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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

married / attached men and Facebook

24 replies

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 20:36

Advice please ladieeez...

I separated from ex-h last year, all mutal and generally fine. Have not wanted or had so much as a snog since and not overly bothered or looking.

The last two parties I have been too (work ones) have ended with me chatting to lots of people, having a lovely time, not getting too drunk etc.

But on these two occassions have hit it off with two seperate men - only to discover through conversation they are attached etc. Which is totally fine.

Next day or later same night when I get home, they have both tracked me on fb and are chatting away?!

I thought only women did the FB stalker thing! Plus what on earth would their partners think if they knew?!

Now given my circumstances, I am single and it is such a boost to have a little bit of intention, but on the other hand - its really off that these chaps are sendng me messages all ending like this..... or like this x

am I out of touch or is this common?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 02/02/2011 20:39

I'd say it is common, I wouldn't like it if I was there other half's though.

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 20:41

Well exactly, when I was married I would be furious/gutted/hurt if my H did this!

But its also annoying that the two nice chaps I met who I had TONNES in common with are bloody taken!

OP posts:

difficultcow · 02/02/2011 20:46

It is very common and imo facebook can be a relationship killer i'd delete these two contacts, it's not as if they are real friends!!

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 20:49

well, I did actually - one didnt ask to be a friend just messaged...

When I was last dating, you got a number if you were really keen.

Now blokes just FB you willy nilly!

OP posts:

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:06

jesus - these two blokes are actually facebook friends....

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 02/02/2011 21:11

Sorry but I did snigger when I read your last that they are FB friends! Perhaps they are lining you up for a swinging sesh?!

To quote the cybermen "DELETE DELETE" :o

And in answer to your OP I would not be happy if OH did this. I think it is the difference between getting to know someone properly say through friends or work, and then them adding you and a bit of a chat at a party. That feels creepy.

difficultcow · 02/02/2011 21:13

boob, that's the way it is now, my mother frowns when i'm on facebook...some refer to it as facefuck, and they're about right!!

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 02/02/2011 21:13

Eeew no WHY would you want to chat to such sleazeballs?!?!?!

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:17

because when I met them they were perfectly charming, intelligent, witty, non predetory men.... but then when they get home on their iphones?!

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:25

Not sure that putting x on the end of FB messages is necessarily a bad thing - I do that with female friends quite a lot. My wife does the same with her male FB friends. Neither of us mind.

On the other hand, if you've only just met, it may be that they are after something. They did tell you quite openly that they were attached, though?

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:30

yes they did...

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:32

Hmm, interesting. They're not hiding anything, then. What does their FB relatiohship status say, if you can see it?

Does you gut feeling tell you they want more?

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:38

yes. Particularly the chap last night - he sent me a message around midnight, and also continued sending the odd message all day.

Do you think men just want a little cyber thrill and then carry on with life as normal?

OP posts:

HeartOfStone · 02/02/2011 21:39

There's difference between chatting and flirting.

Which are they doing?

Maybe they want to be friends.

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:40

Ah, stay well clear then. Bit odd he'd tell you he's attached and still want something!

Never seen the point of cyber thrills myself, but I suppose some blokes might. So easy these days.

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:40

oh god - then its gets all when harry met sally

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:42

Hehe; only if you wanted it to.

Just ignore them otherwise, or play it straight and just respond as a friend would.

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:42

maybe I am reading too much into it all - being a sad lonely old woman?

But....

Messages like - nice profile pic.....
or I didnt want to leave the party last night.....
etc. (with all the open ended .... dots)?

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:44

Sounds a bit flirty to me! Ellipsis are suggestive of something else missed out.

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:45

exactly! Thats how I read it, coupled with the xxxx's

OP posts:

CockularDepravity · 02/02/2011 21:46

Reliable and trustworthy men do not do this if they are in a relationship. You have not met two reliable and trustworthy men.

Original poster

Boobalina · 02/02/2011 21:50

I read your post with full of earnest and then read your username!

No they arent honest....

OP posts:

Mymblesson · 02/02/2011 21:52

Doesn't sound like they are.

And although, as I say, I often end messages to female friends wih xx, they're old established friends, and I wouldn't do it with someone I'd just met in case they got the wrong idea!

AnyFucker · 02/02/2011 22:39

boob...they sound like chancers to me

best swerved

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