To be so scared of death

[Whatnamechange]

I have namechanged for this because it's hard for me to dlsay this even on a site where no one knowsme in rl, I had a very traumatic childhood so many bad things happened then I met my now dh and have never known happiness like this he is my true soulmate , when I was pregnant I was given a book of the midwife on pregnancy in it was a section on how you would feel if your partner died whilst you were pregnant. I had not even considered something like that happening and began to obsess even ringing my dh as soon as he finished work because I had to know he was still alive , after a while I broke down and told him how I was feeling he was very understanding and the anxiety eased a bit , six months later it still bugs me I almost feel like I love him too much and the thought of him not being here kills me, I know it's irrational and I'm sorry if anyone Reading this has been bereaved I don't want to rub it in but I don't know what to do it's starting to get too much again and it's ruining a otherwise very happy life I'm scared to tell anyone in rl in case they think I'm mad .

You're not mad. You would probably benefit from some form of counselling to try to manage your anxiety.

I was paranoid during pregnancy that someone was going to break in during the night and kill me, and being heavily pregnant I wouldnt be able to defend myself or my unborn baby.

I now worry about someone breaking in when I'm alone with DS. DH works shifts, so its often.

The young girl murdered on Friday lives very close to me and makes me panic even more :(

No advice I'm afraid, but I really do sympathise.

I am terrified I will die before my children grow up, probably because my mum did which also means i have no idea what an adult mother/ daughter relationship is like so cant imagine it.

I do wonder why on earth the midwife gave you a leaflet like that what possible reason was there for it?!?

It sounds like you are sufffering from anxiety...which can be fixed. Please see yur GP...it's awful living with anxiety and it really can be mended. IMagine living withut this worry!

OP, I think you need to see your GP for a referral to counselling. Try and think positive. When I had my DD I did not sleep very well until she was four months cos I was worried about cot death, this was brought on because of the booklet and a leaflet given my the MW. Sorry you feel this way.

Anxiety is a common symptom of PND - please talk to your GP or HV about your feelings

Good luck OP, I hope you get sorted and feel better soon :)

hi op,so sorry you feel like this,like others have said you are not mad.it sounds like you are very anxious and could do to talk to someone in rl.pregnancy is a funny time.Also take it from me,if anything so terrible did happen (and this is EXTREMELY UNLIKELY) you would cope because life DOES go on,and when a child is involved,you have to.(widow and parent of disabled child here!)Big Hug xx

I hear you! In fact I lay awake last night worrying about death. My dad died when I was 2 and my mum when I was 18. I kind of think though that if anyone stopped to consider death, they would fear it. It is damn scary. But you have to turn it around and make the most of ever second you live, cos life really is a gift and can be taken away at any time. You need to add value by appreciation of life, maybe some therapy would help that.

Can anyone explain what happens in terms of anxiety support?

I think a bit like glitteryturd... if you have experienced death, you know that it can happen and that consideration tinges your perception of happiness somewhat, for good or bad.

Also, the extent of your love shapes the extent of your fear so you are more emotionally vulnerable as GiddyPickle has said.

I think I have been quite anxious since having my son and have had full blown nightmares about his funeral, carrying his coffin etc, thoughts about this popping into my head and plaguing me etc. It's sometimes been hard to know where the line between adjusting to the enormity of being a parent and anxiety-that-needs-treatment starts and ends.

I have certainly had times that it was overwhelming, particularly in the early months of my son's life and at key times, like returning to work. Overall, however, I feel happy with my life.. just afraid of losing that happiness and aware that as much as the bad things in life pass, so do the good.

It sounds like it is really getting on top of you, though, so it does sound to me that you need help. You're not mad though!

I think becoming a parent does make you a lot more conscious of your mortality in a way that you've never been before.

My DD is 7mo and as her schedule changes I make sure DH knows it because I am paranoid about dying and him not knowing her routine/likes/dislikes!

I think if it's taking up a disproportionate amount of your thoughts though that some counselling maybe of benefit. Your GP should be able to refer you.

If fear of anything is preventing you from enjoying your life or treating your family in a normal way then see your GP. Depression & anxiety can take many forms and are highly treatable.

I would love to be free of this anxiety it is not as bad as it was when I was pregnant but still very much part of my day to day thinking , I think it's partly due to things I went through as a child up until about twenty one (I'm twenty seven now) and when I met dh he was so unlike anyone I have ever met so full of love for me he has shown me what true happiness is I think I'm terrified it's all going to be taken away if I take it for granted for a second ,I never really plan ahead for fear something bad will happen . I really hate feeling like this and I know it's not normal . I'm going to look in to counselling all your messages saying it can be cured have given me a bit of hope I thought I was stick like this , thank you for all your support .

I know what you mean, whatnamechange, I used to feel the same way when I first married. I was convinced I would be widowed after a few months or when I was expecting and my children would be without a father. It all stems from insecurity in childhood when my father died and my mother became wrapped up in herself. I was pretty much alone. I think you can cope OK when you are single but when you have children to think about it makes you worry about the future more.
I should talk to someone professional because talking these problems through can put your worries in perspective. Things get out of proportion when you keep them to yourself.
None of us are truly secure. I still worry about being alone. Try not to spoil your happiness today by worrying about things which may not happen tomorrow