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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask DH to buy the kids new school shirts because he ruined them??

32 replies

TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:34

My DH often does the washing, which may seem like a good thing but its not. He does alot of things round the house, hoovering, dishwasher, bathtime etc. but I've told him so many times that if a wash needs doing to shout me because he always pisses it up!

This morning I open the dryer to find the kids uniforms (grey and green) in with about 5 white school shirts, white PE tshirts and denims and red thirts!!

He just shoves everything in and TBH hes done this so many times now that they are even beyond bleeching.

I shelled out on M&S shirts in september for them both and they are ruined.

So AIBU to tell him he has to buy them new shirts and PE tops because I really don't want to shell out myself for them (I buy everyones clothes in the house) and its him that keeps putting whites in with denims and colours?!

OP posts:
Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:36

And I'm not angry with him or angry that he tries to help out or anything but I just haven't got any spare cash at the moment,and we do share all money but I think it should come from his pocket as its him thats trashed them.

OP posts:
thebountymuncher · 07/02/2011 13:37

NU at all.

My XDH once put a whole load of his stinky diesel-y overalls in with DDs uniform, and I couldn't get the smell out!

I asked him to replace them, and he did.

His fault=his cost!

LaurieFairyCake · 07/02/2011 13:38

what temperature did he put them on then? surely if it was 40 they would just have gone a bit grey?

I seperate my whites but dd's shirts are still grey by the end of the year

Bloodymary · 07/02/2011 13:40

Oooh how annoying, I do like my whites white!

thumbdabwitch · 07/02/2011 13:40

YANBU at all - except that I'd be feckin furious with him for doing it yet a-fuckin-gain, regardless of "wanting to help" - how hard is it to understand the simplest of instructions "Do Not Touch The Washing Machine"??

IF he insists on doing washing, let him trash his own clothes - and no, I wouldn't be buying his togs either - he can buy his own.

I don't let DH do the washing for exactly this reason... but he stays well out of the laundry.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:43

Lol, thumb!! Thats the things - the amount of times I've opened the dryer and shouted 'FGS DH whyyyy have you put this in with thaT?!?'

OP posts:
tinierclanger · 07/02/2011 13:45

I understand you are fed up but this is not the right way to deal with it. He made a mistake. If you share finances I dont get how it was you who paid for the shirts in the first place.

If you made a mistake and bumped a lamppost parking the car would you expect to pay for that out of your personal funds?

WimpleOfTheBallet · 07/02/2011 13:47

YANBU my DH STILL shoves it all in together despite my having told him many times and SHOWED him what goes together.

Its not hard ffs...white with white, black with black and navy...coloured together....I also do a red wash as we seem to have tonnes of red clothing and bedding for some reason.

I hav told my DH "Please leave the laundry alone"

Apart from folding etc...he has told me the same about paiting walls as I am crap at it...fair do's.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 07/02/2011 13:49

my DP also refuses to listen re sorting the washing and like you, I've said please leave it (if you an't going to sort it). Still he plods on.

The day he does what your DP has done, he will A) probably finally recognise what I've clearly said to him (as has his Mum & brother) 25 times and;
B) will trot on down to the shops to sort it out all on his own.

Not U at all for him to deal with the consequences of his (in)actions

thell · 07/02/2011 13:49

I think if you ask him calmly to replace the ruined clothes, it might make the lesson stick.

It's great he's so hands-on though...but I also have a DH who seems incapable of retaining this kind of information.

thumbdabwitch · 07/02/2011 13:49

Tinierclanger - I expect if the OP made a mistake and bumped a lamppost parking the car EVERY FUCKING TIME her DH would expect her to pay for it, yes. Hmm

Milngavie · 07/02/2011 13:52

My DH does this too and it drives me mad. I have sooo many grey bras, grey tshirts and grey everything else that I despair of ever owning anything white again.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:52

We share finances as in i pay for 'q,r,s' and he sorts out'x,y,but clothes is my things but i begrudge having to rebuy them again because he keeps washing them with dark stuff.

OP posts:
Eglu · 07/02/2011 13:53

YANBU. My DH is crap at washing too. DS1 (7), however can separate the laundry for me.

Give up with DH. How difficult is it really.

tinierclanger · 07/02/2011 13:55

I quite frequently break glasses and mugs. Dh doesn't expect me to replace them out of my personal spends and I'd be a bit surprised if he did.

I agree this guy needs to either learn to separate washing properly or stop doing it. I don't think he needs to be punished like a child.

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:56

Plus he shoves so much in that nothing really gets washed and he has to heave the door shut.

He is an absolute god send in every other way I should add, I just wish an alarm went off when he stepped within 2 foot of the washer!

OP posts:
tinierclanger · 07/02/2011 13:56

Well perhaps you need a different way of sharing finances so you don't resent this kind of thing so much?

thumbdabwitch · 07/02/2011 13:58

TotorosOcarina has already said that she buys all the clothes and does not have the money to replace the ruined ones. Therefore it is not a "punishment like a child" to ask her DH to replace them, it is perfectly reasonable!

Original poster
TotorosOcarina · 07/02/2011 13:58

I'm not punishing him Hmm

I'm just asking him to replace the stuff thats ruined as its essentials,

and If I went and got all the mugs in the house on a tray and then dropped them one by one whilst DH said 'toto please don't drop the mugs, let me put them in the cupbaord' but i continued to drop the mugs then YES i would expect to replace them myself!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 07/02/2011 14:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinierclanger · 07/02/2011 14:04

I want a laundry basket like that. :)

I think Dh and I are probably just a bit more laid back as we both mess up not infrequently.

thumbdabwitch · 07/02/2011 14:06

at Euphemia's blessed hopefulness Grin - it wouldn't work on my DH, that's for sure - he needs to be reminded where the laundry basket is fairly frequently.Hmm

In fact, it got so bad, he has his own basket. Then if he really feels he has to do his own wash, he can, without buggering up anyone else's clothes (not that he really needs to, it gets done often enough!)

Rhian82 · 07/02/2011 14:10

I think in general you're not being unreasonable at all - I do the laundry in our house and it would drive me mad if anyone interfered with it.

However - is he doing stuff himself because he feels you're not on top of it? Or that stuff is building up (especially if he's overfilling)? DH does all the dishwasher stuff in our house, but I do put it on occasionally if he hadn't done it the night before and we're out of spoons, or he didn't do any of DS's sippy cups or bibs, etc. I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel it needed doing at that point (mind you, this is only when DH is out of the house, otherwise I'd just nag him to do it).

Not trying to offend, just wondering if there's a reason he's being so dense!

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 07/02/2011 14:18

it's not just the cost though is it - its the time, getting to the shop, finding the right sizes and buying the stuff - ie the effort in replacing what he has ruined!!!

MusieB · 07/02/2011 14:18

If he really won't stop doing the washing, how about getting some of those Colour Catcher sheets (which absorb the dye from anything that runs) and insist he put one in whenever he puts on a wash?