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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ds Dad should pick up and bring home

37 replies

1legmummy · 05/02/2011 11:07

He sees him one day per week and has just dropped his maintenance £5 a week because I asked him to pick up and bring home on that one day.

I do everything else all week and never ask him to take him anywhere.

He is very confrontational, we have been slit up for 10 years, I am married with another son and he is happy with a new girlfriend

It does me no favours having ds bit I would never stop it

Should I agree to drop him off?

Any other advice to make it more amicable

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:

BringOnTheGoat · 05/02/2011 14:58

He sees him ONE day - he can pick up & drop off - it is the ONLY thing he does ALL week for his son. He sounds like he just wants a row and to make your life harder. It's no skin off his nose to do a small journey twice a week (there and back).

Stop trying to make it more amicable. Accept the kind of man DS's father is and get on with it. You cannot change his behaviour only yours. Let him deal with the consequences of his inflammatory and difficult attitude. Let him rage against the world about the unfairness of pick up's, maintainence or whatever irks him - just let it wash over you. His attitude speaks volumes about him not you. Think he has shown he doesn't do amicable.

Go to CSA to stop all this wanking around over money.

Original poster

1legmummy · 05/02/2011 15:18

Just to answer the amputee question. If my leg will not go on then I cant drive. I drive with my false leg as my left leg is so painful.

I do give into hime for an easy life, always have.

He always has answers and I can never think of an arguement back.

So should I share all the dropping off and collecting in the week then?

OP posts:

Truckulente · 05/02/2011 15:19

As he's self-employed if you do go to the CSA be prepared for your money to drop.

Original poster

1legmummy · 05/02/2011 15:21

Yep thought that Truckulente, its not really about the money to be honest.

I did his books for 8 years. He is Director of his own Company, but he would hide as much as he could

OP posts:

BringOnTheGoat · 05/02/2011 19:46

Thing is giving in is not really giving you an easy life is it? You're amicable - he drops the money, you're amicable- he moans about drop offs, you're amicable - he's a cock - think you can see where I'm going with this

slipperandpjsmum · 05/02/2011 19:57

I used to always drop my ds off for 10 years and sometimes pick up. I did it because I wanted an easy life but looking back it was the wrong thing to do. My ex sounds like yours his way or no way. I wanted my son's visits to be positive and not over shadowed my his dads bad mood but as my son has got older he has seen the man his father he is and made his own choices. Don't confuse an easy life with not having the courage to stand up to a bully, it just gets worst as the years go on.

tralalala · 05/02/2011 19:59

DH used to get annoyed at doing all of the drop offs for DSS, but that was because he worked full-time had DSS all w/e (fri night to Sunday night)and then have to do all the pick ups/drop offs whilst his ex never did. And she didn't work all and as DSS was in school 9-3pm it was unfair.

Now they share it and it works much better. In your circs he should do it all, he barely does anything to look after his child by the sounds of it.

Original poster

1legmummy · 06/02/2011 19:28

thanks so much, I have stood my ground.

If the money stops all together then I will goto CSA, but I am not going to rock the boat by doing everything at once.

It does seem a shame that we cant even speak about our Son, but at least I am learning to stand upto him.

Thanks to you lot.

OP posts:

BringOnTheGoat · 06/02/2011 19:38

Well done 1leg

It is a shame but at least you can hold your head up that yopu have been reasonable. It is not you who can't talk about son - it's him.

If it's not too patronising and odd - am proud of you

zookeeper · 06/02/2011 21:04

I used to think that it was only fair that both parents share the collecting and return of the kids but when one parent spends most of the time caring for the kids and transporting them around to parties, after school activities etc etc etc then I don't feel that it's too much to expect the absent parent to do both journeys.

I am off to a CSA tribunal soon - my ex is claiming that the amount of maintenance he owes shghould be reduced by his travel expenses. Apparently he can do this.

Original poster

1legmummy · 07/02/2011 18:14

zookeeper - good luck xx

BringOnTheGoat - Thank you xxx

OP posts:

readywithwellies · 07/02/2011 18:35

OP - try not to talk to him at all. Get him to email anything he wants to discuss. He cannot manipulate you so easily. My life is stress free most of the time now because I know I won't have a confrontation on the door step.

As for the dropping off/picking up - he can do it. He wants to see his son, he can facilitate it. How about getting him to pick him up from school one day a week to ease your burden? My ex whinged and moaned but he does it and the dcs benefit as their father has a link with the school. If he is the Director, surely he can swing this?

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