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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to resent constant presence of laptop in living room every evening?

31 replies

juniperlips · 05/02/2011 21:54

I think I am BU about this, but can't be the only one.

I'm nostalgic for the days when the home PC was a bit hulking metal in the corner of the cold and messy spare room, on a dusty desk with a wonky office chair, which made surfing the net a lonely but necessary affair. You booked your train tickets, did an online grocery shop, sent a few emails and then logged off and carried on with your evening.

How did it all happen so fast, that cosy nights on the sofa cuddled up with DH, a bottle of wine and crap tele have been replaced by me sitting one end, and him at the other on his feckin laptop, tap tap tapping away, and surfing for hours and hours on end?

I'm hardly dragging him away from the party of a lifetime, but do you remember when evenings used to be about sharing time together? TV would be a bit crappy, but there was always something on we could agree, and comment upon. Now, DH watches with one eye on the TV, and one eye glued to the laptop screen.

I have huffed and puffed and aired my opinions about this, but he argues, why is it any different to him reading a book or the newspaper whilst I watch TV? Which is a good point, but it's the utterly all-consuming way in which the internet has replaced the TV as the source of an evening's entertainment and it's such a solitary pleasure (ahem)

Don't get me wrong - I could MN ALL day and ALL night if I could. I have my own laptop, I could easily sit there and MN whilst he's surfing car and football sites (his obsession) But quite apart from the fact that the thought of us both sitting on the sofa on our respective laptops makes me feel like i'm in some orwellian nightmare of dysfunction, i just feel it would be rude and discourteous to MN for hours on end whilst others are in the room and may appreciate my companionship. He obviously doesn't share this view.

So what's it like in your houses, when the kids are in the bed and the curtains are drawn? Has it become the norm for couples to surf the net independently on different laptops, in the same room?

My SIL reliably informs me that her and her entire family of 4 all sit in the living room all night every night together, on 4 different laptops (and yes, the DDs even communicate to each other via FB)

Should I just accidently drop his laptop in the bath?

OP posts:
redoneslast · 05/02/2011 21:55
Biscuit
Katey1010 · 05/02/2011 21:56

some orwellian nightmare of dysfunction here I'm afraid. Both on laptops all the time. We do have some things we like to watch together, or we go out.

Onetoomanycornettos · 05/02/2011 21:57

I think you have a very good point (not sure why you have received a biscuit) and would (do) ask my husband to stop going on the ocmputer if we are sitting together chatting or watching a film. No objection to him going on computer, nor him to me, but not all the time every night.

redoneslast · 05/02/2011 21:58

The biscuit because in my house the one with the laptop is me Blush

TattyDevine · 05/02/2011 21:58

I grinned because we are both sitting here with our laptops. Its fecking Saturday night!

Don't ban it. I suggest you encourage a "laptop free night" once a week with a bottle of wine and a DVD like you mentioned, and see if he'll agree to that...

bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 21:59

Lol.. Hmm are you sure you arent my husband in a frock...

I sit here in the armchair with my lappy or pc next to me, he is on the sofa watching whatever he likes on the tv..

but we are both happy in our little worlds, and we do have conversation with each other too...

RevoltingPeasant · 05/02/2011 21:59

We only have one laptop (mine). Also no tv.

Now that's fun.

mitochondria · 05/02/2011 21:59

Umm.

I am sitting on sofa using laptop.

Husband is not even in the house, he's in the garage lifting weights (don't ask).

But it's not unknown for us to have a laptop each, in the orwellian nightmare of dysfunction.

At least we're in the same room!

Fernie3 · 05/02/2011 21:59

At the moment he is downstairs watching a film which seems to mostly be about various men is suits killing innocent civilians and i am upstairs reading blogs aboit perfect people and wishing i did stuff like make " sensory play trays" for my children. Tis is an average night. Although when i was a child my parents average night was drinking cider watching tv with me and my sister watching tv in our own rooms so I reckon this is better it could be!

bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 22:00

What you could do though...

take your laptop upstairs, get him on msn or facebook chat, and talk dirty to him.. see how long it takes him to log out and race up the stairs.. Wink

LadyOfTheManor · 05/02/2011 22:01

I have banned laptops/ipod touches/iphones from the bedroom.

