My daughter is not a flippin toy!!!!

[BurnAfterReading]

AIBU here, I need an "outsider" to give me some perspective.

My dd is 16 wks and has lots of big cousins, some who live very local and who are above the age of 21 - not that this matters btw, just telling you the age group.

Anyway, one big cousin (22 yrs) lets call her Jess asked to take dd out a walk etc, I said yes because Jess knew what she was doing re: nappies/changing/feeding etc so I felt comfortable. This was the first time dd was away from home without me or DP and I was on phone all the time - only to be told by Jess that everything was ok etc etc, so I happily dropped off dd at Jess's house again at the weekend for a few hours whilst DP and I had some time on our own - I slept btw and he lazed on couch (however this was great!!)We are now happy that we have a willing babysitter who we trust etc...

So, today I receive email from other big cousins girlfriend lets call them Bob & Betty "Hi can me and Bob take dd for few hours this week, we've been asking for ages and just found out that Jess looked after her on her own at weekend"

I have already told Bob & Betty that they need to get to know dd more and that I need to be confident that they know what they're doing. They have made no effort to do this.

1. They run out of room when dd has dirty nappy
2. Bob always asks "Am I holding her properly"
3. Both freak out if dd cries and pass her straight back to me

I think they just like the idea of pushing a pram and playing mummies & daddies, but I don't want to send my dd out with a couple who clearly do not know what they are doing.

I know it's not rocket science and no one will hurt her but AIBU to just say No and explain my reasoning?? Or am I being overprotective?

It's nice that dd's big cousins want to play an active role in her life, but she's not a toy to be passed around.

WWYD? AIBU?

I'm sorry if I have not given you all information - feel free to ask questions.

no! don't do it! you aren't being over protective at all.

maybe ask them round for an hour once a week to get to know her, then when she's a little older and they are a bit more confident with her.. let them have her!!!

You are not being over protective if they act like that BUT it is lovely that they want to look after her. How about they look after her in your house for an hour or two while you have a bath and a nap. See if they can handle the nappies/feeds/crying etc. After they have done this on a few occasions maybe they could babysit at your house on their own and then when you feel comfortable they could start to take her out?

I would be honest.

Just say that she knows Jess and feels comfortable with her and Jess is confident so dd feels safe.

They need to spend a bit more time with dd at your house as nappy changing and comforting will need to be dealt with. Explain that babies will pick up on nervousness which would make it worse for them.

Yanbu at all
This is your baby! Do what you feel comfortable with and always always follow your gut!

YANBU but you might be overthinking it a bit. I would respond to Bob & Betty with:-

"Absolutely, I would love for you to have DD, it's a lovely break for me. How about we all go for a walk/a coffee on Sunday together, me, DD, and you both and you can start learning the ropes as it were. I'm sure you'll be confident in no time."

It gives the clear message that you don't think they're ready but at the same time is offering them quality time with your DD and not alienating them. If they are at all serious about spending time with her they will love the idea and you'll know after a few trips to the park/cafe when it's time to go home before them and leave them to it.

YANBU your DD is a baby not a bike- it isn't about having turns surely, how old are these people?

Thanks for all your advice, I agree that I need to give them the opportunity to get to know dd, and in all honesty we have done on a number of occasions as they spend a lot of time at our house. But it seems that everytime I'm explaining or guiding them it just seems to go in one ear and out the other...one time Bob was mucking around on his phone whilst I was explaining dd's bedtime routine - I felt I was wasting my breath, so just stopped - he didn't even notice.

This is probably me being a little pissed off more than anything else but whilst we were all at Sunday Lunch yesterday (this is a regular family thing at DP's parents house) both Bob & Betty were clearly in a huff with me, DP & Jess!! I just can't be arsed with how it seems to be a contest about who gets to spend most time with dd etc...she's not here to make them look good, she's a baby not a toy...

And FWIW Bob is 23 & Betty is 24...surely past the mummies and daddies stage now hey?

YABU and PFB if they are pushing her out in the pram in the freshair she will probably be out like a light the minute they sat off! in any case how much 'training' does changing a nappy need?

Princessparty - it is not their intention to go for a walk with her believe me, they want to take her in the car to wherever and parade her around shops I know that they just want to play mummies & daddies without actually ever having been around a baby before.

I know this because Betty said to me after buying dd an outfit "It makes me feel really grown up to be out buying baby clothes, I've shown a picture of dd to 'friend of friend' and pretended she was mine"

And me being PFB about this situation is not entirely accurate either. Yes she is my first born and she is precious to me but just allowing any tom dick or harry to look after her is not what I'm about - I need to be sure that they are capable to look after her.

I needed to be shown how to change a nappy, whilst pregnant - I had never been around babies until dd was born. So yes, I believe that a certain amount of "training" in this case may well be required.

YANBU. I think if B and B can get to know your DD, things may be different, but it doesn't sound like they would be in a position to behave maturely as yet if DD did more than sleep.

Sounds like Jess has been a great help though, which is fantastic!

Why not just say "I know you are trying to be helpful (I know they're not, but it's a tactful way to say it) but I have noticed that you don't seem to be able to be around dirty nappies, or how to hold her, or feel comfortable when she cries. If you would like to take her out, I think it's best if you get to know how to deal with those things first. Do you want to come round a few times?"

I suspect they'll say no. They probably only want to take her so they can say they did too grin]