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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not wanting to leave my baby to cry?

26 replies

TheArmadillo · 01/02/2011 16:09

Dd is 6 months old this week. She still wakes to be fed at least twice during the night. SHe also sometimes wakes for her dummy - her record beign 15 times in one night. Added to my insomnia I am a little sleep deprived.

Everyone keeps telling me to let her cry and it will be over in a couple of nights and she'll be sleeping through. Everyone who knowss that she is still up at night has told me thats what I need to do to get her to sleep.

But I don't want to
a) I did it with ds and althoguh it improved his sleeping he still woke in the night till he was 4
b)she's still feeding a lot so must be hungry imo she's not a huge baby (25 percentile)

We've tried putting her on solids but she ahsn't really taken to them so we're taking a break for a bit. Except rusks which she loves adn has occassionally. SO that hasn't helped. Someone suggested moving her onto hungry baby milk but I have a feeling that is more bulk but less calories and she's not a huge baby.

It doesn't help that all the other babies I know have been sleeping through for months.

AIBU to carry on as we are and to still beleive that she needs a couple of feeds during the night

OP posts:
HettyAmaretti · 01/02/2011 16:12

YANBU (most of the other babies you know have probably not really been sleeping through. Ask their parents what they count as 'sleeping thorough' the answers are often quite funny.)

HettyAmaretti · 01/02/2011 16:13

Case in point - friends DD was 'sleeping through' from 6 weeks (or some such) because she only woke to feed and then when straight back to sleep. 2 hourly. Hmm

BuntyPenfold · 01/02/2011 16:14

Follow your instincts :)
Never mind what other people tell you to do. It may have been right for them but not for you.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 01/02/2011 16:15

My eldest woke every 2 hours all through the night every night for the first 15 months of his life.

We didn't leave him to cry.

Thinking of it now makes me want to run to bed and sleep. But we didn't leave him to cry Grin

You have to do what you feel is right. It doesn't matter what I did, what she did, what him over there did or what people are advising you to do. You have to trust yourself to make the right choice for you and your child. Not the right choice for other people.

Now if you'll excuse me. I'm going to bed...

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 01/02/2011 16:19

YANBU, it's totally up to you.
me? i'm counting the days until i can do cc with the non-sleeping wunderkind that is DD2. but it's not for everyone.

kensworth · 01/02/2011 16:29

Follow your instincts my first 2 dc slept through from about 6 weeks the next two were about 4 1/2 years!!!!! Same routine same parents ect :DIFFERENT children they all get there in the end............then they become teenagers and stay up all night it must be training !

MoaningMedalllist · 01/02/2011 16:30

I feel your pain Armadilo

I get told to 'leave him to cry' all the time and not to 'spoil' him totally against my instinct

MmeLindt · 01/02/2011 16:33

Right. You cannot spoil a 6mth old. You really cannot.

They are too little at that age and they need comforting. Of course you can train them to not cry by leaving them, but it doesn't mean they are contented, but merely quiet.

Ignore them. Do what you think is right.

You may have to fib a bit. "Oh, she is sleeping much better now".

MamaChocolat · 01/02/2011 16:34

Nah - crying baby wants a cuddle - they won;t want one at 16. Cuddle upa nd enjoys their babyhood. Still my DD is 7 and still don;t sleep through. Excpet in my bed. so wo tdo I know. But lovin and snuggling is good. Crying is sad.

togarama · 01/02/2011 16:36

YANBU.

TattyDevine · 01/02/2011 16:38

Hungry milk is not less calories, it is caesin based instead of whey based and just takes a little longer to digest. It is further removed from the proteins found in breastmilk than the whey version is (non-hungry)

Regarding not wanting to leave them to cry - fine, but people will make suggestions when you talk about problems. If you dont talk about them, you wont have to listen to the suggestions.

My babies slept through before 6 months (12 hours, for the sceptics who will assume I mean 4 or whatever!) but they didn't have a dummy and I did "fob off" (not leave to cry but offered water etc and let them fuss for short periods) a little to encourage them to go through. This worked for me, but if I wasn't willing to do it, I may have had to put up with night wakings for a bit longer.

Its a simple transaction really (except for the fact that there are no guarantees). If you want to try it do, if you dont dont, but the less discussion you have with people the less you will have to listen to unwanted advice. Annoying when you just want to sound off though.

cupofcoffee · 01/02/2011 16:44

my 13 month dd still wakes for feeds a couple of times in the night.

ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 16:50

YANBU

But as others have said, if you tell people you are tired, they will offer suggestions and many of those will be 'let her cry it out'.

I have a couple of suggetions - do what you will with them Grin

The first thing I would do is remove the dummy - one less thing to wake for. She is beyond the 'sucky' newborn stage and now it's just becoming an annoying habit. Settling her maybe more difficult if it's part of her routine, but it wont last long.

Does she have regular'ish times when she wakes for a feed? If she does, only feed her at those times, any other time get DH to go in, reassure her, don't pick her up, pat her on the back but not to sleep. Allow her to whinge/grizzle but not really cry. Repeat. So you aren't depriving her of the comfort/reassurance you are there for her, but at the same time she's not being hugely rewarded for 'waking', her needs are being met when she's hungry.

She will eventually drop one feed then learn to go through. The other thing you can do is a late night, as you are off to bed, dream feed.

Quenelle · 01/02/2011 17:32

YANBU

Don't do it if you're not comfortable with the idea.

Ignore any comments about 'spoiling' your baby.

Agree with HettyAmaretti about others' claims of 'sleeping through'. My friend was always very proud that her DD slept through from 12 weeks. Friend omitted to mention until years later that she or dad was frequently sleeping on the floor by her cot holding her hand until she was 18mo Hmm

rodformyownback · 01/02/2011 17:45

I think follow your instinct (but I am a bit nutso about not leaving to cry!)

Don't know about the dummy as no experience. But one thing struck a chord - you counting the times your baby has woken up. Stop counting and hide your alarm clock! It worked wonders for my sanity when DS1 was waking frequently.

Original poster
TheArmadillo · 01/02/2011 17:45

Thanks for these responses. It was beginning to feel as if the whole world was against me when it came to letting her cry. I know people are only trying to help but I don't want it.

I think in general people think I'm too soft on her as she's very clingy and doesn't like to be put down and think maybe if I left her to cry a bit she'd be better. I don't but it sometimes feels as if I'm the only one.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 01/02/2011 19:02

Yanbu.

Foreverondiet · 01/02/2011 19:05

Your child your choice.

An unweaned 6 month old baby likely to be hungry in night. Once on solids, esp protein should be able to make 10pm-7am

nickytwotimes · 01/02/2011 19:08

yanbu

babies need their parents at night as well as in the day.

i had a sleeper first time, non sleeper this time. it is developmental imo.

if it feels wrong, don't do it.

DuelingFanjo · 01/02/2011 19:22

"but the less discussion you have with people the less you will have to listen to unwanted advice"

I wonder how often people ask though? ie 'is your baby sleeping through yet?'

are people supposed to lie to get out of the conversation or be truthful and say 'no, and I am not really keen to let him/her cry so I am just seeing how it goes'

cue all kinds of unsolicited advice about what you should be doing.

I recon it's hard to escape people telling what they would do or have done even when you don't talk about it.

MoonUnitAlpha · 01/02/2011 19:29

I think there are gentler things you can do to help a baby to sleep before cc.

In a similar situation with my 5 month old, we took away the dummy, and only fed twice in the night at 11 and 3 - if he woke up other than then we rocked him back to sleep. Within a couple of weeks he'd gone from waking every couple of hours to just waking at 11 and 3. Now he's weaned and on 3 meals, the 3am feed naturally moved back to 6am.

I'm also started waiting for 5 minutes if he wakes and is just grizzling, often he falls asleep again himself. If he hasn't in 5 minutes, or if he starts crying or sounding upset I go into him.

morningrunner · 01/02/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsGuyOfGisbourne · 01/02/2011 19:58

YANBU - I could never leave the DC to cry - you can't 'spoil' a baby, and they are lillte for such a short time - more stress for everyone when they cry.

carolondon · 01/02/2011 20:25

I have a six month old who still wakes 2/3 times in the night. It is exhausting but i cant leave him to cry ether. I would rather be tired than leave him to cry so i sympathise completely. Also dont believe that all other babies sleep through. Of my friends only one has a baby who regularly sleeps through.

Honeybee79 · 01/02/2011 20:29

YANBU. If it's not an approach that you're comfortable with then don't do it. She's your baby and no one else can tell you how to manage the nights.

My DS sleeps through but often struggles to get off to sleep. We have a 5 minute rule - if he can't settle in that time then I pick him up.

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