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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think employer should respect that you need to leave work to pick up DCs?

20 replies

AuntieBacterial · 04/02/2011 16:28

My boss arranged a conference call that he wanted me to lead for 5pm last week. I had 24h notice.

I need to collect my DS from nursery before it closes at 6pm so need to leave work soon after 5:30. I am contracted to finish at 5pm. The call was important so I tried every option to see if anyone could pick up my DS for me, nobody could at short notice.

So I told my employer that if the call went much past 5:30 I would need to leave (and explained why). My boss went ballistic and came out with all the old "we are bending over backwards to be flexible with you" lines. Which is totally untrue. I was really shocked.

I am pretty flexible about work commitments and am regularly on conference calls at all times of the evening/night so it's unfair to suggest I am being inflexible.

Am I being unreasonable to expect an employer to respect that I would need to leave a call arranged at short notice outside of working hours early to pick up my son? There really was no other option.

OP posts:

HecateQueenOfWitches · 04/02/2011 16:30

Is your boss the owner of the company or is there someone you could go to higher up to work with you on this?

vintageteacups · 04/02/2011 16:34

I think they wouldn't stand a chance officially if your contract is only to 5pm. By staying until after 5:30, you are going way over your leaving time anyway so for your boss (I bet it's a woman from what you said they said), to go ape, is totally unreasonable.

Surely if you are leading the call, there are others who could take over from you after you leave?

your boss is BVU.

YesNameChange · 04/02/2011 16:34

I always think being 'nice' is one of the problems women have. You tried to find a solution instead of simply saying 'it's too short notice, sorry'.

I hope you calmly pointed out to him the last few times you took conference calls in the evening. And that just because this one wasn't convenient at short notice doesn't mean that others aren't or haven't been.

Wanker.

MillyR · 04/02/2011 16:35

What does your contract say? I had the same problem once, where my core hours were 10-4, and I worked a 35 hour week that had to include those hours. Team meetings were always scheduled at 9 am, and as I did the morning drop off and DH did the evening pick up of the kids, I couldn't go to the meetings. I got a huge amount of grief over it even though they could easily have changed the time and I was working in line with my contract.

I would check your contract, so to see if you have at least got that in your defence. How, exactly, does your boss believe they are 'bending over backwards?'

minipie · 04/02/2011 16:37

I don't think an employer has to know or care about your childcare arrangements, specifically.

However, I think it's pretty unreasonable of any boss to arrange a call for you to lead on without asking you whether you are able to do that time.

Never mind children - you could have had other work commitments that evening which meant you couldn't have done the call. I imagine he'd expect you to check his commitments before arranging a call.

Did he check your diary and saw it looked clear at that time? If so then I would suggest you put your son's pick up time in your diary as a daily "meeting".

kittybuttoon · 04/02/2011 16:41

YANBU

You did your utmost, at short notice, but your childcare responsibilities have had to take precedence this time.

But you need to have a conversation with your boss and ask him/her to clarify exactly what prompted their outburst, and offer to work with him/her to correct any deficiencies.

Highlight your latest performance review(s) and ask why no difficulties were mentioned to you then.

There probably aren't any deficiencies at all, and the boss will be suitably shamed and apologetic.

Calm and assertive, that's the ticket.

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 04/02/2011 16:44

YANBU

Mishy1234 · 04/02/2011 16:47

What did he expect you to do. Leave the children at nursery past closing time?

What a twat.

nickelthenaughtybutnicefairy · 04/02/2011 16:49

yes, if you had wanted to leave early, then fair enough to get mad, but if it was beyond your contracted hours, at 24hours notice, then your boss is the one being unreasonable, not you.
they should give you adequate time to get cover.

windynight · 04/02/2011 16:49

I was in a masters module last week and informed the module leader I needed to leave by 5 pm to get to the nursery in time to get my child. I was amaxed not one other person had to go as there were about 50 in the class. He went on about it for ages and pointed me out all day to the class, mentioning I had to go at 5. So embarrassing.

mysteryfairy · 04/02/2011 16:54

When I've got a call in a similarly awkward slot I do the school run or whatever a bit early, get home and do the call from there. Could you use that strategy in future?

