to have been upset by this

[florencerusty]

FWIW I know I am not but why don't people think before opening their big fat gob.

At my DD dance lesson today, some mums were talking and Amanda Holden's tragic loss was raised.
'so sad'
' but they don't even know why' said in an incredulous tone.

I pointed out that often that is the case sadly even after a PM. Again with 'what coz doctors arent clever enough?'
I then explained that sometimes it is likened to a cot death but in-utero, at this she states 'oh well probably better it died now then than after she got to know it'

My throat closed at this and I could manage only a 'no'. Now I realise she doesnt know my third child was stillborn at term, but how are people so naive? How are people so insensitive?

No it's not better, it's not better either way. Either way it's horrific, it's heartbreaking and it's forever :(
I cried all the way home

YANBU at all, people don't engage their brains before they open their mouths and I am sorry that you had to go through this.

YANBU but people who have not had an experience like this often just say daft things, and I am sure they would be mortified to think they had upset you in this way

YANBU at all, some people are just knobs. What a horrid thing to say

Oh florence for you. Some people are unfortunately, and they were'nt to know that you lost your baby. I had 2 early MC nothing in comparison, but I had all sorts of comments ranging from 'there was something wrong with it, for the bes', 'were you pregnant, was it just your period comming'.

Sorry for your loss. YANBU to have been upset but I'm sure this person did not intend to upset you - just that she has no real idea how it feels to experience such a loss.

Some people are tactless prats aren't they?
I can never imagine what pain a loss like that could feel like so am not properly qualified to form an opinion ......but Jeez even I would have wanted to sock her one.

YANBU.

Agree with hillybilly - people just don't seem to consider that the person they are talking to may have had some direct experience and therefore could be offended by their response.

Reminds me of the "It's god's will" brigade who bombarded me with such insights when I lost my children.

Sorry that you went through this.

Of course YANBU.

It's the kind of thing people say without thinking and is obviously mindless. But I'm sure she would be embarrassed and very sorry if she knew.

I'm sorry for your loss.

yanbu, it's the sort of thing people say when they're uncomfortable with a subject and have no concept of what that level of grief feels like.

YANBU.

If you go round gossiping about things like that you are bound to say it in front of someone who has been there themselves at some point. Much better just not to talk about people like that in the first place then you don't hurt anyone.

I can't imagine how it feels to lose a child but I know I can't think of one way that would be better than another.

That must have brought some awful emotions bubbling up at a time you could really have done without it. I hope you don't find it hard to go back and be there with them again next week.