To not lend money to my sisters?

[Lainey1981]

Have just had a text from my younger sister asking if I canlend her £25 until Monday. This is a regular thing, and I always say yes as she is 19 and has 11mo dd. Mostly i get the money back sometimes not.
My other sister who is older than me and has 4 dds asks to borrow mkney off me at least once a month usually around 80-100. She is on benefits but always runs out of money as her 'd'h is an acoholic and takes her money for drimk etc.
She also borrows from other people all the time and is therefore in a viscious circle of having to pay the miney back and being left short again as a result, so borrows ( repeat to fade).
Until recently I would never expect the money back as I feel bad if her dds don't eat. But started to want fo borrow more regularly like she was expecting it, so would ask for it back when she could afford. Tend to get it back in dribs and drabs.

Now, it's not so much the money as i work full time( on mat leabe currently) but the fact that I only seem to hear from them when they want money, and it's always requested by text as they are too embarrassed to phone me.

I am fed up of feeling used, and that I never get anything back from them in return ( ie support/ advice/ company as just had first dc aged 10 weeks).

AIBU to say no even though I have the money?

Sorry for long ramble

Good for you. It must be hard but you've done the right thing.

I'm a lone parent, have been on benefits before but I never asked family or friends for loans. I was too proud to borrow from them and preferred to do odd jobs or sell stuff on ebay rather than put my hand out.

Also, if they are on benefits, they can ask the DWP for a social fund loan, it gets repaid directly from their future benefits but it's interest free.

Well done Lainey. They will have to start to sort themselves out now, and not rely on you.

Well done Hope you're feeling OK. It can be very nervewracking changing your usual responses to family.

Hattie was in the same position with my sis. Lent her a large amount of money under the terms that she would pay me back when she could. When her and her DP started buying gadgets and various other things and I was on SMP I asked if she could start paying it back. She stalled for several months but eventually did set up a DD to my account after I specifically mentioned some of the unnecessary and extravagant purchases. It'll still take her several years to pay it back and I still think they spend money on stupid things but it least it is now coming back.

OP I hope your sisters realise how lucky they've been up to now and don;t hold a grudge that the bank is closed. If they really come and plead poverty and you don;t ant to refuse for their Dcs sake then offer to do a food shop for them rather than giving them cash.

I'd be inclined to tell them they need to learn to manage their money better, I am on benefits and I don't run out of money ever because I make sure I don't. I haven't borrowed a penny from family in ages - once last year I think and it was paid back immediately the next day. They sound like they are taking advantage of your generosity, yes it is hard work being on benefits, but you should be able to pay bills and feed your children on them. If they are not able to meet basic needs then something needs to change.

Thanks, am fine. Still no response but feel better for making a stand

What would happen if you said you didn't have any money but that if they are genuinely going hungry, you can drop off some food until they get more money in?

If they genuinely don't have any food they will be glad of it, or if it's merely to fund more booze then they will turn you down and you'll have your answer right there about whether they actually need the money.

YANBU. Do not lend them any more money. You are enabling their behaviour to continue. Put a stop to it now.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear your Sisters are treating you as the family bank Lainey. Well done on sending the text, I'm hoping they will stop pestering you for £'s soon.

I sort of understand how frustrating this is for you, my family & DP's family both have very similar situations going on but luckily me & DP haven't been dragged into it & aren't planning to any time soon!

My sister constantly goes to my Mum or my Nana for bailouts with the emotional blackmail (as she has 3 DC), amazingly though she always has money for fags, her DH's weed habit, booze, computer games & online bingo... Bailouts not being enough for her, she also steals from family members whenever she can, most recently £300 whilst my Grandad was dying in hospital. No morals & I have no respect for her anymore.

My woman-child SIL also constantly goes to PIL for bailouts & handouts, most recent ones have included new car, new printer, new dvd player, new boobs (yes, she actually "borrowed" the money for a boob job from her parents). DP & I are younger than her but much more mature & financially independent, always made me smile when PILs text all their friends & family to let them know they were going to become GPs and many responses were along the lines of "I hope it's [DP & WiiUnfit] not [SIL]!" despite her being older, I believe this is because it's blatently obvious she is unable to look after herself, let alone a child...

Says it all, really. Does it not?

If you're not dishing out the dosh - you're nothing.

I think you should close the bank. Permanently.