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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel trapped

13 replies

windynight · 04/02/2011 17:08

I work part time and get a good wage for the few days I do. Ive worked for 20 years or so and really hate it. Its the working for other people I hate and lately Im having a bad time with people in work.
My husband has his own business, which is hard work but he has always been "buffetted" by my work/pay. mine has always been the secure income. He has always had the freedom to play about and experiment and even be as busy or as quiet as he likes.
All my life Ive wanted to go freelance in my profession and finally have had enough of the whole working for others crap. Im ready and I really want this. We had some money saved but now we are about to make a purchase that will wipe it out and remove my possibilities for going it on my own. He also wants to invest in another business which will increase the value of his.

I feel trapped and jealous and a bit resentful. Its selfish I know.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/02/2011 17:11

If you only work a few days a week, is it possible for you to carry on the p/t work and start the freelance stuff off gradually?

Then if it brings in more than your p/t you can give that one up?

Chil1234 · 04/02/2011 17:11

YANBU... you've pulled your weight for 20 years, supported his ambitions etc. Why is it so wrong to want your needs to take priority for a change? Increasing the value of his business (increasing your household income?) should mean you're more able to go it alone, not still tied to the job you hate. If you're not happy with the arrangement you're entitled to say so. Not selfish at all.

kayah · 04/02/2011 17:12

Have you actualy told him that you want to go freelancing?

Original poster
windynight · 04/02/2011 17:13

My part time is a strange arrangement,I do a lot of work after contracted hours. There may be some initial outlay and extra fees involved with setting up.

chil The household income will not be increased as such, its to increase value for when we sell up eventually

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 04/02/2011 17:14

BTW, I don't think you're BU to feel trapped, but if you've enabled him to work like he does, it's not your DHs fault.

But if it's causing you stress now, it's time to change it.

How did your DH react when you told him what it means to you and that you feel trapped?

Original poster
windynight · 04/02/2011 17:14

kayah I have, yes. Its "difficult" for us apparently.

OP posts:
Original poster
windynight · 04/02/2011 17:14

My wage pays the mortgage and household bills

OP posts:
atthecarwash · 04/02/2011 17:15

You are not being selfish. You need to talk to him and explain what you'd like to do. If he's not prepared to listen then he's the one being selfish but he might just think that you're happy with the situation at the moment.

kayah · 04/02/2011 17:18

windynight - it would be harder if you lose will to live and go off sick
(it happens)

Original poster
windynight · 04/02/2011 17:18

kayah I have been close to that

OP posts:
kayah · 04/02/2011 17:21

I know - that is what happens when you work in a place you hate, with no prospects for development and your money are used as a tool...

I think it's time you stood up for yourself
Are you strong enough?

northwestnutrition · 04/02/2011 17:21

OMG this sounds exactly like Ive been. My husband has is own business and I work but am building up on my own, slowly. Im doing mine in my free hours. Would that work for you?

kayah · 04/02/2011 17:24

I think business owners loose sight of reality.
You have to have financial buffer anyway, using it up to buy anything is very, very risky.

haven't he heard of others going down due to cash flow problems?

what does your accountant say?

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