Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

should i go to the csa

50 replies

shav · 07/02/2011 13:39

Hi i am new to this site and just wanted some advice please,i have two children with my ex one aged 13 and the other is 2,my ex has been giving me 140 pounds a month for the eldest and only this month put it up to 300 for both,he is not interested in the kids only seen his daughter 5 times in 2 and a half years and saw his son when it was convenient over the last 13 years,my son doesnt want to see him again after him threating to kill all my kids and saying he loved his dogs more than his kids to my eldest son.He is on a very good wage earning 1250 pounds a week take home my problem is when i contacted the csa they said he should be paying 250 pounds a week for his kids it annoys me when i am struggling to make ends meet and do things for the kids coz i have no money and he is living the high life with not a care in the world,i am worried about what his reaction will be if the csa contact him.should i just carry on and take wot he gives me for a quiet life or fight him for wot he should be paying.

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:41

Contact the CSA by all means, whatever he gives you will come off of your benefits if you receive them.

As it is you are way above the amount you should be receiving and what you get now should already be deducted from your benefits barring £40 a month.

To be honest £60 a week is a good amount of money and you should be grateful you get that much.

How do you know what he would get? Do you know his expenditure? Don't be greedy.

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:42

CSA only takes basic pay into account not overtime.

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:42

£40 a week sorry.

BooBooGlass · 07/02/2011 13:43

Fabby, you get to keep all maintenence now, it doesn't get docked from benefits

justcarrots29 · 07/02/2011 13:44

I think you should go to the CSA - of he is earning that amount he should be contributing fat more to his children then it coming directly from the government. I would be unhappy with the fact he seems to just be chucking some money at you that he thinks you deserve - not what the law says you deserve for raising 2 children by this man.

BooBooGlass · 07/02/2011 13:45

fwiw OP< I don't think you should rock the boat. It's frustrating yes, but £300 a month is a lot compared to what lots of others get, the the CSA don't know their arse from their elbow so you'll be waiting a long time to see a penny from them, trust me

justcarrots29 · 07/02/2011 13:45

Sorry typos [fraught emoticon]

LaurieFairyCake · 07/02/2011 13:47

Of course you should get the CSA to decide this, they have clear rules. It is not up to anyone to tell you what you should be 'grateful' for - it should simply be the amount that is decided by law is the amount you should receive.

BootyMum · 07/02/2011 13:47

Sorry, don't understand Fabby Chic...

OP gets £300 a month from Ex for both children. But CSA says she is entitled to £250 a week for children - so roughly £1000 a month. Is this right?

So how is she getting way above the amount she should be getting? Have I missed something?

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:47

Boo really? Thats a pisstake to be honest.

gingernutlover · 07/02/2011 13:47

so have I got this right?

he at the moment pays £300 a month for both kids

CSA say he should be paying £250 a week?

that's a difference of £700 a month if what you have written is correct

what do you recieve in benefits? Because CSA gets taken into account when they are calculated - even though it sounds a lot more money it may not work out that way in the end.

fabbychic why is it greedy for the OP to want her XP to contribute 20% of his take home pay for his children?

FabbyChic · 07/02/2011 13:48

I had not realised that she got more than was allowed to be kept by the benefits agency, from what has been said you keep it all now without having to declare it?

So sorry for that, but £300 is a vast amount of money a month.

BooBooGlass · 07/02/2011 13:49

Yes really. I do think it's taking the piss too, even though I am marginally better off for it. It means some lone parents are hugely better off then those whose fuckwit exes just bugger off. When I said not to rock the boat, I meant this: If you go through thr CSA your private payments will stop. I've been waiting 8 months for them to sort out my claim. Can you afford to get NO money in that time??

Original poster

shav · 07/02/2011 14:11

Hi thankyou for your quick responses i think i will just leave it as it is he has to live with the fact that he does very little for his kids, i suppose i am lucky i get some money off him like you say some people dont get a penny

OP posts:

JBellingham · 07/02/2011 14:43

I am sure there must be some confusion, I doubt the CSA says he should give you 250 a week,I assume this is a month?

frgr · 07/02/2011 14:51

To all the people saying "you should be grateful for the 300 quid" - get over yourselves, he fathered the children, why should the OP not call on the CSA to audit him and ensure she's getting what she is entitled to? Remember she's already stated that she's struggling financially.

I'm not sure saying "suck it up, that's more than what I got/whatever" is helpful or appropriate here.

She is not "lucky" - she is bringing up their children. He needs to have a financial burden because of it, and the OP isn't "lucky" that he's donating money for her to bring them up.

