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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked that under 10s are on facebook.

33 replies

Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 21:03

I barely allow myself on there but have just seen a friend's grandchildren posting on their pages - which are open to view as well! I know these dcs are younger than my oldest and she isn't old enough. It's really worrying - I am as unhelicopter a parent as you can get but I think this is very undesirable and potentially unsafe.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 06/02/2011 21:04

yabu to be shocked - people let their kids do all sorts - YANBU to think it's not a good idea!

pointythings · 06/02/2011 22:05

YANBU - My DCs will not be allowed anything like this until they are out of the house, married and independent until they are at least 15. Facebook and other social networking sites are a potential source of dreadful cyberbullying.

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:10

yanbu! i have dc's 8 & 11 and they dont have accounts, the rules of facebook say min age is 13, so i have told my kids they will just have to wait, my ds will be 13 in bout 18 months and if he still wants an account theres a chance he will be allowed one after some discussion, but even if we say yes once he is the right age it will be under conditions,

i.e we have full access to his account, password etc, and that if someone requests him as a friend, he runs it by us first, same goes for him requesting friends, and to be honest we will prob only let him go in it if we are in same room, if we have to leave the room to do something like have a bath which takes time, then the parental controls will be switched on :)

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:12

oh and obviously we will be tightening the security privacy settings on the account IF he allowed to have one lol

babybythesea · 06/02/2011 22:13

YANBU. My 13 year old niece is on it and already someone from her class has called her a 'lesbo' for posting that she still liked and missed a girl from her old school. The general tone of his post was really unpleasant - fortunately she doesn't seem phased in the slightest (his problem apparently, the sensible girl) but you can just see how fast the cyber bullying could get out of control.

Ragwort · 06/02/2011 22:13

YUBU to even use FB yourself Grin.

bluejeans · 06/02/2011 22:16

YANBU

Like the OP I'm a laid-back parent but my DD isa not allowed on FB. It hasn't been an issue luckily as she's not asked but I'm shocked at how many of her friends have asked the be my friend! I don't want 10 year olds reading my status!

reelingintheyears · 06/02/2011 22:19

Totally agree..
SILs have their 9 year olds requesting us on FB.
We don't accept.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 22:24

most of DS1's friends has FB accounts he's 10 (Yr3) - it's the bane of my bloody life as when he says to me BUT ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE GOT ONE......

I can't say no only a few have it.........

It's worrying how many of their parents (who I have on FB as my friends) have let their children have their privacy settings to "friends of friends" (I don't think any of them have "everyone") -

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 22:25

I do have my nephew (who is 11) on my FB - but he's on limited profile so all he sees really is pictures of his cousins.

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:25

mind you, age restriction or not, some adults are not mature enough to use facebook, my own sister has just deleted her account as she says she is sick of all the trouble it causes, what she fails to see, is that its not actually facebooks fault, she posts nasty stuff about people on there and then when they try and defend themselves she gets the hump, and most of the time the person she is slagging off hasnt even done anything to deserve it, in them cases i just used to ignore her posts

worldgonemad72 · 06/02/2011 22:28

YANBU, my dd age 9 wants to go on facebook as some of her friends are on it. Ive said no which has not gone down well. Cant believe some parents let their children go on, im sure there is an age retriction which means they are putting in a fake dob.

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:29

yes it is 13 worldgonemad

bluejeans · 06/02/2011 22:32

Beertricks that's another reason for not letting DD on FB - I've noticed that her friends all have fake DOBs and have the high school as their school (as all still at primary) - shocked that their parents have condoned this! And I can see all this on their profiles without being frieds with them...

One of DD's friends hs asked to be my friend 3 times! I 'quietly ignore' each time but it's getting annying!

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:36

my dad reckons that before people are allowed an account, they should take some kind of psycological test to see if the mature enough etc lol

Original poster
Northernlurker · 06/02/2011 22:51

One of the children is only 8 I think Sad

OP posts:
MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 22:55

omg no way is my 8 yr old dd having facebook, no way on earth, i just dont understand it

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 23:03

absolutly beertricks a cousin of mine has let her 6 yr old dd have an account and she is always moaning about the kind of thing that her dd sees on people status!

well if you dont want your underage dd to see this stuff dont let her have an account when she is underage!

BeerTricksPotter · 06/02/2011 23:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBubbles · 06/02/2011 23:25

precisely beertricks normally i do hate being judgemental about parenting as it can be a dodgy subject at times, however in this case i cant help but think its a bad idea to allow kids to have this kind of access to the web

Emmanana · 06/02/2011 23:31

One criteria for my FB friends - Adults only.
I don't use it much, just to have a nosey every few days, then send messages to people who have shared news. Occ comment on a status. I am well aware of parents who have kids as young as 5 on there. I am suprised how some of them have their LO's listed as friends, yet don't seem to be bothered that the kids can see some of the things they write. Using bad language, innuendoes, talking about sex etc etc.
I can swear with the best of 'em, but certainly don't want to do it around kids. TBH it makes me uncomfortable when parents list their kids, same as it would having a pre teen sitting at a table of adults having dinner with a few drinks. There's some things I want to chat about/have a laugh about with only adults around.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 06/02/2011 23:33

" I am suprised how some of them have their LO's listed as friends, yet don't seem to be bothered that the kids can see some of the things they write. Using bad language, innuendoes, talking about sex etc etc.
I can swear with the best of 'em, but certainly don't want to do it around kids."

When DS1 does hit 13, and I finally allow him an account - he'll be listed as one of my friends.

All he'll be able to see is my photos that I've taken (which he'll already have seen anyhow). There's no way I'm going to have him nosing at what I'm saying.

Quite a lot of my friends with older children (over 13) have their child on their account - but hide everything from them.

Emmanana · 06/02/2011 23:59

Great attitude Baroque! Think that's definitely the way to go. Some of my friends do similar.I have suggested that to a couple of friends, that they hide wall/status from kids, to be told - 'oh they'll only see that kind of stuff of TV anyway - I don't have anything to hide from my kids'
Don't want to be judgey, but it does make my teeth itch when you see a thread on a parents status, addults referring to 'Tossers, arsesholes, cocks, etc' then the 8/9 year old says something on the same thread.
Someone was on there tonight commenting that 'Kerry Katona looked like a right slut, and you could see her flange when so and so lifted her', two lines later and the 8.5 yo old was posting who she wanted to win the Ice thingy.
Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Maybe some parents talk in front of kids like that in RL Sad