My son was hit on the head by the swimming instructor

[ali1982]

My son came home from school upset because when he went swimming with the school the swimming instructor whacked him on the head with 2 floaters.My son told me that he was stood by the pool and that the woman was telling the class off and then she whacked him and another child on the head.I have made a complaint to the leisure center about this person and also to the school.But the school seems to be not taking it seriously.I have said that if my son was naughty i dont have a problem with him being told off but the woman should not have hit him on the head.My son is only 8 years old.What should the school do in this situation ?

So what lesson does it teach your child when they come in and say: "Mum, something happened today that really upset me" and their mother rolls her eyes and says "here goes the wuss again".

There are lots of different ways to approach things in life. I'm not really sure how a parent having a discussion with an 8 year old to give them a bit of perspective on social situations would lead to the situation you describe. I think it's probably quite important to chat to your kids about things that they don't "get". If you have time.

Working i think you mist the point.

If my child came in and said "dad something happended" i would stop what i was doing and listen. If it turned out he was just being a little too soft. a winey arse then I will tell him to grow up.

you cannot molly coddle a child through life. there has to be a point where you say. look there is nothing to winge about now grow up.

Of course there has to be that point, MrSpoc. I'm well able to tell a kid to stop moaning and get on with things, but my personal preference in a new situation that was unusual and that upset a kid would be to work out why, see if there was something that needed a bit of clarification. If we'd been over it again and again or it was just generic whinging about life being unfair etc, then no.. but something like this, I would want to know the context of it, to be honest. I wouldn't automatically assume that the adult was right and my child was wrong. However, I do know an old friend whose sister was sexually abused in an out-of-school club so perhaps this colours my thinking.

working, i think we are all saying the same thing.

we will listen and evaluate the situation and if the kid is just winging for no good reason or is being soft - "tap with a float to get their attention etc" then we will tell them to grow up

If it is serious then there will be trouble

Sorry for generalising and glad to see some voices of reason. (Even reporting it to the leisure centre seems OTT to me)

I agree that we are all more or less agreeing - although like working, I'd do more asking than telling first of all, if my DC mentioned something like this to me, IYSWIM.

I'd add to your summary, maryz, the fact that the OP did complain to the school, who didn't take it seriously, thus leading many of us to assume the OP was being a tad over-the-top

If DS1 came home with this story, my first response would be 'what were YOU doing?' Because I would be utterly utterly gobsmacked if he wasn't being an annoying snot to earn a whack with a float.

Sometimes shut happens to him that matters, that stuff is taken seriously and we either deal with it for him or (preferably) help him deal with it himself. Mostly though the 'injustices' he faces are no such thing and he needs to learn to get over stuff.

The big bad world doesn't care about our kids it never has, never will and cannot be made to. I would be doing DS a disservice if I didn't teach him to deal with life how it is rather than how I want it to be for him.

Like LeQueen says, where does it stop? Why do people cripple their children in this way? How are they going to cope when something actually bad happens and you are not there to hold their hand any more?

Ignoring a child's concern over something that happened to them, however trivial it may seem on the surface, does not 'equip them for life', it only teaches them not to bother confiding in future. Taking notice of those concerns and showing that you take them seriously enough to find out more is not 'wrapping your child in cotton wool'.

You teach them to sweat the small stuff and they will never be able to deal with the big stuff.

The point is that to op and her ds it wasn't small stuff - they both recognised that this instructor had overstepped an important boundary and that ignoring it would be seen to condone it. OP is teacher her ds an important lesson in life that he has a basic right to be treated with respect, that's my idea of a good parent.

But that pre-supposes that donking a child on the head with a float is either over stepping an important boundary or showing disrespect. It may be neither. It often would be neither.

Telling a child that what may be a friendly, slap stick way of getting attention is absoloutely disrespectful and over a boundary is not my idea of a good parent either....

Btw working..
Excuse my over reaction to your earlier post

Would really like it if OP could come back and settle whether it was a HIT or hit. Not to get "told you you were being OTT" reaction, just to let us know at this point as this discussion has gone really far with a lot of speculation.

Actually, I would think "told you so", but prob wouldn't say it out of niceness as I am sure OP has realized it by now

If you read her post, the op did not tell her child that the instructor's behaviour was wrong, her ds told her about it because he was upset by it presumably because he knew it was not appropriate for the teacher to behave in this way in a teaching situation.

It's not a question of 'pre-supposing' anything, it is clear from the post that the incident had troubled them both and they saw it as over-stepping the mark.

It was never a question of HIT, hit, donk, bonk, or anything else - the op never suggested that the instructor had hurt her ds with the float, just that it was wrong to use that method to get his attention or reinforce her point or whatever the heck she though she was doing.

Presumeably because he knew it was not appropriate for the teacher to behave in this way in a teaching situation.

That, in the context of an 8 year old, is one of the funniest things I have ever read on mn . And I have read some doozies.

8 year old children are fabulous and smart and interesting and lovely. They are also capable of getting upset when they have done something wrong, lying when they may be in trouble and getting upset through completely misreading a situation.

Suggesting that he was upset because the teacher had crossed boundaries, assuming that the teacher must have been inappropriate and aggressive, shows a strange inclination to view teachers and coaches as intrinsically foul.

I have never net a teacher involved in my childrens schooling/coaching who I believe would lash out at them. I have met plenty of slightly emotional 8 year olds and have caught a quite a few who have recreated events to show themselves in a slightly more favourable light - often as being on the wrong end of another Childs meanness. It is just what they do because they are little kids.

I was abused. I don't trust adults no matter what. But neither do I wish to layer ridiculous assumptions of malice and inappropriate behaviour on etchers without some sensible evidence

I would also point out that I very much doubt the teacher would have been alone with the children.
There would have been helpers from the school and other swimming teachers who would have witnessed what happened.

Is it really possible that there are people who feel that if some children are not attending and a coach taps them on the head with float, without hurting them, to get their attention - that that action is disrespectful, crosses a boundary and the teacher/coach should be admonished.

Because if that is the case I will understand a) why this thread has mystified me and b) why teachers and coaches are pretty fed up with their dealings with parents.

goldenbirdie - it is your view that getting someones attention in this way is overstepping boundaris/showing disrespect. This is just one opinion - not every sane person necessary feels this way or would want to.

'I don't trust adults no matter what'. Amazing to think someone can come out with such a statement while falsly accusing me of having having an 'intrinsically foul' view of the teaching profession.

The 'sensible evidence' is present in the OP. The teacher hit the child on the head with a float. The child was upset enough by that to tell his mother afer school. I have never suggested on here that there should be some punishment or witch-hunt or any of that, just that the instructor should get some feedback about their way of dealing with childen - surely any teacher needs that. As far as I can see on this thread those who supported the OP have been reasonable and rational and those against pretty unpleasant in a way that totally undermines their arguments.

So people who agree with you are reasonable and rational and those who don't are well...not. Okay then.

This thread is unbelievable. Cannot believe people are suggesting the police and the op made a complaint to the school. He wouldnt have even felt it. Such a shame that parents complain about this.