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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to fake sometimes

23 replies

welshandproud · 04/02/2011 23:14

Don't get me wrong when it's good, it's amazing but sometimes I'm just not going to get there however pleasant it feels...
Am i the only one who does this?
I must be good as he never seems to guess?!

OP posts:
spongebobsquareknickers · 04/02/2011 23:16

Sorry but Im honest with my DH, if its not working I tell him. I mzke sure he knows that I'm fine with it, but dont see the point in pretending :)

IWantToBeAFairyWhenIGrowUp · 04/02/2011 23:16

I think its a bit of a waste of time myself.

Faking that is... Smile - so YABU.

goodnightmoon · 04/02/2011 23:16

good for you. i never dare fake it, i think DH would be able to tell. i just say it's not going to happen and that for me it doesn't always have to happen. (this is maybe one out of every five or six times.)

BaronessBomburst · 04/02/2011 23:23

I don't fake it with DH, but I can think of an occasion in the past where I faked it in order to hurry up the whole sorry affair so I could go home! Grin

Original poster
welshandproud · 04/02/2011 23:23

It actually saves time!
I don't do it to be mean if fact quite the opposite, i want DP to still feel like a stud but just do it quickly and let me get on with something else!
disclaimer-i'm talking once or twice a month at most, we have sex 4/5 times a week

OP posts:
HerBeX · 04/02/2011 23:24

Why do you have to "get there"?

Sex is supposed to be fun, not some kind of onerous performance with targets and objectives.

So yes, I think YABU.

warzone · 04/02/2011 23:26

I have done this occasionally. I don't like it though - it feels like deceit. I'd rather be honest but sometimes you just don't want to burst their bubble. So Yanbu as long as it's very rare.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 23:27

YABU ...why do you fake it? Can't he take it if you're honest and say it's not working for you?

warzone · 04/02/2011 23:27

And by rare, in my case, I'm talking about once or twice a year.

Original poster
welshandproud · 04/02/2011 23:29

Sex IS fun! but I feel a resposibility to help my DP enjoy it and that means a climax for him. He obviously feels the same and endeavours to make me reach orgasm before he does.Sometimes i know i havent got the energy to get to that point so i save his feelings and save us both some time!

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 23:34

Well...I don't know if "responsibility" and sex are words which should ever meet!

And if your DP needs climax to enjoy himself well that's his look out..if yo want to help him get there fine! But it's not ok to fake it in my opinion...if you can't get there it could be for many reasons...it's not all his fault. Surely an adult male can see that?

Asteria · 04/02/2011 23:35

occasionally is not the end of the world.

I would pull ridiculously theatrical fake orgasms if it wasn't going to happen (which was very rare) - my ex would take it in the good humour it was intended and then shout "I win" when he did come! We did have a tendency to behave like idiots in the sack though!

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 23:35

Oh...I just realised that sometimes we have to be "respnsible" for contraception...but that's where the responsibilty should end in a loving couple...that smacks of "duty" which is a bit Hmm with regards to sex.

Original poster
welshandproud · 04/02/2011 23:36

do you never lie to your DPs to spare their feelings?

OP posts:
WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 23:38

Er...no. I don't. That would lead to misunderstandings wouldn't it?

reelingintheyears · 04/02/2011 23:45

I should think most women have 'lied' to 'spare' their partners feelings.

I would think that most men have not..

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 23:50

God I must be very manly then!

Maud2011 · 05/02/2011 00:26

I sometimes did it with a guy who used to take it terribly to heart if I didn't come. Feeling under pressure like that was quite a turnoff. Sometimes after I'd faked, it would actually happen for real because I felt able to relax, so of course he thought I'd had TWO Grin.

Bluegrass · 05/02/2011 00:32

If you you have real confidence in one another you can enjoy the journey rather than the destination and no one has to feel bad.

BitOfFun · 05/02/2011 00:33

It's not a great idea. If you ever decide to be honest, it will seem to him that you have gone from 100% orgasmic to Having Problems. And surely anybody who has a 4-5 times a week sex life should have some level of realism when it comes to their relationship?

spongebobsquareknickers · 05/02/2011 00:37

Exactomondo Grin

I often find too that after I tell him its not gonna happen, along sneaks a sneaky orgasm!

Dropdeadfred · 05/02/2011 00:38

I wouldn't fake it...just reassure him that it is still really nice even if you don't have an orgasm...and explain that it is not down to anything lacking in his technique

FabbyChic · 05/02/2011 00:50

If I had to fake it then something would be wrong. If I had to do something to get it over quickly something would be equally as wrong.

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