To tell your DC not to do something if...

angelagray · 2011-01-31T15:16:56+00:00

...you do it! For example is it unreasonable to tell my DD not to wear high heels if I wear the all the time. Or tell them not to smoke if you smoke Or not to drink

mutznutz · 31/01/2011 15:18

It depends on how old they are.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 31/01/2011 15:21

No it's not unreasonable. Tell them that when they're adults, have their own homes and money, they can make the decision for themselves.

mayorquimby · 31/01/2011 15:21

of course.
Or are you going to give them the keys to your car as well?

OhForBoonessSake · 31/01/2011 15:22

if you can back it up with a good reason athat they will understand why it is ok for you but not for them then it is ok. also depends on age. if you cant back it up with a good reason then you either have to ask yourself why you do it or you have to let them do it.

JBellingham · 31/01/2011 15:26

Children need guidance, advice and discipline (some love too i suppose) and just because you are mature and wise/stupid enough to do something does not mean they can.

It all depends on the age of the child.

LaWeaselMys · 31/01/2011 15:27

Depends if there is a reason why it's okay for you to do it and not them.

Heels with damage their feet as they are still growing, it's illegal for them to drink, drive, smoke...

PaisleyLeaf · 31/01/2011 15:28

My DD loves this book!

GloriaSmut · 31/01/2011 15:31

It all depends how old they are and whether you will be taking responsibility for the consequences. I used to smoke but also told my dcs that it was a stupid, unhealthy and expensive habit to get into. They didn't find it hypocritical of me, instead I think they thought it rather pathetic that an adult chose to burn all that money.

I think that if you explain the ins and outs of things in a way that accepts your own frailties you'll leave your children better able to make informed choices.

MrsPresley · 31/01/2011 15:32

As my mum used to tell me "Do as I say, not as I do"

I swore I would never say that to my DC, but guess what

AMumInScotland · 31/01/2011 15:32

If it would harm them, but doesn't harm an adult - eg high heels and drinking (more than a little taste) then its fair enough.

But I think its tricky to explain why its ok for you to smoke, when we all know how much of a health risk it is. Better maybe to say "Most smokers want to quit. Better not to start". Better still to quit....

jessiealbright · 31/01/2011 15:37

Depends on what you say afterwards.

For example, my mother smokes, but by the age of four she had explained that "Mummy really wishes she hadn't started smoking in the first place, but she can't stop it. You don't want to end up unable to stop, like Mummy, do you? Mummy doesn't want you to ever start smoking".

I still don't smoke.

Original poster

angelagray · 31/01/2011 15:47

For example, my mother smokes, but by the age of four she had explained that "Mummy really wishes she hadn't started smoking in the first place, but she can't stop it. You don't want to end up unable to stop, like Mummy, do you? Mummy doesn't want you to ever start smoking".

My mother used to tell me that, then one I over heard her telling a friend of hers how much she enjoyed smoking.

Although I have now given up, times I wished I had not

OP posts:

onceamai · 31/01/2011 16:01

Difficult isn't it. My mum wore very high heels, was very glamorous, smoked, partied, had three husbands, spends money like water, life has always been about fun, her hair is always perfect, she never wanted children, got pg by mistake and wore a nice empire line wedding dress to the altar, at 75 she still looks fantastic in leggings, knee boots and a tunic!. She also doesn't judge, is nice to people who aren't as lucky as her, everyone says hello to her and crosses the road to talk to her, she's first to visit the sick, etc., etc.. When I was a child I used so much to wish she'd just be boring and ordinary.

Funnily enough at 14 when she found a packet of ciggies in my bag, she just said, help yourself to mine darling it doesn't have to be a secret, told me all about the facts of life and what a good idea contraception was and where to get it, told me the truth about the lies boys/men tell.

I turned out very cautious, no high heels, very conservative, very safe, two boyfriends and been married for 20 years, never got pg by mistake, and funnily enough I still haven't ever lived up to her expectations.

My dd's 12 - wonder what the future holds?

FabbyChic · 31/01/2011 16:08

I smoke, I told my children I wouldn't say anything if they did because it would make me a hypocrite.

Luckily for me they hate smoking, so neither smoke.

MrsMustardSeed · 31/01/2011 16:33

Well, smoking... very hard to have any kind of authority over that if you smoke yourself I would say. Your average teenager being obsessed with what is fair and what isn't, they will pick up on hypocrisy in a shot.

High heels though. Surely explain that they are only appropriate for grown ups and not little girls/ younger girls. Not too hard.

MissRead · 31/01/2011 17:37

PaisleyLeaf - I knew it was going to be that book, my DD loves it as well!

ChilledChick2 · 31/01/2011 20:38

I came to the conclusion that DH and I would be the first role models our DC's would look to for what/what not to do.

I decided to give up smoking and drinking as I wanted to set an example to the kids and also reap the benefits for my own health, although I'll maybe have ONE drink once a month, if I can be bothered.

I wouldn't tell my kids not to drink when they're old enough, but I'd definitely emphasise that moderate drinking is better than getting liquered up.