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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being economical with the truth with friends

14 replies

Bakingboy · 01/02/2011 06:55

Perhaps this is more a "am I being reasonable" question but wanted to se what people thought.

We have another family whom we are very friendly with and want to go away on holiday to a cottage somewhere. Problem is that we are doing OK for money and can afford to spend more to go to a nicer cottage. We are very happy to pay for most/all the cost but this might not go down well!

Is it reasonable to lie about the cost of the cottage so that the other family will pay "their share" and we can all have a great time?

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 01/02/2011 06:57

So are they so poor that they haven't got google?

spybear · 01/02/2011 06:59

As long as it wouldn't ruin the holiday if they found out!

doricpatter · 01/02/2011 07:01

Be honest with them and offer to pay the extra or suck it up and if they're good friends you'll have a good time wherever you stay. But don't be underhand, however good your intentions.

risingstar · 01/02/2011 07:16

no- find somewhere that you can both afford.

this would be patronising and i assume they are not children.

purplepidjin · 01/02/2011 07:23

As risingstar said.

The only other way would be to suggest you pay more, they do the housework/cooking - which smacks to me of servitude!

CharityBeginsHere · 01/02/2011 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gorionine · 01/02/2011 07:25

With Risinstar too.

TyraG · 01/02/2011 07:27

I would say don't lie, lies have a way of making themselves known one way or another and if this is something that would upset them, then you have to decide how much you value their friendship. Meaning, if they found out and were offended/upset would you be fine if they stopped talking to you?

HettyAmaretti · 01/02/2011 07:28

No, you can't do that. Sorry. Go somewhere you can all afford.

Original poster

Bakingboy · 01/02/2011 07:33

Thanks for the comments. Have been coming to the same conclusion myself. Don't want to put the other family in a weird position if they found out.

In the past we have "accidentally" booked a cottage that was too large and then invited my father and his DP to come with us for free and that mostly worked out.

OP posts:

FreudianSlippery · 01/02/2011 07:35

No way! Don't lie.

Be honest and say you are happy to pay a bit more, but let them decide if they're ok with that.

I know my best friends would be fine with it - sometimes we've paid their train fares so they can visit, at other times they've helped us out, nobody feels 'patronised' or like a charity case - IME friends don't have to worry about that sort of thing.

Just ask them - maybe they'll be over the moon at the chance of a better cottage!

onceamai · 01/02/2011 07:38

Holidays test friendships when everything is equal. No, either go somewhere you can both afford or go your separate ways.

We have a week in our favourite place in Cornwall with two other families every year and it is fantastic BUT we stay in separate properties - and have our space and privacy and the children (teenagers now) have fared better too. We didn't plan this arrangement it just grew over the years.

jamaisjedors · 01/02/2011 07:40

We did this with friends once - but we were the poor ones!

They wanted to go to an expensive area and a fairly up-market house, we had a budget which wouldn't allow it.

We compromised by paying what we could afford, and then we got the not-so-nice bedroom (ie a child's room) while the other two couples had lovely ensuite double bedrooms.

Megatron · 01/02/2011 07:43

No, don't do this it's patronising to say the least. If you want to go on holiday with this couple then accept that you will not be able to go to a more expensive cottage. Then spend the extra cash on another holiday later in the year on your own? Don't put them in a horrible position.

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