to wish I appreciated things more before it's too late

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

I'm always in a hurry . Always wishing time away, wishing things on to an " easier" place. You know the sort of thing, "I can't wait til...they can sleep through the night/walk/talk/leave home . But I visited my dad yesterday, he has demetia. He just about recognises me but has no idea who the DC's are . The funny, quiet man who was my dad has gone and he's not coming back . It just got me thinking that I need to stop wishing time away and live more in the now. I just wondered what sort of things other people have wished away only to wish they could have their time back or am I the only one with regrets?

Totally with you on this.

Too exhausting to explain fully but I wish I'd spent more time staying in touch with my dad in the years I've been living in the UK.

although to be accurate, I don't actually wish things away now, day to day -- the opposite really. I just have lots of regrets about past times.

I was always wanting to get on to the "next thing" but am just sad that I have probably missed out on lovely times in my hurry. Time to sit back and smell the coffee perhaps.

Probably shouldn't have posted this when feeling premenstrual and after a few glasses of wine.

You don't realise how good a time you are having until that moments gone! Try living for the day, its made me happier!

I have posted on a similar note before. Mine was about the fact that I feel miserable whenever people say that they have 'no regrets' - I have millions.

I would say this though. Probably seeing your Dad has made you feel especially low and nostalgic. You probably have done loads of wonderful things and give more hugs/kisses/love than you remember. Rather than dwell on regrets, you should think about those things and try to find a way to make the most out of time now.

It's not realistic to expect every day to be magical and special - apart from anything, that would be flipping exhausting! But maybe make a list of 'things' that would make you feel like ou were 'living' and try to cross off one every few months.

Thin is slightly we were never that close and by the time I realised why and that it wasn't his fault that we weren't I didn't take the chance to rectify the situation and now it's too late.

agree, my Dad has cancer and feel just the same. appreciate what we have

he got diagnosed whilst I have been on mat leave and it has really made me try and make most of time with my kids

sad that it takes a major illness to make us realise eh :-(

Tell me about it Porcamiseria . It even makes me count to 100 10 when my mother starts winding me up. She is old and when she's gone there will be plenty of things I regret, I don't want to add to the list.

yes I have also been LOADS more patient with my Mum too! funny old life eh

and also I am soo more relaxed about DC and their development, like you say my baby will sleep through...one day...when he's 15...

xx

Sorry to heat about your dad x

Click onto 'lovelifelivenow' as I think you will find it up your street

Also have you seen the film 'click' ? It's an Adam sandlar film and may sound light but is exactly what you are on about and it is a very interesting film. Watch and see...

My thoughts are with you with regards to your dad x

Hobnobs. You say your Dad still recognises you. This means you still have time to show him some love and care.

I have seen Dementia first hand. I know how utterly devastating it is and I really feel for you. But you do have some time. I don't think it needs to be an epic 'moment' where you tell him you regret the past - he probably wouldn't cope well with too much information as his memories of the past may be a little distorted.

But you can be kind and loving now. Spend an extra half an hour with him when you really want to leave. Take him things that will brighten his afternoon up. Sit and do a jigsaw with him - whatever you think he would get some pleasure from. He might not be able to express himself as he used to but you will be making him feel loved/wanted/worthwhile.

I only have one regret (if you could call it that) since my Mum died I've felt like I've lost bit of my past IYSWIM.

You know when people are having those do yo remember when type conversations, I feel left out.

I've got a brother who I was always very close to but since Mum's death the family has fallen apart.

This has made me write journals for my 3 DS so that even when I'm not with them anymore they'll be able to look back at their childhoods, little things like funny remarks they make.

And most importantly I write about what I feel for them so that even if they don't already realise it ( I hope they do) they will have no doubt about it when they get older.

It's a case of not appreciating what you had until it's gone.

I regret not spending more time with my Aunt. She died a few months ago but it was very sudden - we weren't expecting it. I always planned to go and see her more, she was going to show me her herb garden and give me cuttings because she knew I wanted to start my own. I never had the time and I bitterly regret it.

I never really realised how much my dad meant to me until he was terminally ill. So much that I would change if I could...............

YANBU.

I had an epiphany months ago that I was wasting my life feeling like a victim and focusing on the negative all the time. I decided to try to find a blessing in my life each and every day because as much as we think about the past and future, we live in the now and we cannot get what is gone back, nor can we say what will happen to us in the future. I still have bad days, but there is always something I enjoy or am thankful for now.

My auntie and granny dying four months apart was a catalyst for this realisation. It's so sad to lose those we love, even harder when we watch them losing themselves to an illness. It makes you realise that time is limited. Make it count is what I say, you don't need to do epic things, but you do need to savour it, even when it's just mundane same old stuff, it's the day to day normality of life you miss when things get tough, yet you forget to appreciate it.

Sorry things are tough and sad for you.

My DS will be starting school in September, and just this month I realised that I will see him a lot less
so now, when he asks me to play a game/read him a book etc I really am making an effort to think- sod the housework, he'll be grown up soon, and won't want me to do those things, so I will make the most of it now.
DD is ten, and is already very independent.

Thanks for the lovely post slightlyjaded . Twirlymum my DD starts school too in September and although I long for no more short nursery days and no more paying for childcare (I work school hours) I also know that when she's gone thats it and that part of our life is over so I really need to make the most of it.

REminds me a bit of this poem:
here

Sorry, am crap at adding weblinks