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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My ex FIL seems to think that........

42 replies

Shimmerysilverglitter · 06/02/2011 22:46

now my dd is starting nursery and I will have a few hours in the morning to myself, that time would be well spent going round my ex H flat to clean it and do his washing and ironing and he is NOT joking.

Me and H have been split for a year because he was a complete pig, though we are on okish terms now because we co-parent.

WFT?? I am furious and if he says it to me again I honestly think I might slap him. He is MCP of the highest order. I really hate that these kind of attitudes are around my dc as well, I have one of each.

I know IA N BU but I don't really know what to say back without losing it completely.

OP posts:

JaxTellersOldLady · 07/02/2011 07:56

Probably best just to ignore it. If your DC get on well with their GP's and you can ignore their comments all the better for your own well being.

I assume that they (exPILs) are of the generation where Men worked and women stayed at home? YANBU, the attitude that they have sucks, but you know better and are teaching your children that to behave like that is wrong arent you?

Pheebe · 07/02/2011 08:00

Not much makes me laugh at the moment, this did though What an arse! All you can do is chuckle to yourself and shake your head. No point getting annoyed, won't change him at all.

MrsTumbles · 07/02/2011 08:15

and

again! I actually have no words, however penelopes response made me :)

MommyMayhem · 07/02/2011 08:15

Strawbezza · 07/02/2011 08:45

Unless he's about 100 years old, FIL can't be of the 'men worked and women stayed at home' generation.

Don't get cross, don't frown, don't attempt to justify or explain your so-called "spare time".

Just laugh next time he mentions it. And say "still makes me laugh when you say that".

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2011 09:01

I'd be inclined to laugh in FIL's (and MIL's, from the sound of it) face. And next time XH "repeats" it to you, I'd suggest that his father is partly responsible for his divorce, because he instilled those values in him. Give him something to think about.

2rebecca · 07/02/2011 09:09

If the grandparents really want contact with your kids then if you stop getting involved with them and leave them to liaise with their son it will still happen. It sounds as though you are still doing some of his "jobs" by taking the kids to see his parents. I'd let him do that with such awful parents (presume MIL is a total doormat).
It isn't your job to do all this organising. Drop it and let him pick up his share.

slug · 07/02/2011 09:36

Do you know FIL's email address? If so, sign him up to the fly lady and send him some cleaning cloths and a pinny in the post.

TrillianAstra · 07/02/2011 09:37

Are you sure this is a person who you want to be an influence on your children?

Really?

StuffingGoldBrass · 07/02/2011 09:42

I think it's a bit much to suggest stopping contact between DC and a grandparent they love just because the grandparent talks a lot of shit. You wouldn't cut a GP off for opposing political/religious views, would you?
However, you do need to point out to the DC that Grandad is being silly when he says things like that and he is wrong about housework being women's work.

Original poster

Shimmerysilverglitter · 07/02/2011 09:56

Oh I do let him know what a total doughnut he is being. Think he feels I am "out of control" since leaving his son.

It does actually make me feel sad for ex H though thinking of him as a little boy like my ds listening to and absorbing that kind of rubbish, never had a chance really. The main reason I left ex was because of the daily guilt and awareness that seeing ex behaving as he was would screw my dc up.

OP posts:

diddl · 07/02/2011 09:57

But surely you are enabling both your ex & your FIL to be idle buggers by running around with the children.

Let them sort themselves out.

Original poster

Shimmerysilverglitter · 07/02/2011 09:59

And no I wouldn't stop or reduce contact, it would hurt my kids. Next time he says it I will say "WTF are you on about?" with this look on my face.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shimmerysilverglitter · 07/02/2011 10:01

No they mainly come here as they actually live abroad which my dc, especially my ds struggle with anyway, so it is not as bad as it could be.

OP posts:

TheEvilDead2 · 07/02/2011 10:07

Are all of his exes required to share cleaning duties? Or just you? Do you each pop round on a specific date? FIL is a nutter. Tell him so

2rebecca · 07/02/2011 10:33

You're still treating your ex as a child by facilitating contact with his parents though. That really should be his job. You say it "wouldn't occur to him" to arrange contact, but surely if his parents hassle him about seeing the kids it will occur to him. If they live abroad it seems odd they visit you and the kids but not their son. are they estranged or something?

Original poster

Shimmerysilverglitter · 07/02/2011 10:47

They do visit him of course but he works long hours so is not always around when they are. He is quite selfish too and probably wouldn't put himself out to be around for them to see the dc,

It has nothing whatsoever to do with treating my ex like a child and everything to do with making sure MY kids get to see the people they love whenever possible. Who gains out of my not being flexible about this, certainly not my dc. I get to not have to put up with ridiculous comments from my ex fil I suppose but my kids get to be unhappy and miss their grand parents so it is a no brainer for me.

OP posts:

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