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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go to a meeting about a school trip that I have no intention of sending dd1 on

23 replies

slugz · 05/02/2011 20:57

The school does a residential trip each year for year fives. Dd1 brought home the letter for this with the details and costs (£250). I think this is a lot for a 4 night trip less than an hour away. I'm also not that impressed with their list of activities. Things like visits to a farm and a recycling centre are educational, but all things that could be done from here and don't really justify the money.

Ds went on the year 5 trip. It was cheaper than this one but I had less money at the time. He moved to the school the week before the payment was due. His Dad had died and we had to be rehoused by the council, hence the school move. Because of this I wanted him to fit in and so paid money I didn't have. The school were very pressurising about it, and I felt completely railroaded into it because it's what you're supposed to do. It was on the isle of wight so presumed the costs would be heavier to pay for the ferry. I was absolutely gutted when he came back to only talk of the posh hotel, 3 course meals and waiters. I have never stayed anywhere as classy myself. I thought he was exaggerating but it became obvious at their class assembly that this was what happened.

I told dd1 straightaway that she couldn't go on this trip. Of course she was disappointed but helpfully I'd just had an email from brownies detailing a 5 day camp with them. It's £145 and sounds much better, outdoor pursuits, cooking and cleaning for themselves, getting there on the train via London. The only problem is that if it's oversubscribed they'll draw a lottery, but that's life. Dd1 understands that it might not happen but I'm trying to send her.

2 days after the letter came out dd1 came home saying she'd been really embarrassed at school because they'd asked all the children to say if they were going or not. Dd1 and 1 other girl were the only ones to say no and were asked why, the other girl said she'd get homesick and dd1 said she didn't have enough money.

Except for now we've had a letter saying only 12 children have signed up, so the original poll was obviously wrong, presumably the other children hadn't discussed it with their parents. So now they're holding a meeting after school to do a presentation to explain why it's so important for them to go.

Possibly, they may help some with the funding, but I don't want help, I'm not totally skint, I just don't think on consideration that it's a fair use of family finances. If we need to repair the car for £250 then I can.

So, I want to go to this meeting, for 2 reasons. 1:I want the school to know that I actually do give a damn. 2:I'm concerned that some of the other parents, especially those whose eldest child it is, will end up being bullied into being told how great it will be for their child's independance when actually they can't afford it. I kind of just want to stand up and say no, she's not going and I don't feel bad about it. Just so that other people don't end up thinking that they'd better do it just so their child won't be the only one.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 05/02/2011 20:59

I'd go and give my reasons for my child not going.

It seems a hell of a lot of money for nothing basically.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 05/02/2011 21:14

I think that's a good idea.

How dare they try to bully or shame parents into forking out for a trip!

troisgarcons · 05/02/2011 21:16

It's your choice to exclude her from something her peers are doing. That in its self marks her as different from the others.

if you really want to stand up in a meeting and announce 'I'm too poor' then so be it - but be prepared for the bitch mother from hell to regale the tale to her little angel and your daughter to be taunted with it thereafter. And that, m'dear will follow her all the way through secondary school as well.

slugz · 05/02/2011 21:20

All the other kids know already, that's why I wasn't happy that she was made to tell them the reason in front of the class.

OP posts:
IndigoBell · 05/02/2011 21:22

I think the trip sounds totally unreasonable and you are quite right to say so.

Nothing to be embarassed about by not having a spare £250 lying around......

troisgarcons · 05/02/2011 21:22

Personally - strong letter to the Head - a lot of these trips are advised for the simple reason it creates bonding and team work in an environment away from home and school pressures.

You might think they are 'worthless activites' and that may be so - but what she will gain in confidence and self knowledge in preparation for secondary school is far greater.

bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 21:24

Does she want to go on it?

Can you afford it?

I think maybe you should go to the meeting with an open mind, and listen to what it is about before judging.

You seem almost bitter that your son enjoyed his trip :(

RailwayChild · 05/02/2011 21:24

I don't think schools should pressure children and parents in this way.

My DC have done the school trips and have enjoyed them but the money for one DC to do 4 days has always been disproportionate to what we pay for a holiday for 4 abroad for 2 weeks.

If it comes between a family holiday or one DC having 4 days with school I know which I'd wish to opt for

slugz · 05/02/2011 21:28

Totally up for the teambuilding and bonding stuff. That's what I want from a school trip. But from the experience I had with ds I wasn't impressed with this side of things. Obviously I'm lucky that I've got the brownie option which most other parents won't have.

It's not the money per se, but the value for money. I just don't feel that's an amount that I can take from the family budget to spend on one child, when I don't think it's worth that amount. And don't think they should expect people to do it, just because 'that's what you do when you're 9.'

OP posts:
slugz · 05/02/2011 21:32

Really not bitter that ds enjoyed the trip. He has done a different one since at an outdoor pursuits centre. I think it cost £150 and they were entertained and taught from morning till night. I thought it was fantastic value for money. I really don't mind paying for opportunities that I can't give.

OP posts:
bubblewrapped · 05/02/2011 21:33

Right..so your son has done 2 trips... what has your daughter been on?

slugz · 05/02/2011 21:34

One brownie trip so far for the weekend. Which is similar to what he'd done at that age. He's 14.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 05/02/2011 21:35

I was absolutely gutted when he came back to only talk of the posh hotel, 3 course meals and waiters. I have never stayed anywhere as classy myself

Are you sure its not this thats making you mardy??Hmm

slugz · 05/02/2011 21:36

A bit, because I'm suspicious of what they're spending funds on.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 05/02/2011 21:38

I agree with the op tbh, it is a lot of money for a school trip which is not that great. So only those with money can bond and gel with their classmates Hmm Really there will be plenty of other opportunities for that, kids have to understand that you cannot always get what you want.

pigletmania · 05/02/2011 21:39

The brownie trip sounds more like it, that way her dd wont be missing out and will get to know eifferent children.

slugz · 05/02/2011 21:41

Fingers crossed she gets on it.

OP posts:
megapixels · 05/02/2011 21:45

YANBU. I would never let my DC do something just because "everyone else is doing it". That's how children/teens think, adults should know better.

So you're right to go and explain why you're not sending your DD. The school should not be pressurising parents into sending their children, especially on such a poor value trip.

troisgarcons · 05/02/2011 21:48

See, I love school trips - they are important ..... my Y8 was slung in the middle of a field, in a howling gale and each set of 8 to pitch their own tents ...... every tent batr one wnet down with swine flu Grin and they were all oiked out for 15 mile bike rides and 20 mile trecks..... and they loved every minute of it ... one of the best 240 quids I've ever spent! Each tent had to take it in turns to get up at 6am and cook breakfast for 140!!

But then we had sensible teachers who announced that we needn't bother to pack pants or socks or soap as boys never showered, washed or changed their clothes - and he was right! And to expect that at least one would end up severely damaged somehow in hospital - and they did too!

It's life. Now he's Y10 I'm packing him off to China for a month Grin

maryz · 05/02/2011 21:48

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maryz · 05/02/2011 21:49

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slugz · 05/02/2011 21:57

I don't believe we're a special case though. Like I said, we're not super skint, just don't have that sort of money hanging around. It's a considered decision not to send her and tell her why.

Troisgarcons, that is exactly the sort of camp I want my kids on (possibly minus swine flu would be desirable). Unfortunately really really can't afford to send my y9 on the Thailand one. Don't know how much it costs, he didn't bring the letter home, he knows it's out of our league.

OP posts:
maryz · 05/02/2011 22:17

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