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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be proud of never having married?

18 replies

Janos · 01/02/2011 19:46

Sort of inspired by the marraige thread.

36, never been married, never been interested, and not sure I ever will (though you never know).

I think it's great that people have happy marraiges and am genuinely pleased for them. It's lovely to have all that.

However, It's not so long ago, historically speaking, that women weren't able to take out a mortgage or have their own bank account (this is just a couple of examples, off the top of my head) and were essentially regarded as the husband's property (rape in marraige laws anyone?)

And I always rememeber my Gran saying she wished she'd had the opportunity to live with my Grandpa (like you young people can do now) - this was when she was in her 80s.

So I suppose what I'm saying is, isn't it also great that we don't have to get married? That women can and do run a household on their own? That men don't have to be the great provider?

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
itsalarf · 01/02/2011 19:49

It is great that people have choices. It is not great if one choice is seen to better or even "cooler" than another. Personally I love being married. Never lived together before so don't know how that feels. But am also glad that people don't feel forced into it. So don't know about "proud", but glad you are happy with the choice!

AgentZigzag · 01/02/2011 19:50

Yeah...dunno..s'pose so

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/02/2011 19:50

i'm getting married as i want to share my life with my oh, it's will be special as me and oh made up our own family name. So can't wait to be married and get to use that surname.

wilkos · 01/02/2011 19:51

as long as you respect the fact that some other people are proud to be married rather than cohabiting, then YANBU Smile

brightlightsandpromise · 01/02/2011 19:51

Ummmm, im not married, im living in sin, as a SAHM lol, i think i know what you mean.

But well, it doesn't necessarily mean that being married is being a kept woman etc. I think it is about being equal, our relationship is pretty much. I personally want to be in a relationship as i would be lonely otherwise and its good to have someone to face life with. But each to their own.

brightlightsandpromise · 01/02/2011 19:53

Auntie? are you going to be Mr and Mrs Picklebottom?

AuntiePickleBottom · 01/02/2011 19:55

lol, i will be changing to auntiebeachbum

usualsuspect · 01/02/2011 19:56

I'm happy with my choice not to marry my partner never felt the need

Normantebbit · 01/02/2011 19:57

I'm nor married, 36, three DC and very happy. Have been with DP 15 years and we talked about it but never got round to it. Although under Scottish law I am his common law wife apparently.

MsHighwater · 01/02/2011 19:58

So long as I can be proud to be married, knowing that there is worth having in a good marriage after you remove all the archaic and unhelpful crap that used to be associated wtih the "institution" of marriage.

BarbieLovesKen · 01/02/2011 20:02

Hmmm.. you dont slightly wish you were getting married by starting this thread? it sounds a small bit strange to me.

On the other hand, if you are indeed very happy with your situation - once you genuinely respect that others are proud/ happy with being married also then no, of course YANBU Smile

usualsuspect · 01/02/2011 20:03

Why do women assume all unmarried women want to be married?

Xenia · 01/02/2011 20:11

And single people too - you can be very hapopy single.

In fact statistics show married men and single women are happiest which perhaps says it all.

Live without a man and ensure your own personal happiness... you heard it here first. Don't thank me.

Original poster
Janos · 01/02/2011 20:18

Not really Barbie, I have just never really wanted to. No anti-marriage agenda here.

My sis is happily married to a lovely bloke , very equal relationship, lots of love and respect there, but it just isn't for me.

It was 'inspired' by the other marraige thread and tbh I was thinking, what would be a good way to grab people's attention? Bit sneaky, I know.

So I'm not really 'proud' as such, just proud of the fact I can manage on my own and pleased that nowadays we (women) don't have to.

MsHighwater - I wholeheartedly agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janos · 01/02/2011 20:21

I heard that too Xenia, about single women and married men are the happiest.

I think there's a lot of truth in that.

OP posts:
Xenia · 01/02/2011 21:08

yes but of course people tend not to want to admit they aren't happy (although see countless mumsnet threads about awful husbands mind you.. it's not the bed of roses some like to paint)

scottishmummy · 01/02/2011 21:14

im unmarried its my private individual choice. certainly not proud of it,as marriage isnt noteworthy,nor is being unmarried

pride should not be derived form marital status.its not important

Mumcentreplus · 01/02/2011 21:15

Nothing is a complete bed of roses love apart from good uninterrupted cunni Grin

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