pissed off with ILs for being thicko shits

[lilyliz]

Is it just me or would others feel angry and hurt at the in laws covering DH headstone in tacky ornaments and actually using super glue to attach them and not even laeving the space empty at the bottom where my name should go when the reaper calls.what really got me was how they reacted when I pulled them up about it,all offended etc and going on how he was their brother,well sorry but that cost me a lot of dosh and I think they had no right to do this.

They are possibly grievng and want to show their love. Its a difficcult one.

Really? Without asking you? I'm shocked by that. I would be livid if I was you.

Leaving things at the grave is one thing, but actually deliberately sticking things to his gravestone is not on at all.

I would have them removed asap and to hell with the argument.

That sounds awful but I don't know what else to say. I do know that cemetaries have rules about that sort of thing and you might be able to point that out very calmly and perhaps see if the funeral directors can get in touch with the stonemason to tidy it all up and put it right again. Sorry for your loss and the upset this has caused.

I get that you may be angry, but that's a horrible way to describe them.

And he was their brother as well. They are no doubt grieving, and that is their way of expressing it.

Glue will not damage the headstone.

And if they have stuck things where your name will go, then these can be removed when the time comes to engrave your name there.

As there is, presumably, only one grave and only one headstone for him, where else should they leave their tokens?

You need to get a bit more perspective and understand that other people will be just as sad as you - but that they will express their grief in a different way. If he was their brother, they will also have known him for longer than you - so they may feel that they have more right to do this.

Why not try and be a bit more empathetic/sympathetic and recognise that you are all grieving for your loss?

Wow, that's bloody awful. Can you remove those things? Sounds deliberate, doesn't it? Especially that they put stuff in the position your name would go.

Surely someone knows something that gets superglue off?!

Normally I would be saying leave it all how it is to keep the peace, but I think this is too important. It wasn't their place to do that, was it? Certainly not without consulting you.

:(

YANBU to be pissed off, they should not have glued anything on to the headstone

however it is not unreasonable of them to want to show their love, even if it is in a way you think is tacky :(

I hope you can all reach a compromise you're happy with

Oh they left your memorial up ? My Out Laws erected their own with the wording .. much loved by his MOTHER, SISTER and BROTHERS

I totally agree with BIWI - an excellent post.

I am sorry for your loss Lily, but you are not the only one grieving.

Should have said sorry for your loss. Was it recent? Obv they are also grieving but they should not have stuck things on the headstone without asking you.

I suppose this is one of the reasons why cemetaries have rules about decorum in a graveyard.

Very difficult situation and I feel for you. It must be very hard to deal with.

I am a few hundred miles from my parents grave, so I cant visit it often, so we have planted a tree in our garden to remember her by. Maybe you could do something similar so that you have your own personal place to grieve rather than be faced with their way of dealing with it.

I think it does sound tacky too, and would hate for anyone to have done this to me.

Yabu apart from the glue bit.

I don't object to them leaving the ornaments its the fact they glued them to the stone I object toand that they seemed so offended when I said they should not have doneit.Been told to leave them as the glue will probably wear away with the weather.

See if you can give it a helping hand every so often too.

Mad on your behalf.

I am sorry for your loss and agree that sticking things was insensitive of them

X

You poor thing OP.

They do sound like thicko shits to be honest.

Very selfish of them, they should have considered you before they did this.

Does nail polish remover get rid of super-glue? I have a feeling it does.

But anyway, super-glue isn't all that super and chances are you will be able to take the bits off at a later date.

I should leave it as they are grieving too and it's probably better to be on reasonable terms with them than to be at logger-heads.

YANBU to be upset, but at the same time you're not the only one bereft and their way of grieving is as valid as yours.

Please don't use nail polish remover on the headstone - it is likely to damage it.

Nail polish with acetone does get rid of super glue, but I'd check to find out whether it would damage the headstone as onceamai has suggested it might.