We don't read as much as we used to, so we save reading for bed time!

janelikesjam · 05/02/2011 22:01

I think it is actually a bit insidious (she says, typing with her laptop in the living room).

I am actually going to do something about it from next week and experiment by going on it only once a day, in late evening, for internet dating, 30 mins max!

I have begun to realise that - though the internet is brilliant in many ways and has opened the world up in terms of knowledge and information in a fantastic way - it is also way too easy to just waste half your life on it.

cantspel · 05/02/2011 22:02

I am old fashioned and just send my oh to the pub so i can sofa surf to my hearts content.
My boys have their own laptop and yes i have been gulity of using facebook to tell them it is time to turn off their lights and sleep.

FabbyChic · 05/02/2011 22:02

Im sat at a desktop all night, whilst my son has his xbox on with the headphones, and a laptop on his lap checking his facebook, when the eldest comes home from uni he spends all his time on his laptop.

Sign of the ages I'm afraid.

We have been all into computers for over 8 years now. None of us do anything with the TV other than watch a dvd once in every six months.

Original poster
juniperlips · 05/02/2011 22:04

Grin bubblewrapped.I'm not sure I can compete with the erotic joys of the VW chat rooms.

I'm MNing upstairs in the bedroom right now, as I just CAN'T bring myself to sit downstairs side by side on the sofa with our laptops. I only MN in private. Am I a bit weird?

OP posts:
Fernie3 · 05/02/2011 22:04

Does playing online games together count as spending time together ?

Is so we do that alot Grin

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 05/02/2011 22:04

I think it causes problems in many households :( and is the 'norm' in many more households where no one has an issue with thi - but I don't think it's good for relationships :(

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 22:05

take your laptop upstairs, get him on msn or facebook chat, and talk dirty to him.. see how long it takes him to log out and race up the stairs..

Better still..call yourself 'Mandy from Milton Keynes' and see if he talks dirty back Grin

Original poster
juniperlips · 05/02/2011 22:07

could always be Martin the Greasy Mechanic from Maclesfield..

OP posts:
Original poster
juniperlips · 05/02/2011 22:10

online games good Fernie - I could do that, but I don't think it's his kind of thing. I just want to watch stuff to-gevvver, even if it IS DIY SOS.

We do actually have DVD nights every friday, but whereas in the 'old days' we'd sit through the entire film regardless of how bad it is, he now loses interest within the first half an hour, unless it's a really gripping thriller/car chase type movie, sighs that this 'is a bit slow' and switches the bastard machine back on.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheManor · 05/02/2011 22:10

Ha Mutz!

mutznutz · 05/02/2011 22:10

I think it's the old saying 'everything in moderation.' Me and my Husband hardly ever go out because quite frankly we can't be arsed. It takes so much effort getting the PIL to drive down from the West Ends..then because they sleep over, we end up giving them our bed and sleeping on an inflatable mattress in the lounge (fun sometimes though!)

So rather than live in each other's pockets, I'll log in to MN or other forums and Facebook...he'll browse Sports pages, Sports forums and various porn sites.

Then when we're finished, we'll cuddle up on the couch and watching something on TV or sit and chat together.

In my parent's day..the Man would probably have gone down the pub every night whilst the woman stayed home or spent the evening with a neighbour for company.

Oldsilver · 05/02/2011 22:13

My DP doesn't even bother to be in the same room, he doesn't like anything on the telly putting him off - hence my increased MNetting. If you can't beat them, join them!!

FunnysInTheGarden · 05/02/2011 22:14

How about having dinner (and wine) together after DC have gone to bed and then an hour watching the telly before bed. If me and DH didn't get our 'me' time having dinner and a chat between the hours of 8-10pm we would have NO relationship at all.Tell your DH to sack the computer until after dinner/you time

Original poster
juniperlips · 05/02/2011 22:15

thing is, I would be very very happy if he DID go to the pub more. The internet has done nothing for the more misanthropic male has it? He was pretty sociable when we met ten years ago. He now has so many online grease monkey mates that there's no need to go out. (oh, and we're skint) I wish he'd go out more, would LOVE the space and peace and chance to catch up on Kerry Katona: The next chapters on Sky+

OP posts:
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