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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To Tattoo or not to ...

13 replies

Tillyboo · 01/02/2011 14:23

My nearly 50 year old sister is a single parent of two teenage girls. She will be losing a lot of her monthly income soon with the end of child maintenance and working tax credits.

She's had a tough time since splitting from the kids dad. Has worked part time but experienced redundancy several times.
There could be a very real threat that this could happen again as she works for local govt.

My parents have been very generous in bailing her out of debt since her divorce, paying fees, paying off loans and overdrafts etc. They have bought her furniture and supported her financially when emergencies arise such as broken computers etc.

My parents are retired and do not have a lot of funds so my hubby & I have contributed at times too.

Bearing all this in mind am I being unreasonable to get cross with her for planning on getting yet another tattoo (a big one) and not keeping the money aside for a rainy day, new tyre, car service etc. ? so it doesn't fall on my parents next time something goes wrong ? They just don't have the money any more.

We've fallen out big time as she thinks she deserves a treat. Her 18 year old daughter has very eloquently told me to butt out as it's her mums choice as to what she spends her money on and that she's saved the money for it.

I am absolutely fuming as I have been made to feel like I am an awful person. If it didn't involve my parents I'd just let her get on with it but the worry of her financial situation has my parents exhausted, upset & stressed - all of which I have tried to explain to my sister but she just accused me of laying a guilt trip on her.

What should I do ? as anything I say just gets turned.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 01/02/2011 14:30

listen to the sensible 18 year old

KnittedBreast · 01/02/2011 14:32

agree with gordylovesheep

BellBookandCandle · 01/02/2011 14:33

Yiu have to butt out. There is always a risk that if you kend a person money you may not like or agree what they do with it.

If your parents are still financially able to help and want to help then, that is their choice - not much you can do. She is their daughter and they probablt happy to help her and their granbdchildren. If you had been in a similar position, then I guess they'd have done the same for you. Begrateful for your finacial security.

Next time she's in schtum - just say no.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/02/2011 14:34

YABU for getting cross with another adult spending their money on whatever they choose.

oneofthosedays · 01/02/2011 14:35

It's really up to her what she spends her money on but she shouldn't be expecting to be bailed out at the next disaster. It's up to your parents to be firm and say no to a loan, if they don't want to do this and will continue to loan money when stuff goes wrong then more fool them, I really don't think there's anything you can do about it.

If people stop lending her money in a crisis she'll soon learn to either save or come to some other arrangement. Frustrating as it is, it's none of your business what she spends her money on - stop lending her money yourself would be a start.

My sister's a bit head in the clouds when it comes to money and is always whinging about being skint then going on a last minute holidays or making no effort to cut costs etc but there's nothing anyone can say that will change the way she is. We just have to wait for the shit to hit the fan and help her pick up the pieces. It's a hard lesson but at some point people need to take responsibility for their own finances.

coccyx · 01/02/2011 14:37

Not really her money is it if people are bailing her out.
Stop lending her money and let her get on with looking common!

SquishyBumsMum · 01/02/2011 14:39

YANBU - She hasn't had much luck recently, and is going through some hard times, but spending a few hundred pounds on a tattoo (I have a couple and for a well done, big, tattoo she's going to be spending a lot) is extremely irresponsible.
She sounds like she's a bit immature.

Original poster

Tillyboo · 01/02/2011 14:43

My parents cannot afford it, they go without and don't want to keep forking out but as with any of us with children, we do it because they are parents.

My dad has been in tears at times as he feels he has no choice but to help. It's taken him to a depressed state and both mum & dad argue about the troubles.

What about them ? Who is going to look after them when they don't have the money to mend their broken boiler ?

That's all I was tying to get across ...

OP posts:

oneofthosedays · 01/02/2011 14:45

I would love to make a start on a large back tattoo but I know I'm never going to get it because it would cost too much and we never have the money to save for that sort of 'hobby' (or maybe it's not as important to me as it was say, 8-10 years ago!).

Tell her to go spend her money on whatever she likes but that you won't be there to help out financially should she need it in the future.

oneofthosedays · 01/02/2011 14:47

x-posts

You need to make it clear to your parents that no-one will think any less of them for refusing to lend your sister the money. If they are struggling to lend it and getting all stressed over it that is not on, they shouldn't be leaving themselves short!! They need to make this clear to your sister so she knows that she is on her own, financially.

TyraG · 01/02/2011 15:37

I agree with oneofthosedays tell her to do whatever makes her happy, but not to come knocking on your door when she's whining because she has no money for things she needs.

Original poster

Tillyboo · 01/02/2011 22:09

Thanks all

OP posts:

Honeybee79 · 01/02/2011 22:13

Don't blame you for feeling pissed off. Tell her not to expect any more financial help from you or your parents. Tell you parents they are not obliged to help if they're struggling to find the cash.

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