me about her news as she has been with her partner for almost 15 years and they have a wonderful family together. As soon as she told me I knew that I did not want my news in some way, to overshadow her big announcement; so I kept quiet about it. My partner and I had also decided to get engaged over the new year period and decided to keep that a secret till after I graduate from uni this summer and we moved in together. All in all, a lot of surprises!

Well the big problem is this, her wedding is going to be around easter or maybe a little later, but definitely in the next few months. I am now worried that I need to tell her as I am going to be showing at around 4 and a half months by then. Also, she needs my dress measurements ASAP to order my outfit for the big day and I don't know how I am going to give her those.

I am considering giving her much larger measurements and then getting it altered to fit closer to the date. I'm just so worried about her feeling like I am overshadowing her big day in some way. I love her to bits and want her special day to be all about her.

Sorry for the long story, just need somewhere to get some advice or input on this. I am a regular contributer, just changed my name temporarily. Thanks again!

OP posts:

Original poster

usualuser · 08/02/2011 15:13

know*

OP posts:

mousymouse · 08/02/2011 15:15

just tell her.

faverolles · 08/02/2011 15:16

Tell her and see what she thinks.
Holding back baby news for fear of overshadowing her big day is all very well for the first few weeks. If she's known for a couple of months, it's old news by then. (but that last bit's not meant to be offensive!)

Parsgirl · 08/02/2011 15:16

Tell her on her own, am guessing she will love you to bits too and will be delighted.

DuelingFanjo · 08/02/2011 15:18

tell her, there's no need to make a huge announcement until you've spoken to her yourself.

KittaKatta · 08/02/2011 15:20

Say what you've said above. tell her alone, and explain that you want it to be quiet until whenever. that you really don't want it to overshadow the wedding etc, hopefully she'll see that you're being thoughtful, unless she's gone in to Bridezilla mode already.

Honeybee79 · 08/02/2011 15:20

Just tell her. By time it gets to her wedding day you won't be "overshadowing" her news, though I understand why you might feel like that right now.

greedychops · 08/02/2011 15:24

There is room in families for all sorts of news, and it sounds like you get on quite well, so I expect she will be very pleased for you, as you are for her. It's not like your due date is her wedding day and everyone will be waiting for you to give birth during the vows or anything .

Underachieving · 08/02/2011 15:25

Don't give her the wrong dress measurements, she might pick a style that doesn't work with a bump and then be disappointed about suddenly realising when you turn up at the church.

Don't think of your pregnncy as limelight hogging, think of it as a gift to her and the extended family as well as a gift to yourself. Tell her and present it to her a bit like this... Wow sis I am so delighted for your wedding, it seems things are going so well for you right now and I have some more fabulous news for you. I'm going to make you an aunty again! So as well as a fantastic new husband you'll be getting a fantastic new neice/nephew too.

If you're delighted about it then chances are she will be, it's when there are chinks of insecurity that people start doubting to beauty and miraculousness of new life. Of course it's beautiful and miraculous, and I'm sure if you believe it then she will.

You can always explain to her after that you tried to time your announcement between her wedding announcement and her wedding itself so that it didn't compete too much. And anyway, her engagement, your pregnancy, her wedding, your baby, it sounds to me like a good recipie for several months of huge joy for your whole family.

I'm sad when I see people thinking of thier pregnancies as inconvenient and even sadder when I see people thinking of others pregnancies as that too. It's something wonderful and amazing and I'm sure your family will be even more delighted, rather than divided.

TotorosOcarina · 08/02/2011 15:28

How odd, you sound like you get along lovely, don't understand why you think this news will be negative or take away from her wedding??

Rindercella · 08/02/2011 15:32

Tell her and probably sooner rather than later. There is afterall little you can do about your pregnancy (congratulations) and if she is any kind of sister she'll be over the moon rather than worry you'll be hogging the limelight. Sounds a lovely year for you all

LibraPoppyGirl · 08/02/2011 15:32

Don't be afraid to tell her, it sounds as though you get on well and I agree with all the other posters too. It's wonderful news.

How wonderful for you both, she is getting married and you are expecting a baby. You can share in each others joy

freddy05 · 08/02/2011 15:56

My sister announced her pregnancy at my wedding and second time announced her next wedding on my due date!! both were totally intended to take the lime light and make sure people didn't forget about her.

To me you sound like a lovely sister who is really happy for your sister so tell her soon when you're just the two of you and not meeting for any wedding reason. Invite her round for a brew and a chat and tell her all that you've written above and if she's anywhere near as good a sister as you sound she will be thrilled

NotAnotherNewNappy · 08/02/2011 16:17

Tell her - asap.

As long as you don't do it at her wedding, dress fitting, hen night etc then you are obviously not trying to hog the limelight and I'm sure she'll be delighted for you.

BTW - I believe Dessy do some lovely maternity bridesmaid dresses

Original poster

usualuser · 08/02/2011 16:21

Thank you so much for the thoughtful responses. Unfortunately we don't live in the same city so Couldn't do it face to face. Your comments were really reassuring and I just called her and told her. She was thrilled and glad I told her as the dress would not have been suitable. This is my first pregnancy and I guess my emotions are running wild which made me think too much about the whole thing. Problem is now solved!

freddy05 I'm sorry about that, funnily enough I have that kind of relationship with my little sister. She is very competitive with me for some reason. It's my big sister who is getting married and she really is lovely.

Thanks again guys!

OP posts:

Housemum · 08/02/2011 16:24

Tell her privately and face to face unless you live miles apart, and between you decide whether or not to tell the rest of the family straight away or to keep it as your secret and say after the wedding. But remember if you do that that you don't know how much you will show (not knowing your body shape you may be able to keep it secret or it may be blooming obvious!) and at the wedding there will be a lot of drink flowing so you will be quizzed to the nth degree if you are sat nursing the one drink all night that you never seem to touch!

I think she'll be touched that you chose to tell her first and were keen not to let your news take away from her day.

TallulahDoesTheHula · 08/02/2011 16:29

If you dont tell her in advance and just order a bigger dress then the chances are you will turn up at the wedding obviously pregnant for your sister and everyone to say 'OH WOW, we didnt know you were pregnant' etc - THATS thunder stealing!!
If her tell her now then it will be quietly and happily taken in and no one will be surprised and talk about it a lot on the wedding day.

Plus you'll get a dress that fits properly and you look nice in!

BluddyMoFo · 08/02/2011 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread