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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Curtains ????

29 replies

trident · 05/02/2011 23:37

My partner hates curtains/blinds/window coverings and doors ( including closed doors).

Every room that we have re-decorated resulted in taking down the curtain/blinds and I am having a BIG BIG battle to get them re-instated.

Our kitchen/diner has been done in the last year and all the curtains/blinds have come down and I can't get him to agree that we need to replace them... luckily I did manage to negotiate a door (after 15 years of having no door on the kitchen)- but (hey ho) it's fully glazed though....

The bathroom did have blinds - but since updating it 2 years ago - I have not been able to negotiate getting any nice window coverings back up.

He is now discussing that we decorate the lounge - I stated that I am not in favour of this as there are already curtains there and they would not be replaced if they were taken down.

He never closes the curtains in any of the rooms where we still have curtains and hates closed doors - if he had his way he would remove them all....

He has decided that (if I must ) I can have curtains on one side of the lounge and not the other (as there is no "value" on putting curtains up on the other side) - my response was WTF....

AIBU to want to have curtains to make our house feel/look cosy?

I could understand this in a high-rise loft apartment - but we live in 1960s bungalow in the middle of nowhere....

p.s. I know it's petty - but it niggles me.... as I am getting to the stage that I don't care about the house anymore.

p.p.s Don't start me on having any lights on to see what you are doing in the house.... or I shall scream and scream and scream...

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 05/02/2011 23:38

It's not petty, it's downright weird. I won't start on the billion reasons for why but YANBU.

chiefcook · 05/02/2011 23:39

YANBU
my neighbours have curtains but don't feel the need to close them at night...then they walk around naked..Hmm

Ew, just thought of the flash I got walking up the path a few months ago!!

ilovemyhens · 05/02/2011 23:41

I suffer from the same problem Blush

I don't like curtains, but do tolerate blinds. I can't cope with closed doors and my dh is terrible for closing them and it really bothers me.

The only curtains we have are up at the patio door window which is too large for blinds.

Perhaps it's an unidentified syndrome or something Confused

ilovemyhens · 05/02/2011 23:42

I have also removed the kitchen door, but dh has now put a curtain up, so I have to tie it back and he keeps untying it Sad

chelstonmum · 05/02/2011 23:44

Our window frames are too neat for curtains and blinds (I would have both!) so I settled on curtains.......they finish a room and look cosy (plus they close at night!).

We have neighbours who only have (very thin) nets, a passion for 100W light bulbs and very high heating bills (well they must, they are always half naked!).

YANBU!

Original poster
trident · 05/02/2011 23:45

ilovemyhens - tell me why - I need to understand.....

After 15 years together - I can just about tolerate most of the stuff (on a good day) - but to me any room without curtains etc looks/feels cold/half-decorated and I hate the fact that anyone could be looking in....

I love to "curtain out" the world - but he seems to not be fussed about this.....

I am intrigued....

OP posts:
GloriaSmut · 05/02/2011 23:47

I'm not keen on curtains for the sake of curtains - a friend of mine has such ridiculously over-dressed windows that I'm amazed the lintels haven't collapsed. Also we live in the middle of nowhere with fantastic views so I'd never have curtains or blinds on the kitchen windows which aren't overlooked.

But there is something very weird about being so anti-curtain as to come to bizarre compromises about allowing half a room to be curtained. Was his mother badly frightened by a vertical blind while pg or something?

shakey1500 · 05/02/2011 23:48

I'm not a lover of blinds/curtains or shudder nets to be honest. Fair enough, where we live now there is a need unless we want all and sundry peering into the lounge.

Last place we lived, twas a top flat, great views, no-one could look in so we were sans any form of window "dressing".

spongebobsquareknickers · 05/02/2011 23:51

Thats just damn weird, like the american (?) thing of having curtains but not shutting them in case anyone thought you were hiding anything!

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 06/02/2011 00:08

Trident :( It's hard when there is something 'big' that you don't agree on, no matter what it is. Has he ever given you any indication of why? I mean it would be easy to say he doesn't want to spend the money if it was just the window dressings... but the doors as well?

I actualy prefer not to have window dressings myself. I like as much natural light in as I can get and everything stops it to one degree or another, but sadly, like you, I don't live in a lovely loft apartment - it's more like a goldfish bowl and so as not to scare the neighbours we have to have 'something'. A year down the line I am still 'making do' with the shitty horrible ones that were here when we bought it because I can't find anything I can 'settle' on - nothing seems 'right'.

Curtains do make a house feel cosy though!

I am a 'door opener' too :) I only shut the front door a couple of hours ago (it was a nice enough day at last to let the air blow through) and every other door in the house is fully open. We have two doors into the lounge and if I could find a way of taking the doors off so it didn't look like they were 'missing' or that they were ugly arches I would - I just don't see the point in them

Sorry for using your thread for a bit of self-therapy! Not sure it will help you much though!

Original poster
trident · 06/02/2011 00:20

Thanks - but I don't live in a loft apartment - but our property does have the most fantastic views over rolling country-side (in the day-light..)

I just keep getting the creeps - I need to feel that everything is "snuggled" around me.... he doesn't.

At the moment I am looking out on a totally black landscape - the only door is rattling thru the wind and I am easily spooked..... it will look better in the morning...

Curtains would make all the difference....

OP posts:
cat64 · 06/02/2011 00:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 06/02/2011 00:43

Trident - I was saying, 'like you, I don't live in a loft apartment' (ie neither of us does!!). You have nicer views than me Grin

If it's just a case of him not thinking it necessary, rather than being something that 'freaks him out' why doesn't he just let you do it? It there is a reason he doesn't want them then he needs to be able to tell you what that reason is. The lack of them is bothering you a lot he needs a good reason to 'inflict' this level of discomfort on you!

I would be happy to have it how it is now (at your house), but if I lived with you and could see how uncomfortable it was for you, I wouldn't object to you putting non fusssy curtains up, with the agreement that you pull and draw them and don't whinge at me that I haven't done so!! Grin

thunderchild · 06/02/2011 00:44

YANBU
just tell the weirdo not ONCE EVER to complain about sky high heating bills come winter, as it is scientifically proven that good curtains are far better heat retainers than double glazing! Also better for security as there are burglers (the cads) that target remote houses.
Anyway, what about privacy ( assuming that you both need to pee etc from time to time)

OOOh, and fire safety, as good doors (solid wood are the best)can hold a 1500degC fire for approx 20 minutes, and with no internal doors , a house (house -not loft appartment) is NOT ensured against fire!

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 06/02/2011 00:49

i have blinds downstairs (venetians) but upstairs the boys have blackout blinds no curtains cos havent got round to buying curtain poles yet (lived here 4 years in mayHmm)

Our bedroom has dark burgandy curtains up.

Waiting for FH to fit our venetain blinds in that window

TimeToStartACHEEKYDiet · 06/02/2011 00:50

btw meant to add i prefer curtains as makes a room feel warm and cosy.

nooka · 06/02/2011 00:55

I think that your partner has a problem. It is very odd to feel so strongly about something as normal as curtains. I really like curtains for fairly similar reasons to you, I like to draw them in the evening when it's cold and dark outside and I like to have nice material as part of the furniture of the room. I would not like to feel that people could look in (not because I am concerned about privacy particularly I just don't like the idea that someone can see me when I can't see them).

I really dislike net curtains and I aim to exclude as little natural light as possible so I understand the concerns about fussiness or excluding light, but total refusal seems very weird to be honest. Likewise I understand preferring to have doors open, but removing them again seems very extreme. I'd wonder if he was at some point trapped somewhere perhaps to have such an extreme viewpoint.

Original poster
trident · 06/02/2011 00:59

OMG - don't get me on "Elf & Safety" now - when we had a BIG party a few years back I had to ensure that that all my decorations were safe...... I still have the bottles of fire retartant crap that I had to spray all over them before putting them up...

Good Party though - no-one got flambeed (sic!!).... and luckily I was too drunk to notice ....

...so the straw poll seems to indicate that if I live in a house that is not overlooked that am IABU....

Shucks - that means that I am going to have hone my negotiating skills..... kissie, kissie.....

OP posts:
tyzer2001 · 06/02/2011 07:45

It sounds to me as though your DP is mildly claustrophobic and needs to be able to see his exit route clearly at all times?

You could perhaps look for some professional help or guidance to establish the cause - but only if he accepts that his strength of feeling on this is unusual and causing you problems.

You are definitely NBU to want to close out a black windswept world at night, especially if (like me) you are the type who imagine ghoulies and ghosties and mad axemen looking in at you Confused

ilovemyhens · 06/02/2011 08:20

I honestly can't tell you why because I don't understand myself. I do know that I'm claustrophobic and used to have this door behaviour when I was young because it's referred to in my social services notes which I accessed a few years ago. It did click then that I might have a problem, but it's not that bad and nobody really complains about it - apart from dh thinking I'm encouraging draughts around the house. I look forward to the summer because then I can leave the doors open all over the place Grin

I do like the blinds shut at night in case there's somebody passing outside - I still value my privacy.

I also have to sleep near an open window and can't sleep in the middle of a room or too far from the window either.

I think it's probably some deep seated claustrophobia thing going on that I'm not even aware of.

ilovemyhens · 06/02/2011 08:24

We live in a 1960s house too with very large windows. You do need some sort of covering on them for privacy. I found that I could cope with horizontal blinds because then I could vary the amount that they're open/closed and that made me feel okay.

I do think that no window coverings at all is unreasonable though and you'll have to sort it out one way or another and you dh will just have to learn to cope or go for counselling about it.

My dh makes me keep the lounge door closed because we get an icy draught in there from the catflap and I do hate it, but have just had to learn to accept it.

scotsgirl23 · 06/02/2011 09:10

YANBU. I'd hate a curtain-less house, they make a room seem cosy and homely and they make a huge difference to keeping out drafts. And I find rooms echo without them. However, I have a major thing about nice window dressings anyway, they tend to be a feature in my house so I'm a bit biased!

starkadder · 06/02/2011 09:35

It must get quite cold without curtains. Does he mind high heating bills?

OTheHugeManatee · 06/02/2011 09:52

What happens when he wanders around in the nip?

Or doesn't he do this?

Does he just expect the neighbours to look away? Hmm

bumparoo · 06/02/2011 12:46

my xp was the exact opposite he had blinds & curtains closed in the middle of the day&night in every room ( he said he liked it dark) and all doors closed, now i dont have any curtains in the house at all & doors always open, it drives my dp mad but i feel trapped otherwise?? its taken 6months 4him 2finally convince me 2buy my daughter much wanted new curtains (still not put them up yet thou) my nets 3 quite thick and never walk around naked!! do u kno if there is an underlying reason for his behaviour