Back story:
DS1&2 argue a lot, they are 14 months apart.
DS2 has suffered lots of hits and now is very 'hitty'.
They both provoke eachother, DS1 is much bigger and so serves up punishing blows.
I accept that children can be physical but this is never condoned and often punished.
Today....
boys looking for shoes, DS2s school shoes to avoid rushing tonight/tomorrow am.
DS1 stops looking, ds2 calls him a 'fat lazy idiot'...DS1 whacks DS2 a number of times, DS2 comes down stairs loudly crying the whole way (I have sinusitis, so this hurts a lot)
DS1 is called and talked to, very loudly by me, banned from all screens...he calls me a 'stupid woman', he gets a slapped hand (slight tap).
Then he tells me to bugger off and calls me a stupid fat idiot woman...........I chase him up the stairs and slap his other hand hard.
DS2 and DS1 can be heard calling me names from the top of the house, on purpose in the stairs so that I can hear and then ds2 tells dd (4) that he's going to push her down the stairs, so we'll get an ambulance again. She's very frightened and so he gets a slap on the hand too.
They had no warning about smacks, it's very very rare that they get them, but I am feeling unwell and now rather defeated. I keep thinking about when they're teens and bigger than me and thinking about the names they'll be calling me then. I do, however, feel I failed as I grew up in a proper violent household, lots of red midst and beatings.
DH is away on business and currently in the air.
12-1.30 DS1 is doing a course, the other side of the city and DS2's friend from his old school, still his best friend(ish) is having a party. A cricket party where all boys will have whites as part of the private school they go to, DSs will be wearing tracksuits.
AIBU to stop them going? In a bid to gather some respect and control or is that lost now I've smacked them?