To Appear Not to Know My Own Mind

[TheFantasticFixit]

I'm 30 and I think I am in the midst of some kind of existential crisis. I am engaged, to a lovely man and we had originally planned to get married this year. Due to loads of different reasons we have postponed the date informally to next year (ie. haven't booked anything up yet for new date). I am in a right quandry at the moment as the more I think about the wedding, and getting married (which I definitely want to do, no questions there) but I so badly want to have a baby. I am terrified that I can't have children; we have been trying for 5 months and nothing (even worse, I have had 4 friends announce pregnancies in that time and they had been trying less time than us). Our parents desperately want us to marry first, but I don't think I do - I want to have a child and start our family, if we can.

I feel pushed and pulled in so many directions - between the opinions of our families, to my emotional pull of trying for a baby. If we marry first, then TTC will need to wait until the end of 2012, and if we TTC first then we will postpone the wedding until summer 2013.

I don't know what to do - I can't sleep for worrying about what needs to come first. And worrying that if I put off having children then it may never happen for us. Has anyone else been through this, AIBU, and finally wwyd?!

SmethwickBelle - thank you - that made me laugh so much! That is EXACTLY how I feel - all on me lonesome with these big bountiful bellies taunting me at every turn and their stories of how 'they couldn't believe how easily they got pregnant. Grrr!

mean meal
in on
thoughs thoughts

I don't normally read my posts afterwards - thank god really if I make that many mistakes per post - and that was only on a quick glimpse there are probably loads more

well I know a lovely lady who is very PG at the moment, who tried for 2 years without success and then fell PG 2 weeks after the wedding!

Don't give up!

It's not that we can't afford the wedding, more that I feel absolutely overwhelmed by it all. Chipping you are right, I want a smaller do I think but we have paid the deposit to a venue now which is slightly larger than I want (primarily because it could accomodate all the family etc that our families wanted invited). It is lovely though, it is really - but in my heart of hearts I know that if we had waited and let the engagement sink in I would have wanted to try for a baby first and then have a smaller, intimate wedding. It won't be that now though - but I am going to make it smaller and reduce it all significantly.

Thanks Finding - it's good to hear these stories to put things into perspective!

Your words are all so kind, thank you

Me & DH found out we were expecting and we managed to arrange the wedding in 6 weeks!
I was 10 weeks when we got married and although we were very happy about pregnancy and not trying to hide it - no-one would have known.

The wedding was done on a budget and I can honestly say the whole thing was beautiful.
My mum was on holiday when we decided to do it and by the time she got back it had all been arranged - She did veto my dress choice but otherwise was totally delighted not to be involved.

I was 30 - my DH nearly 40 and he had been married before so didn't want all the fuss - I was just happy to be marrying him.

I have been to such lavish weddings over the years but nothing compares to our pig roast, marquee in the garden happy day!

You really should just do what makes you happy as a couple - it is YOUR day - not everyone else's. Be strong and do what you like.

And good luck with the TTC - I agree with other posters who have said you are probably stressed. You have loads of time. My DS2 was born when I was 38!

Hello all

Just thought I would update to say that I took the plunge and spoke to our families and we have postponed the wedding for another 2 years so that we can TTC. My Mum was lovely and reassuring; my Dad is a little bit disappointed but said he wants me to be happy and will deal with the in laws at the end of the week when they come to stay.

Thanks so much for all your advice though - honestly I don't think I would have sorted it out if you hadn't all been so sensible.