Of course I'm not contractually obliged to but I would just be undermining myself if I refused to do my job as I am at a level where flexibility is expected.

Recent highlights have included chairing a call from my car parked outside DS2's school just before I went into GCSEs options evening in which I was speaking over 700 children leaving for the day, ice cream vans, school buses etc. I'd rather be noticed for that than for failing to do my job though.

somanymiles · 04/02/2011 16:54

YANBU but sadly many employers are unreasonable about this sort of thing. If it escalates I wonder if framing it as an equal opportunities issue would help? Or possibly just add fuel to the fire!

I have been fortunate for the past 2 years to work somewhere that totally respected childcare responsibilities and it has made such a difference to my quality of life. Maybe it's time to look for a new job?

xstitch · 04/02/2011 16:55

You poor thing. IME for some bosses it is impossible to do enough. I had a boss who gave me 15min notice to be for a meeting on my day off. I ended up having to take dd with me because for obvious reasons I didn't have previous child care arranged (it was also a couple of weeks after XH had left me) It did not go down well at all. I used to go in at 8am when the building opened (my contract stated starting at 9), worked through lunch despite an hour written into my work contract and I stayed on until 7pm when the building closed on the nights XH had dd (was contracted to work until 6). Boss told me I never showed any commitment :(.

BeenBeta · 04/02/2011 16:56

Sorry but arranging a conference call without talking to you first and for 30 mins after your contracted leaving time is not on and especially when he knows you have a child to pick up. He is not being flexible at all.

Is your boss paying you the extra hours or time off in lieu?

Firms are doing this more and more - dragging extra unpaid hours out of employees.

coatgate · 04/02/2011 17:02

What mystery said - could you do the call from home?

YANBU by the way - arranging a call, for you to lead without consulting you is just rude.

Want2bSupermum · 04/02/2011 17:05

Your boss is totally in the wrong for not asking you first if this time worked for you. You have informed them that you have a commitment to collect your child by 6pm which they have agreed to meet.

I often have problems attending meetings and dial in if I can't attend in person. There are quite a few with babies in my office and the parents often go home early and take calls from home after picking the child up from daycare. You often hear the baby in the background and this isn't a problem if it's an internal meeting. Conference calls with clients are sometimes held after bedtime to accomodate. Often our clients are in the same situation and we impress them with our availability.

I would not mention your contracted hours as it will only add fuel to the fire. If this happens again I think you should suggest you leave the office (never say work because you will be working from home while taking the meeting) at 4.30 to collect your son and then dial in from home at 5.30pm.

hairyfairylights · 04/02/2011 17:16

YANBU. He was expecting you to stay later than normal, you'd explained in advance that you'd have to leave at half five. He's an arsehole.

Original poster

AuntieBacterial · 04/02/2011 18:05

Thanks everyone. I thought I was going mad there for a minute.

To answer the questions,

I really don't know why my boss thinks he is bending over backwards. It's a mystery to me.

My boss is a man (American)

There were going to be 50+ people on the call and dialing in after picking my son up and having a 15 month old distracting me and making lots of noise really wasn't an option. It would have been a nightmare.

I just felt so distraught by his reaction.

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 04/02/2011 18:20

Yanbu

the man is a prick and completely unreasonable

I would be inclined to go to hr

Want2bSupermum · 04/02/2011 18:47

It took me a year to understand the working style here in the US. Basically he is expecting you to fit your life around your work.

There are huge cultural differences between workplaces here and in the UK. Here in the US if a meeting doesn't work for someone they reply saying, 'I have a conflict, would xx time work for everyone instead.' Most of the time no one asks what that conflict is. If they do just tell them you have another committment you can't rearrange.

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