to lie to get what I want? (a bit long, sorry)

[afrogirl]

OK, this is a real situation and it's my situation.

A few years ago having just had twins DP and I decided to review and update our life insurance policies.

To cut a long story short, the company wouldn't insure me as I have two fibroids, one is like a pom-pom on a hat and one (about 5cm2) is in my uterine wall.

The insurance company said that because they were tumours whether they were benign or not, they would not insure me until I had them removed.

Despite me being fit and healthy in every other way, no amount of my then doctor communicating with them would convince them that fibroids are not cancerous.
My doctor said that they obviously for some reason didn't want to sell their product to me.

I didn't have them removed at the time as my gynaecologist said he wouldn't do the operation as I might want more children in the future.

DP and I tried to put protection in place should I die, but nothing is as effective as life insurance.

Anyway, scroll forward 7 years and we have now completed our family. Neither DP or I want more children. So we thought, it's time to sort out life insurance.

For reasons due to my ease of getting my twins in and out of the doctor, we changed surgery about 5 years ago.

So, should I go in, be honest and request to be referred to have my fibroids removed and put myself at the mercy of the doctor and what they think of my situation or should I pretend that I've got bit of tummy pain and be sure that I get the operation?

I feel bad about lying but I also feel terrible that if anything happened to me, my family would up the creek without a paddle.

Don't hold back on me you're only changing what I say once I'm sitting in front of the doctor.

I wouldn't lie, because I would worry that I would be given the 'wrong' treatment or something. Like they would give me drugs that I didn't need as well as the op, or something.

If I knew that the lie wasn't dangerous 'technically' though, I wouldn't have a moral problem with it. Does that make any sense?

Also is there any way of having it done privately for not too much dosh?

What Reality said. Some insurance companies might not be so....um....thick.

Don't lie though, in any circumstance.

Reality - sorry for the hijack but what was the procedure like? My DS has one which we were told he'd grow out of but hes 6 and its still there. Doesn't bother him but I wonder if I should ask for it to be removed while hes still so young (does age make any difference)?

Are you in the UK?

If so, go to an independant financial advisor who will be able to get you appropriate life insurance without you having an uneccessary operation.

i have fibroids, in fact i think that something like 40% of the adult female population over 40 have them. I was told that no treatment was necessary and they will probably shrink with the menopause.

some insurance companies wont insure for a whole variety of their own reasons- it could be the medical history of your parents or siblings, but just because you dont fit the profile for one, doesnt mean that you cant get cover.

the first provider my financial advisor did not want me because i had had various tests and high blood pressure during my recent pregnancy- he just found another big company to cover me for about 50p more per month.

you are looking at this from the wrong perspective.

Find a financial adviser, get life cover, if you really want your fibroids removed, ask the doctor

Don't insurance companies ask if you have ever been turned down for insurance though? So getting lots of quotes could actually count against you.

Ignore me - x post with risingstar who sounds like she knows what she is talking about, unlike me!!

Wow... thats tough one... i think most people "gently exaggerate the truth" when talking to the doctor. not sure if i would. but i wouldn't criticise someone else for doing it.:)

Thanks for your replies.

Knownothing and Reality - At the time we didn't check out lots of companies as DP did think it would work against me as you do have to declare if you've been turned down for life insurance.

Risingstar - I'm in the UK. You make a really interesting point and I will discuss it with DP but I'm pretty sure that DP was working with a financial advisor when all this happened. (That's not to say it was a good financial advisor though .)

Knownothing - Both my DT's were born with umbilical hernia's that the medics said would go on their own. (Actually the didn't they said 'they usually go by age 1', then 'they go by age 2' etc) By the time they were 4 and they obviously weren't doing anything of the kind I asked for them to have the operation (as they were both really large and thought they might be teased). The operation was quick and simple and they both had quick recoveries. They've both now got tidy belly buttons!

Thanks Reality. I will continue to leave it then

Thanks afrogirl. Yes we too get told it will go by 'DS'age+1' whenever I ask! DS's is really small - I'm not worried about it just wonder from time to time if I am doing the right thing by him.

Good luck with the insurance.

do not under any circs lie at all on your insurance details

in the event of a pay out they will use whatever they can to get out of coughing up, its not worth the risk

I would definitely try other insurance companies. As risingstar says, about 40% of women have fibroids. I have multiple ones (the largest is 12 cm) and have never been refused life insurance.

Ashamed - I mean lying to the doctor rather thn the insurance company.

Tllyscoutsmum/Risingstar - I think you've given me a couple of good options.
It certainly is rassuring to hear that there are companies willing to insure me.

I think I've got my answer, honesty as always with the doctor, but I think for a moment I'll just downgrade to a conversation about my fibroids rather than requesting an operation. Also, I'll get myself some life insurance by investigating some companies (hopefully it won't count against me as I can explain why).

Thank you MNetters

I was given the same runaround by an insurance company because of a heart murmur. This I had investigated years ago, was told was trivial and has never caused any problems. The insurance company weren't prepared to quote normal terms for me but wouldn't even tell me why. They more or less said that it was nothing to do with them, it was what my GP had said. My GP was baffled - he hadn't told them anything and had to write to ask them why.

I was annoyed that they had effectively been lying to me, and obviously were looking for a way to get extra premiums out of me. My circumstances were such that I decided that I didn't need it anyway, so they lost out on even getting the standard premium.