to be pissed off with my mum?

[DifficultDaughter]

I have been depressed for as long as I know, really. Most of the time I just 'get on with it' and ride out the storm.

I'm in the midst of a visit from the old black dog at the moment, and it is affecting my coping skills. My house is very messy and I am extremely unorganised. I'm also feeling exhausted and unmotivated. I'm off sick from my full-time job, as I just can't cope right now. I am not usually off sick because of my depression.

My mum is ringing me up to 5 times a day, getting annoyed if I don't instantly answer/call her back. She criticises my lack if motivation and says she cant see me being able to live efficiently. This is my mum, who is also a mental health professional! Am I Being Unreasonable to want to scream bad words at her?

Nope, you sure aren't. And I probably would. And have when I was where you are right now.

Are you on meds? You must have seen a doctor if you are signed off work. Take the meds. Don't be a martyr.

Thanks, yes I am taking my meds and seeing CPN and psych. I think she is finding it hard to accept my condition. But that is another story.

Oh good! Not good you're ill, good you're doing something about it!

I do think you may want to say something to her about not ringing so much or trying to be more supportive. Can you just not answer the phone?

If I don't answer the phone she accuses me of lying in bed! I am 30.

So you say 'so what if I was? I'm ill. Bye now' click.

Really, I've had to do this with my mum. She did, finally, give up!

I think it may be an age thing. My parents also expect me to answer the phone instantly with no consideration of the possibility that I may be cooking/eating dinner, reading to ds or helping him with his homework, or just not want to speak to them answer it!

They seem of the opinion that if the phone rings you answer it no matter what.

The only way I've found to deal with the critical attitude is to avoid it. My parents seem to think it will help motivate me or that it's their given right to make me feel like shit. It doesn't help and doesn't work. It simply upsets me more and leaves me in dispair at their complete lack of understanding or offers of help (other than 'I'll bring the trailer round and you can take everything to the dump' regardless of what it is).

Would you be able to get out of the house for a walk? I know that going out for a walk will help me, but I can't even motivate myself to do that any more. It's my aim for this month to try and make an effort to do so at the weekend.

Or write a list of things that need to be done (short things like load the washing machine) and see if you can tick one off a day. Will help you see that you are achiving things and to ignore her.

I think perhaps it's time to tell your mum that if she can't say anything positive or helpful rather than critical and upsetting then you're not going to want to speak to her and not to bother phoning you. If you tell her she's making you feel worse and is it any wonder you don't want to talk to her do you think she may listen/change?

Oh gosh, I empathise. When I was twenty I had a mental breakdown and Mum took me out of university to live with her, so she could care for me.

'Hmm, HelenaRose seems to have trouble getting up in the morning... I know, I'll rip the duvet off her at 8am!'

She really, really thought she was helping and couldn't see how totally useless it all was.

Perhaps disconnect/turn off the phone? I know it's a bit passive-aggressive, but then you don't have to listen and can get on with things at your own pace.