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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it a bit rich to judge someone over their washing up when you have a dishwasher?

61 replies

renlovesyou · 02/02/2011 11:10

MIL is coming over later to baby sit while DP, FIL and I look at cars. I do tidy up, as much as I can with a 2 month old son who is so cute I cant tear myself away!

DP said to me before he left, wash up. (Which I always do anyway!) Hes text me since, please wash up, mum will notice.*

*notice = turn her nose up

Shes got a dishwasher?! I resent that hes reminded me twice when I do it anyway and that she'll 'notice' when she doesnt actually do anything but load a machine!

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 02/02/2011 12:17

I was thinking that! If it bothers him that much then he should have got his marigolds on and done it himself before he left!

My main issue here wouldnt be with the MIL, she can go fuck herself, but with the DP demading OP does them and then bloody reminds her! I would have texted back with "Cant be arsed, do them yourself!" but thats just me :o

Asteria · 02/02/2011 12:23

Blimey - with a 2 month old surely they will understand if the house isn't spotless? Just leave it!
Hopefully she will do it when she is babysitting - then you can pretend to be pathetically grateful!

blackeyedsusan · 02/02/2011 12:35

if dp wnts the pots washed... do it himself, he is grown man supposedly.

if mil comments,say well dp knows where the washing up liquid is...

or pretend to misshear and say "oo that would be lovely thankyou for offering to wash up for us."

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 12:36

5dollarshake - LOL

monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 12:44

FabbyChic - Unless you have experienced everyone's baby, lived everyone's life and had everyone's circumstances (which is of course completely impossible) then you SHOULD NOT JUDGE!

PlanetEarth · 02/02/2011 12:48

Fabby - I didn't do any housework for the first few months of DD1. Yes, occasionally she slept, but I was exhausted and had a rest then. I even fell asleep over breakfast one day. In the evenings when DH was home to take over with DD, I'd sometimes try and do a bit of cooking or something, but as soon as I left her she'd howl for me and we'd swap back.

Let's see, what's more important, baby or washing up?

Bumperrlicious · 02/02/2011 12:50

My baby would not sleep unless on me at two months. I am very lucky that we recently bought a dishwasher. It has literally been life changing.

monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 12:51

Don't worry PlanetEarth, Fabby is talking out of her butt!

chipmonkey · 02/02/2011 13:05

Agree with Chipping! How dare he tell you to wash up! He should do it himself and I would be inclined to tell judgy pants MIL to butt out too!

Fabby, that is the sort of thing I might have said before I had children. In fact I do remember my boss, who had a 1 yo looking at me like this when I told him I imagined myself sitting out in the back garden with the baby who was due in the summer. God help me, if I'd only known!

onceamai · 02/02/2011 13:06

How much washing up is there? I put the odd mug, plate, etc., in the bowl and wash up when there's enough to justify a bowl of hot soapy water. But it doesn't hang around long though and I put it away pretty quickly.

TBH our dishwasher "died" in the autumn. It took four weeks to replace and I realised it wasn't much of a time saver at all. Have since used it only when we have company or at the weekends and have save at leat 7-10 pounds a month on tablets and am sure we saving on electricity as well. Had I not ordered a new one straight away I don't think I would have bothered to replace it.

mum295 · 02/02/2011 13:11

OP, is there a danger that if you do the washing up, your MIL will notice something else instead?

That's how it works with my MIL...house is spotless, I am paranoid about it every time she visits due to previous snide comments. She always finds something. Last time it was out-of-date juice in the fridge. I knew it was there and could have kicked myself for not throwing it away before she came over.

I'm just saying that it might be a lose/lose. So give up and spend your time with your baby instead.

I have a sign in my kitchen that says:

"If the shelves are dusty and the pots don't shine, it's because I've got better things to do with my time."

And Fabby, I also had a limpet-baby. DD is 2.5 and still won't let me do anything other than play with her. No housework got done here after her birth until we got a cleaner.

springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 13:15

Please tell me the entire text was not just 'wash up'?! That would def make me just leave it and leave it (hey, that's my usual attitude to dish washing :) )

Btw, when I first moved in with m husband (then bf) his parents were coming over. Load of laundry, includig duvet covers. I asked DH if I should iron them. His response was don't be silly. Cue me getting home after 10 hrs at uni with his mom ironing the duvets saying "i thought i would do it as you didn't". Grr

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 02/02/2011 13:18

Springbok - did you invite her around weekly after that?

suesfault · 02/02/2011 13:28

mum295 - I have the same sign, the friend you who gave it to me had a pang of guilt when she handed it over and sheepishly said "I hope you're not offended".

Luckily I thought it was funny.

springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 13:33

I hadn't though of that!

actually it might have been worth it if it hadn't then been followed by saying that I shouldn't be allowed out with my friends in London at night without my DH accompanying me (seriously she actually made him come out with me)

PS before anyone starts I love my MIL to bits - we just have different views of what a woman's role is :)

springbokdoc · 02/02/2011 13:34

I have a magnet that says 'you can notice the dust, just please don't write in it'

mum295 · 02/02/2011 13:35

suesfault

monkeyflippers · 02/02/2011 13:56

Ok Fabby . . . truth time . . . do you or do you not have children?

compo · 02/02/2011 14:00

if you've time to start a thread about it you've time to wash up

clevercloggs · 02/02/2011 14:04

then you SHOULD NOT JUDGE!

awww spoilsport - thats no fun is it

Truffkin · 02/02/2011 18:11

Ha, I think my MiL would be telling off my DH for not doing it himself, she's fab

There is a legendary story about MiL coming home from hospital after she had my DH (pretty tough time, in hosp for a week and argued with the consultant who let her home as long as she had total bed rest) to find the FiL had left the house covered with used glasses, empty bottles and full ashtrays and dumped DS1 (3 yrs) at his mom's whilst he went to a football match!

I mean, I know it was the 70's but I would have been absolutely hopping!

oldraver · 02/02/2011 18:22

Didnt you text him back 'the dishes will be waiting for you, darling'

mutznutz · 02/02/2011 18:28

I think you both need to grow a pair and tell this woman that if she doesn't like dirty cups in your kitchen, she can fuck right off.

I wouldn't wash up on demand for anyone and least of all because a close family member was about to do a mental inspection.

saffy85 · 02/02/2011 18:31

If it was me I'd ignore DP's orders/pleading whatever and if he's so desperate for the bloody dishes to be done so mummy don't get cross he can do them himself when he gets in can't he?

Or you could both the dishes (no one will die if they aren't done. right. this. second) and if mummy has a whinge then someone can politely inform her of her terrible manners and remind it's none if her damn business.

mutznutz · 02/02/2011 18:32

In fact I'd be tempted to quickly dirty every cup, spoon and plate in the house for the hell of it.

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