in not wanting grandparents to share baby's first birthday?

[OutOfRosenheim]

Our little one turns one soon, and both sets of grandparents live abroad. We had mentioned the idea of spending the 1st birthday with all of them, but the closer it gets, the more we dread the set-up. Previous visits have left us exhausted as they all try and make up for the fact that they don't see their grandchild very often and totally ignore our requests for occasional calm/ nap times/ etc.
We feel that we would be doing this for them, while our little family would not enjoy an extended weekend with all four of them as much as they would. Are we unreasonable to cancel 8 weeks in advance or should we do this for our parents (who may not be around forever, after all) and as a nice memory (if only in photos) for our baby?

Include them. You'll all reap the benefits of it for years to come. If you don't, then the fall out will be awful.

If naps and calm times are ignored for a few days, then is it really a big problem?

Sorry but I think YABU if you suggested it in the first place! Agree with other posters that you need to set firm ground rules with regard to naps.

Your LO is lucky to have 2 sets of Grandparents my 2 DC's only have one Grandma :( Make the most of them whilst they are around.

YABU - It's lovely that they want to share the day with you. Family life is about doing things for each other. At 1 your baby will be delighted to be the centre of attention from 4 loving grandparents.

I think YABU. There are a few people on here that seem to want exclude the grandparents from birthdays, visiting etc and I really don't know why I love it when they come over as others said be more assertive with them

make the most of it whilst they're still around because I would kill to have 1 more day with my GP's

put yourself in their postition, I think you would be hurt/gutted if your dc cancelled a trip because of the worry of baby getting enough naps etc

I used to dread my MIL coming to visit and spent days getting irritated at the thought. Over the years I softened a bit, she never stayed that long, she loved the kids (read around on here to find tales of GPs who aren't bothered at all).

She died suddenly just over a year ago when our youngest was 18ms and our eldest 6 years. I was glad I had made my peace and had her to visit, the kids really loved her.

Bit doomsday, but in the long run, and if they aren't toxic, I say welcome them.

YABU unless there is something you haven't told us about your relationship with your parents and PIL. Do you not get on with them or something?

I would be assertive too and let them know at the beginning of each day how things are going to do so that you don't just whisk your DC away from under their noses.

However, I am not a slave to routine either and if it is just a weekend I would lighten as much as possible and just go with the flow.

I also don't understand what is so bad about just doing it for the GP's? Your DC won't remember but will enjoy seeing the photos in years to come knowing their GPs loved them enough to travel from another country to see them. Why does your happiness come above your parent's happiness? It is only a weekend and maybe if you relaxed a bit you might enjoy it too.

Like everyone else I think yabu.

Grandparents should be cherished IMO. My ds's have a wonderful relaionship with my parents, both my boys and my parents gain so much from it.