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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

what would you do?

21 replies

meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 19:23

What would you do if a family member told you that they were 'fooling around' (sexual activity but not full blown intercourse - not that it really makes a difference) with a married man who has three children? Also this man is her senior at work. Sad

Changed name for this, not that I think it matters too much because I am not on here enough really. Don't want to go into it anymore than that, just want advice.

Would you do anything? If you would, what?

TIA

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Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 19:24

Crap, I didnt change name. oh well never mind. Only one person from here is on my Facebook.

To that person - please say nothing if you read this.

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LilQueenie · 06/02/2011 19:26

Id give them no sympathy, they make their own choices in life but I wouldnt lie for them either. And I wouldnt keep my opinion to myself. If they tell you they should expect a reaction either way.

Pheebe · 06/02/2011 19:26

I would ask her not to tell you any more. Really its non of your business unless she is married to someone in your family or the man she is having an affair with is a family member. She's playing with fire and she WILL get burnt.

Distance yourself would be my advice but be there to pick up the pieces.

bubblewrapped · 06/02/2011 19:27

I would tell her she is playing with fire, is a silly tart, and risks losing her reputation as well as her job.

Numberfour · 06/02/2011 19:27

Keep your nose out of it and if she keeps on talking about it, just tell her that you do not want to know.

She knows what she is doing and that it will only end in heartache. Maybe hers, maybe his, maybe his family. But someone will get hurt.

BringOnTheGoat · 06/02/2011 19:27

Is the family member married?

Either way - I'd tell her she's selfish twat and to stop playing with fire.

Gleekfreak · 06/02/2011 19:28

This is basically a crap situation which is probably only going to get worse if continues. Assure friend you're there for her, but that she needs to stop this before it goes further before it goes horribly pear shaped.

Earlybird · 06/02/2011 19:28

presumably family member is single and female?

Ask what she hopes to accomplish - good time fling, breaking up marriage, promotion at work, etc. Hmm

At some point, her dalliance will end and it is usually the more powerful man who 'wins'.

How would your relative feel about possibly losing her job?

What will happen when colleagues begin to suspect....and they will. What happens when man's wife finds out?

I'd tell her to think very carefully about long term ramifications of what she is doing - she's flirting with a disastrous situation for all.

zikes · 06/02/2011 19:29

I'd advise her to start looking for another job.

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 19:29

She is not married herself. It is unlikey I will ever be asked anything so could just 'keep my nose out' and would prefer not to get involved.

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TheButterflyCollector · 06/02/2011 19:32

I'd do nothing. I'd consider that it's not my life to do anything about.

If I felt any emotion about her decision (which I wouldn't personally but I assume that you do, meltedchocolate) I'd ask her not to mention the subject to me again because it went against my moral beliefs/religion/I didn't want to fall out with her/add your own reason.

mommmmyof2 · 06/02/2011 19:36

I would let them get on with it but say you don't want to hear about it! hard though if you no the family involved.

Unfortunatly these things tend to come out in the wash, so someone will get hurt.

You could try and talk to her, but she already knows its wrong so you may not get nowhere fast.

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 19:42

I talked to her. Told her she was wrong and asked what she was hoping for, assuring her that it will go wrong and she could destroy a family. She 'knows' but doesnt want to stop it. I will do nothing but I will have no sympathy. This is the SECOND married man she has 'fooled around' with. Angry

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mommmmyof2 · 06/02/2011 19:46

She obviously don't care then, so I would just tell her not to tell you.She sounds selfish tbh, and one day maybe not yet she will get hurt herself!

Earlybird · 06/02/2011 19:48

Why did she confide in you? What prompted it?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 19:55

Earlybird - We have the same phone. I went to pick hers up thinking it was mine and she grabbed it very guilty like and suspiciously. I know her far too well and with her having done this before I figured it out.

Silly thing is she got hurt the first time. She was rejected after a little while of 'fun' and she was hurt. (That time I found out after it had all gone on, not while it was still happening) here she is making the same mistake again. I think she is just getting lonely, but even so.

Thanks for the advice.

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mommmmyof2 · 06/02/2011 20:00

She will always be lonely if she goes about doing things like that, and many times (not always) but many an affairs take place knowing full well they will never leave the OH.She will just be used, if she is happy with that let her.

bigbeagleeyes · 06/02/2011 20:03

Is it Katie Hopkins?

Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 20:05

I'm sure she knows that it isn't a lasting relationship. None of it makes any sense to me. Being light hearted for a second - men are complicated enough, why go for one that is THAT complicated :o Back to normal - I just feel sorry for the wife. If she finds out the family will be devastated. If she doesn't I know she is stuck with an arse of a husband. Well it isn't my business so I will try to forget. Can't help but lose so much respect for her.

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Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 20:06

bigbeagleeyes - I know I probably SHOULD get that but I don't, sorry. Please explain. I don't get out much and am oblivious to things going on Blush

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Original poster
meltedchocolate · 06/02/2011 20:08

Just looked it up - Shock No, but could be!!

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