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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think no news is bad news?

40 replies

aimingforthesky · 31/01/2011 17:20

DH is at formal disciplinary meeting today after being suspended 4months ago- promised to ring as soon as he knows the result- possible dismissal. It started at 915 am and has had his mobile switched off since.

Can he still be in meeting or has he gone off to gather himself before coming home ? I know you can't give me an answer but help me wait. Maybe he's out celebrating of course.

OP posts:

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 31/01/2011 21:31

bubblewrapped- definitely not fair in my opinion! However the 'procedure' has been followed to the letter- just crap assesment of the alleged incidents.

I think Job Seekers Allowance is what he can claim?- Its been 20yrs since he was last on the dole,

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risingstar · 31/01/2011 21:33

he should get some jobseekers based on his ni contributions- not really going to be enough though.

has he taken proper legal advice? i think that should be his first port of call in the morning. if he appeals willl they pay him until the appeal is heard?

he really needs an expert to look and see if he has case for unfair dismissal.

so sorry that you are in this situation. maybe contact mortgage provider first thing to give them the heads up?

Mssoul · 31/01/2011 21:33

Horrible for you - you must be gutted.

When this happened to us, I must admit to thinking we would lose everything. In my dp's case, there was an allegation of theft. I didn't tell anyone in our families/friends the reason for fear of them judging him. He'd been there 20 years and had an unblemished record (he borrowed £20 from petty cash and was going to return it next day but wasn't allowed to enter the building. And he was up for promotion to the job of his dreams. PRICK! I told everyone he and his boss had fallen out and he'd resigned.

He went first to careers scotland (I'm sure there will be an equivalent) who helped him with his cv. He then signed up with every agency in the city, got a job delivering pizzas and searched for jobs every day around childcare, housework, cooking and sorting the jobs around the house which needed to be done. He found something 2 weeks ago (lost his job after suspension on Oct 31. The upside was he realised how much I actually do in a day and gave me a bit of a break.

Your dh needs to keep busy as depression on top of everything that has happened would be awful. And lose cable telly/takeaway night/nights out/expensive places with kids etc and you'll be amazed how much you'll save. It is so hard, though and I often feel resentful and have been drinking far too much since this happened.

Mssoul · 31/01/2011 21:38

I didn't contact bank re mortgage as we need to either move or build an extension so thought this may not help our application to remortgage get a new deal. But that's just me and it's probably guff advice!

Mssoul · 31/01/2011 21:42

Oh and he asked his most close work colleague who was his senior out for a beer and sasked him to be a referee and he agreed and he was gobsmacked by the injustice of it all. This was one of the first things he did.

He is not earning quite as much as he was, but he supplements with 2 nights delivering pizza still and is so much lighter/happier. He didn't realise quite how much pressure he was under in his job.

OmniaParatus · 31/01/2011 22:11

So sorry for you. This happened to DH 2 years ago, his employer basically couldn't afford to pay him so sacked him for alleged incompetence as quickly as possible so that he had been working there for less than a year and couldn't claim unfair dismissal. I was 7 months pg with DC2 and it was Christmas.

If you have legal cover on your home insurance, that will cover you to pursue the employer for unfair/constructive dismissal for only the cost of your excess. We did this and it was very good, but ex employer folded company so we could pursue no further. Also, if you can take a payment holiday from your mortgage, you can do this rather than tell them about DH's job status.

DH got a new and better job after two months, so I hope the same happens for your DH, it is an utterly crap thing to happen but I hope your DH gets a better job as a result asap.

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 31/01/2011 22:18

Thank you Mssoul - very helpful posts.

One of the most difficult things to deal with is how to explain to the children, they have developed expensive hobbies that we have only been able to afford the last 2 years- horseriding and flute/clarinet lessons are nearly £200 a month . I know they are old enough(11 and 15) to understand that we can not afford these for now but it is not fair !!! Sorry for feeling selfish and self pity coming in now too.

He is a grafter and will take any job going- in the distant past has done everything from streetsweeping to Indian takeaway deliveries-but not one local job in paper today.

He has had loads of support from the rest of is colleagues- all texting him how horrified he has lost his job- had formal statements from more than 20 supporting him today at the tribunal but his linemanager is not one of them so I am guessing any reference will say he was dismissed?

OP posts:

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 31/01/2011 22:24

Thank you Omnia

Not sure if we have legal cover- will look into that if/when the appeal fails. Just feeling guilty that we haven't seriously considered that this would actually happen- we could have been reducing our outgoings since October and been in a bit better shape financially. Hey ho going to bed now as got to go to work tomorrow!

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mumbar · 01/02/2011 20:15

OP sorry to hear the outcome. Could you re post in legal matters and get some advice re appeal etc??

Best of luck for the future.

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 01/02/2011 20:37

Thank you mumbar. Union rep is meeting with him tomorrow to start the appeal process.

Not much sleep last night but we are both feeling more positive today. I know there are plenty in much worse situation than ourselves. I have a job which will on paper cover the essentials and we are fortunate to have no large debts- small house/mortgage. Anyway he is meeting a friend on thursday about a possible delivery job so hopefully will work out and be enough to tide us over.

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squishysquashy · 01/02/2011 20:38

So sorry. If he works for council (or nhs) they will probably have a short standard reference they send from HR (in our place line managers are not allowed to write references). Ask them what this reference would include. If it would include his dismissal try and see if union (or a lawyer) would negotiate a change - e.g. if they just included the dates he worked there, salary, amount of sick leave (if that was asked for) for example.

If the reference would include the dismissal try and work around it, as pp said approach colleagues who might be happy to write a ref (if there are rules like in my place, you are still allowed to write a 'personal' reference I think). If it was addressed to the work address of the colleague then the new employer would not necessarily realise it was a personal reference. The union may have some good advice though.

Best of luck.

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 01/02/2011 20:50

That is useful to know squishysquashy (I like your name!)

I didn't know how he could possibly be considered for any job, apart from for friends who know him well, without a reference from a previous employer.

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ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 20:56

Aimingforthesky - PLEASE get into fighting mode. See what legal advice you can get before the appeal. This is crap.

Original poster

aimingforthesky · 01/02/2011 21:04

Chipping - I just feel drained at the moment, it was an effort to get DH to agree to the appeal as he feels it will only go the same way !

I don't think there is anything to lose and you are right we need to get into fighting mode and stop being soo passive about it all. Just want to wake up from this bad dream tbh.

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ChippingInSmellyCheeseFreak · 01/02/2011 21:55

I can't imagine how awful it must be :( I do know how draining stuff like this can be though. However, you have to find a way to get into fighting mode - you have to get all the possible legal advice you can, you have to do your best not to let him get shafted. This will affect the rest of your lives - don't let them railroad you into accepting this is OK. Get fucking ANGRY!!! Look at what he's been accused of doing and get ANGRY.

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