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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Really irritated by CM and babysitters

22 replies

FunnysInTheGarden · 02/02/2011 22:28

I am fed up of having to beg to get folk to care for my children. I pay well, but CM seems to want a day or so off a week and so there is always some family illness to contend with or veiled threat that DS has a cold and so 'she may not be able to care for him tomorrow'. DH collects at 3.30 most days so no late evenings.

As for babysitters, ignored texts etc and when one is arranged its with bated breath that I wait for them to arrive, lest they cancel. Again we are home by 10pm due to fatigue, so no late nights there.

The DS's are 1 and 5 and really are lovely boys. Jesus, I am just so fucked off with having to almost beg to be able to work/ have one night out every month or so.

So AIBU, or is this the norm and I just have to get used to it?

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 02/02/2011 22:30

Get a different cm.

She sounds shit.

yanbu

CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 22:31

Have you considered that the issue is not with the minders but with you or your children?

Shakirasma · 02/02/2011 22:31

YANBU
Geta new CM

ohnoshedittant · 02/02/2011 22:32

No YANBU. You need to get more reliable childcare. Do you check references?

MoonUnitAlpha · 02/02/2011 22:36

If your CM is unreliable why don't you take your custom elsewhere?

Maybe use a babysitting agency like Sitters too?

Original poster

FunnysInTheGarden · 02/02/2011 22:36

Yes Cock but have realised its not. Had fab reliable CM and babysitter with DS1.

Yes do check refs, but the CM is newly registered and so I don't think she really understands how essential she is to us as a household.

Just pissed off really, and tired. No family within 600 miles and so really rely on outside help

OP posts:

hocuspontas · 02/02/2011 22:36

I do babysitting. Very reliable. Are you in E.Herts?

Original poster

FunnysInTheGarden · 02/02/2011 22:38

Have seriously been thinking of moving DS2, but really don't want the disruption for him. Keep giving her second chances, but she is on borrowed time at the mo TBH.

Did try a baby sitting agency, but they always seem to be fully booked..........

OP posts:

Original poster

FunnysInTheGarden · 02/02/2011 22:38

hocus if only, no am in CI.

OP posts:

BringOnTheGoat · 02/02/2011 23:00

Arf at 'Yes Cock' - sprayed tea out my nose

mamatomany · 02/02/2011 23:06

Kids do not care about disruption, it's taken me 10 years to realise you do not have to put up with any crap from nurseries/cm/babysitters "because the children love them/will be unsettled" the kids don't give a shit tbh.

sunnydelight · 03/02/2011 03:49

I agree with mama. Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for and it will be much better for him in the long run than having a mother who has a nervous breakdown over childcare!

SofiaAmes · 03/02/2011 04:59

Never had such problems with either cm or babysitters in either uk or usa. I think you have a bad set of both. I would suggest getting new ones. As others have said your children will adjust just fine, especially if they get a calm happy mother out of the exchange.

justcarrots29 · 03/02/2011 06:15

Do you have a contract with the childminder that states the hours that she has agreed to work for you? It sounds like she is unreliable if she is always taking time off.
Have you spoken to her yet? If not remind her how much you rely on her for the service and if she cannot guarantee the contracted hours (unless serious problem) then you will be giving notice. She needs a little motivation tbh!!

gorionine · 03/02/2011 06:21

Have seriously been thinking of moving DS2, but really don't want the disruption for him. Keep giving her second chances, but she is on borrowed time at the mo TBH.

Have no experience with CM myself other than having a lot of friends who CM but am thinking that if she cancels last minutes and is not reliable, your child is disrupted anyway. You might as well find a new CM now were he will be more settled.

chitchatingagain · 03/02/2011 10:12

My DC had a nanny 4 days a week for a whole year. They then moved to a CM 2 days a week - they settled in instantly, and hardly ever mention the nanny.

The constants for DC are their parents. Everyone else is temporary, just find another CM and be done with it!!!

pippylongstockings · 03/02/2011 10:26

I would have to second or third the get another cm call.

We have just moved our 2DS to a before school and after school club, as our lovely cm gave notice. I was wailing, hand-wringing, blubbling etc that they would be so upset and wouldn't cope as they have been with her for 3 years, plus it meant my just 4 year old had to now do full days at his pre-school.

They started this week and they LOVE it! They keep on asking when are they going again - long may it last but sometimes a change is good.

My cm was lovely but I must say the re-assurance that her personal illness/family upsets etc will now not impact on my childcare arrangements is a good feeling for me and my employer.

Children really are much more adaptable than we give them credit for.

Original poster

FunnysInTheGarden · 03/02/2011 13:43

Thanks all for your replies. I'm going to give my CM one more chance on the basis that she may just be inexperienced. The next time something like this happes, I will have to speak to her and explain that things are not really working out in the way I had hoped.

As for babysitters, I'm on the case and will keep trying to find a reliable one..........

You are right about children being more flexible than we think. I guess I am feeling working mother guilt here

OP posts:

FindingStuffToChuckOut · 03/02/2011 13:49

I'd speak to her now - all the CM's I know are very aware of what an important role they play in a family's life, and act accordingly. Sounds like she might be strolling down the wrong career path ......

MrsRichardHammond · 03/02/2011 13:51

New cm is needed.

I gave a cm three strikes - when i should have got shot after the first. Listen to your gut and get a new CM. There are some wonderful ones out there.

MadamDeathstare · 03/02/2011 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PigValentine · 03/02/2011 13:59

A day a week is a shocking amount of unexpected time off for a CM to take. I'v used CM's for 4 years, and only 1 has had any sick time - and she was rushed to hospital!

Most CM's will still have your DC if they have the sniffles, it is sickness & diarreah they are very strict on.

Honestly, change CM. Tell her why, too. She is going to be very unsuccessful if she carries on like she is.

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