to want her to take the video off their news feed??

[Butternutsquash22]

went on to check facebook, and a video with my Grandad who died as the opening pic comes up as one of the first items.

a bit of background, six years ago, there was an accident where 5 members of my family (Grandad, aunt, her husband and two children) died, and it has been six years since then. this video was an 'in memory' thing but as far as I could see (couldnt watch it all) it was just pictures of them, their house, where they died (!) etc over some tacky music.

my friend had 'shared' this video, and other friends were commenting saying that it was a nice thing etc, but for me to see something like that without expecting it, it comes as a shock and Im actually shaking as im typing. I messaged her asking her to take it down and she has now, but was I being unreasonable to ask her? I feel kinda bad because it was a thing that affected the whole community, but surely she should consider that it affected me a hell of a lot more, and that I was going to see it?? even is she had messaged me before warning/asking it would have been better. Am I being to sensitive??

where did this video come from? Your friend compiled it? created it? or another family member?

YANBU. She should have talked to you about it and asked you if it was ok as you're immediate family. Sorry for what happened to your family.

well i am really shocked that she would have put it up at all, tbh. Why did she put it up?

Did she have family involved in the accident? Do you think she thought she was doing it as a memorial thing, is it the time of anniversary of the accident or something?

I just don't understand why she thought it would be a good idea, and no of course you are not being too sensitive op!!!!

i am sorry for your tragic loss x

you could have just hidden it, but its a bit odd that a friend rather than a relative took it upon themselves to do this... and yes, she should have asked someone in the family if it was ok to do it first.

it wasnt her that created it, but it was someone who (I think!) wrote a song about it. and put together the video to showcase the song.
...lovely inspiration

the 6 year anniversary was last month, and I can understand that other people were affected by the incident (small rural community).

No she didn't have any family or connection with the accident apart from being my friend.

I am just wondering how the person who created it got all the photos, if they weren't themselves a family member?

And if it was a family member who created in, in memorium, then that's a bit different.

But yes, perhaps a warning to you, if they could reasonably have been expected to know that you would have been upset to see a memorial type compilation instead of being touched by it.

hecate, they got the videos from the media, there was a lot of media attention, and the family had to release a statement, photos etc because they were becoming more and more intrusive, e.g.phoning the house, coming to the door, trying to get the children to talk to them because no-one else was etc.

videos should say pictures....

oh my.

Then I think you should tell them how you feel.

I don't think you are unreasonable.

I don't think your friend intentionally meant to upset you but I don't think they should have done this without your consent as they are not family or close to them.

6 yrs is nothing.

Hope the shaking is abating. I am sure she will be sad to upset you - but it's your call, only you know how you feel and there's no right or wrong.

YANBU to aleast want some warning or even better an actual say in what was in this video as it features you're deceased family members. Can't imagine the shock you must have got going on to FB to be confronted by what must have been a very unsettling montage.