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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my family again

46 replies

vickster11 · 06/02/2011 23:59

This Sunday the family was going to get together for a family lunch. My family, sisters family, brothers family, and our parents.

Friday
I tell my sister I cant meet up between 2-3pm as my ds has his afternoon nap. Explain that he wont sleep in pram or car he likes his own bed. I said I can meet up before or after this time. Sister says I will call you on Saturday with times.

Saturday
9pm still no phone call. I send her a text is tomorrow happening?

10.45pm I finally get a reply the place is book, everyone is going to meet their. Its about a 40 minute drive. Meeting up at 2 eating around 2.30pm.The boys (my brothers kids are playing football till 1.30pm).

Im p off. I relp saying this is too late for us as ds has his nap so went will have to pull out.

Sunday
I get a reply at 10.30am are you coming around later?

I was so p off as I was looking forward to going out with everyone I didnt reply.

Seeing my parents tomorrow I dont want a fallout but I am angry. Shall I not bother visiting them.

Not sure what to say or do.

OP posts:

BeerTricksPotter · 07/02/2011 00:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntyfash · 07/02/2011 00:17

I think you are being very silly.
Fine if you want to become a social pariah though...carry on with what you are doing. If you make your whole world revolve around pfb then you will have no life whatsoever.

blinks · 07/02/2011 00:19

you're pandering to a 2 year old which is self defeating... he can't only nap at home forever and i also don't believe that he wouldn't sleep anywhere else if he had no choice.

it may well be your family are arseholes but on this occasion, i think you're being unreasonable.

DitaVonCheese · 07/02/2011 00:20

To be fair, I met up with my brothers and families for lunch today and childless brother suggested 3 pm, though it was closer to 4 by the time we ate, and the pub still seemed pretty full of people eating. Pretty confusing for the adults (DH and I have been snacking all evening ) but worked well for the toddlers.

YANBU for feeling hurt and left out and they could have let you know a bit earlier, but you do sound a bit inflexible (though I did used to get very stressed when DD didn't nap, so do have some sympathy). As others have asked, what timings would have worked for you? Today we took DD's pjs and toothbrush to the pub, changed her there post-late-lunch and then she fell asleep in the car on the way home - could that work for you next time?

JingleMum · 07/02/2011 00:23

oh for god's sake! there's nothing wrong with eating lunch at 3.30pm, they could have considered it.

they worked around the OP's nephew's football, why couldn't they work around OP's son's sleeping pattern?

people have got a real problem on here when it comes to "PFB", if you do anything remotely OTT you get the "PFB" brigade all over you.

JingleMum · 07/02/2011 00:24

i would like to add though OP - it won't hurt to disturb your son's sleeping pattern every now and then.

MorticiaAddams · 07/02/2011 00:26

If you eat at 3.30pm then you'd have to have a snack at lunchtime still. It would be difficult for the children who might then not be hungry and very unfair to the boys who played football.

It sounds as though there wasn't a time you all wanted and they chose for the majority which was lunchtime and not late morning or mid-afternoon.

starfishmummy · 07/02/2011 00:27

YABU

Pictish · 07/02/2011 00:33

"people have got a real problem on here when it comes to "PFB", if you do anything remotely OTT you get the "PFB" brigade all over you."

With all the best will in the world, those parents are kinda irksome. It's nothing personal, but a bug bear that loads of people share. Tis understandable.

JingleMum · 07/02/2011 00:47

pictish - fair do's, i can understand how a mother not allowing anyone else to hold her child could irk some people (myself included), but on here it seems that if you are a first time mother and are a weeny bit precious over some things (obviously not as stupidly dramatic as my example) then people love to jump all over you. what's so bad about being a little OTT in some circumstances with your first born? it shows you care and i'd rather be that kind of mum than one that isn't that arsed and just goes with the flow. sorry, but that's just my personal preferance.

i do see your point, i know some people are really over the top and it's cringeworthy, but i just don't think that's the case with the OP? i just thought it would be nice if they could all try and compromise.

MadamDeathstare · 07/02/2011 03:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pastapestofor6 · 07/02/2011 08:34

Yabu he is 2 not a baby, there is something wrong somewhere if a 2 year olds routine is dictating timings of an adult get together. As for you saying your son will have a 4 hour tantrum if he dosent get a nap, well that's just barmy, no 2 year old could keep going that long without totally exhausting themselves and falling asleep in the middle of the floor!

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 07/02/2011 08:39

YABU and PFB.

Shamechanger · 07/02/2011 08:48

TBH I would've kept my 2 year old up and both DS1 and DS2 wouldn't sleep outside their own cot after 6 months. Well DS2 would sleep in pram if kept constantly moving....

So if I had dictated my life around their sleep I would have been indoors all the time. Although I do feel your pain - many people assume your children would eventually fall asleep outside - they won't. Full stop. And sometimes you are better off not going out rather than everybody trying to eat through the whingeing or loud screaming in DS2's case...

Underachieving · 07/02/2011 08:50

As has been pointed out OP lunch couldn't have been at lunch time if it was set around your DS's times. As you have pointed out several people would have been inconvenienced or just you would have been inconvenienced. Eating lunch after 3.30 would really be difficult for a lot of people who have their own routine.

The unreasonable part, to my way of looking at it, is that you can't see that inconveniencing all those children and adults and having thier routines upset for the sake of not upsetting your DS's routine is a little bit too much to ask.

It's unfortunate that you have a son who's rather difficult to accomodate, but that is your cross to bear. Not everyone elses.

YABU

firsttimemum77 · 07/02/2011 08:57

Hi. Sorry to say but YABU. Definitely PFB thing going on! I say that because I've been there too! Thankfully I noticed what I was doing and stopped! Like others have said, you can not and should not revolve your life around your childs nap time. Occasionally there is nothing wrong with just going with the flow and forgetting routine. If your child is so tired and needs his nap trust me no matter how much he likes his bed he will fall asleep in the car or pushchair.

Don't fall out with anyone, it's not worth it. They obviously booked a time that was okay with the majority and I'm sure not to piss you off deliberately. I think you need to move on from this.

chickencrisps · 07/02/2011 10:17

very unreasonable imho

i wouldnt want to eat later than 2 for a sunday lunch, otherwise its the whole day taken up

and as for eating around a kid's afternoon nap - err no thanks!

jeanvaljean · 07/02/2011 10:27

If your son has to sleep from 2-3pm, and you see no way of changing this, then you're just going to have to rule out lunchtimes as socialising possibilities.

YABU to expect your family/friends to work around this.

jasper1980 · 07/02/2011 10:33

How old is your DS?

Northernlurker · 07/02/2011 18:56

I wish the op would come back and say what her ideal plan would have been. I thinkthat would be illuminating.

RunAwayWife · 07/02/2011 19:13

You are the only one being unreasonable, why should everyone change their plans to fit round your childs nap time?

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