Jesus, honestly - some of the posts on here make me

Original poster

shav · 07/02/2011 14:55

He takes home 1250.00 a week after tax and national insurance yes it is a very well paid job and the csa says he should pay 20 percent,i am not moaning about the 300 he gives me now but it is just over 30 pounds per child which is nothing to him its just over 1 hours work to him

OP posts:

confuddledDOTcom · 07/02/2011 15:00

He's earning £5,000 a month and you think the CSA say he should only be paying £250 a month??? My OH pays just over that, it's about what he should be paying for all four children (his and ours, we don't live together and I don't take his money partly for that and partly because he's involved and helps out) but he's paying it on two children and he earns far less than the man in the OP.

These threads always amaze me. If it was the NRP/ new wife posting they'd get the same treatment. The thing I've learnt on MN is in step-families you can't win. I've had a lot of questions over time WRT my stepsons and I don't post them here. I'm not that stupid (not that the OP is stupid, just I've had 4 years to learn something she hasn't)

AngelHMum · 07/02/2011 15:21

He's on over £70,000 a year ? What is he a banker ?

What he has been paying you does seem a drop in the ocean if that's correct and he is taking home £1,250 a week.
The CSA do have an upper earnings limit though where if the NRP earns more you have to get a court order for the amount over the CSA top limit. I think that applies to those earning over 100k but you might want to check it out.

Is there a figure in the middle of £250 a week and £300 a month that you would be happy with ? Could you come to some agreement by negotiation ?

I only say that because not only are the CSA about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike they can and often do cause huge rifts and conflict that could affect your children and you for a long time to come. The words useless, incompetent morons are often used about them by parents on both sides of the fence.
What if your ex partner gives up his job as some men do to avoid the CSA? Or he pays intermittently, just enough to avoid the CSA taking action but not regularly enough for you to live comfortably ?

I have friends in both situations - one has a lovely letter inforing her that her ex owes over £70,000 in arrears but as he made 3 payments of £175 in the past six months the won't take action just yet.
Another friend of mine had an ex who moved to Ireland to avoid paying for his son.

My husband had the opposite - he paid religiously and fairly, his ex went to the CSA and ended up with less because my DH had been overly generous. She is now spitting feathers about it - not that you should find that happens in your situation though.

I would say if you possibly can do sit down with him and possibly a mediator too. Show him what he would pay through the CSA, tell him what he pays now is not enough and try and find an amicable path if you can.

Original poster

shav · 07/02/2011 15:32

I would love to sit down and talk it through with him but he is an extremely unreasonable person plus he will not speak to me wether its about the kids he doesnt want to know anything and as far as he is concerned im lucky to get wot i get and you are probibly right when you say i might be worse off coz hell prob just leave the country well thats just wishful thinking i wish i could afford to tell him to shove his money up his arse but my kids would suffer then

OP posts:

bubblewrapped · 07/02/2011 15:36

£300 is a vast amount of money a month

I wouldnt say so at all! And certainly not in comparison to what this man earns.

AngelHMum · 07/02/2011 15:46

What sort of job does he do ? Could he leave it easily ? Is he reliant upon it for paying his mortgage ?
If he couldn't leave it easily and he's employed (PAYE) not self employed then the CSA can take straight from his earnings if he doesn't comply.

If he is self-employed you could potentially, like my friend get lots of nice letters with big numbers on them but no money in real life. Self-employed people can evade the CSA easily and often they do.

Is there anyone - a relative, friend or aquaintance who you could talk to who might be able to help negotiate ?
Or could you write to him ? Put it all down in black and white, send it recorded delivery so you have proof of receipt and see what he does then?

If not and you don't want to rock the boat then you might have to just keep taking the £300 a month and be done with it.

If I were you, I'd exhaust every other avenue there is, including sending a solicitor's letter before I got the CSA involved.

Original poster

shav · 07/02/2011 15:52

thankyou i was considering a solicitors letter,He does the overheads on the railway and would never leave his job a coz of a mortgage and b coz hes a selfish twat and could never live without his bank balance either

OP posts:

MommyMayhem · 07/02/2011 15:57

Sorry, but have I got this right... no matter how much benefit you get, you can keep all of your maintenance? So, if your ex gives you GBP 1,000 a month, you are still entitled to full Income Support and Housing Benefits? Surely not?

pleasechange · 07/02/2011 16:00

Yes Mommy it was all part of the big Labour bonanza giveaway....

Flip

1 2