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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious with my line manager

25 replies

PrincessScrumpy · 31/01/2011 15:09

I am 6 weeks pg but have had bleeding and cramping so am being tested to see if pg is viable etc. This will be 2nd dc. As I was going to be out of work for hospital appointments etc, I told my line manager, making it really clear it was confidential and I really didn't want people knowing yet. I also thought, if it goes wrong I would probably have to tell my manager anyway. She is pg (11 weeks) and told me she was trying and when she 1st found out etc as we are quite close. I kept it to myself. Not my news to tell.

Today I had more bloodtests but was in work this morning. One of the senior managers came and whispered "congratulations!" - I burst into tears. It completely threw me. I am coping with the fact I might be losing this baby but wasn't expecting people to know. Turns out my manager has not only told my ceo (who told this senior manager) but also goodness knows who else as an admin lady was saying I looked tired and it could be anemia or hormones (seems an odd thing to say if she doesn't know and she's in my manager's friendship group).

Senior manager was lovely about it and went straight to ceo so it didn't go further but I am fuming with my line manager. She told them I was pg but didn't mention I was having problems etc. It's not her news. She's taken away my chance to "announce to the world" and done it when I'm feeling really fragile.

If it turns out today that I've misscarried, I feel I'll have to send an all users email to let everyone know.

I'm I being over sensitive? Sorry for rambled thread.

OP posts:

GelflinGirl · 31/01/2011 15:13

YADNBU, thats really not fair of her to do this! Im very sorry for what you are going through and really hope things turn out to be ok.

Id have very strong words with her

Bogeyface · 31/01/2011 15:13

You are not being unreasonable or oversensitive at all. And bursting into tears like that might actually bring to the attention of the senior managers that your manager is blabbing confidential info when she shouldnt. If she cant keep her gob shut about that then what else is she blabbing about?

I would definetely be having a word with her when you are feeling a bit stronger, making it clear how upset you are and that any further news of that sort is to be kept strictly confidential in future.

Keeping everything crossed for you. I had a scan that told me I had m/c and had the follow up blood tests only to be told that the scan was wrong. My "miscarried" baby is now 9 years old! :)

take care x

LaWeaselMys · 31/01/2011 15:17

I'm so sorry, what a horrible day! I hope your ceo is helpful, and that the PG stays put.

fireblademum · 31/01/2011 15:17

No. appalling behaviour. Sorry am feeding dc atm so hope some more folk come along. Sorry to hear your about your complications hope it turns out ok.:)

BerylStreep · 31/01/2011 15:19

YANBU. How awful.
Hope all goes well.

shesparkles · 31/01/2011 15:22

I'd be going ballistic at my manager

I hope you get good news from the scan, but worst case scenario, I'd be asking her to spread the bad news in the same way she spread the good.
Hope you're ok x

TheVisitor · 31/01/2011 15:25

I'd actually be raising a grievance on this. You gave her confidential information and she's passed it around. What she's done is completely unprofessional and a disciplinary offence.

TheVisitor · 31/01/2011 15:25

Oh, and the best of luck to you for your scan. xxx

PoledrathePissedOffFairy · 31/01/2011 15:30

Dreadful behaviour. I told my line manager I was pg earlier than I had planned as he was trying to work out headcount for the coming year, and if we needed to recruit more staff. He told no-one, though he did ask my permission to tell HR that he would need cover for me.

Go to your HR people, and take it from there.

springbokdoc · 31/01/2011 15:31

I would be furious! I would definately raise this later - as a line manager she should be able to keep info confidential. The only reason for breaking that would be to tell your ceo that you were experiencing probs so that no one questioned you about not being at work.

Good luck for later and I hope it's all ok.

thefurryone · 31/01/2011 15:33

Definitely not unreasonable in the slightest your line manager has well and truly crossed the line, I'd definitely be raising the issue at a more senior level.

I hope you get some good news at your scan.

onceamai · 31/01/2011 16:11

I hope everything is OK with the pg - that really is the most important thing. When things have calmed down a bit one way or another I think I would have a quiet and confidential word with her manager.

Next time don't tell anyone just call in sick until you are sure about what's going on.

Good luck OP.

weefriend · 31/01/2011 16:13

It would be pretty poor behaviour at the best of times but if she knows about the problems then it's doubly bad. I really hope everything turns out ok for you.

MoaningMedalllist · 31/01/2011 17:38

YANBU at all !
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, hope it works out okay

taintedpaint · 31/01/2011 18:15

NO WAY are you BU. You poor thing. This was definitely your news to tell and not only has your line manager taken that away from you, but she's done it at an especially difficult time. What a bitch. Honestly, I would raise an official complaint about, she was out of line entirely, completely indefensible.

I really hope it all works out okay though, fingers crossed for you. x

hairyfairylights · 31/01/2011 18:27

YANBU. And I'm so sorry this is happening to you - I've had a similar situation, am pregnant again (5+3) and am not telling anyone, including the lady that 1. gossipped and 2. didn't shut up about it the last time (I had had a previous MC so was nervous). And I'm not telling them until 16 weeks (if I get that far).

I do think that people who haven't been through this kind of stuff have no idea about how it feels, but lshould keep their gobs shut.

Plumm · 31/01/2011 18:34

YANBU. My manager did something similar (healthy pregnancy though) and i burst into tears at Waterloo station when I told DH about it. It's completely unprofessional and you need to speak to a senior manager about it.

Sorry for your loss

BetsyBoop · 31/01/2011 18:38

YAsoNBU

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this extra totally unnecessary stress on top of what is already a really stressful time. I would definitely be giving her what for!

I hope your tests brought postive news today, it is such an awful time, not knowing one way or another.

I had a similar experience with DD (who is now 5, so I was one of the lucky ones) and had to tell my boss. He was normally a right gossip, so I didn't really want to tell him, but didn't really have a choice I had so many hospital appts (they first thought ectopic, then expecting miscarriage, then got the all ok). To give him his due he kept schtum. (Probably scared of what I would do to him if he didn't )

jenga079 · 31/01/2011 18:48

You are sooooooo not being unreasonable! She is though.

I really hope you get some good news soon and that your ceo gives her a big kick up the bum!

DITD · 31/01/2011 18:58

How were your tests?

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 31/01/2011 19:03

Get my blood results at 8pm - had bloods done last Thursday so this is to compare. Really fed up of waiting.

TBH, I would have been cross if all was fine, but this just makes it all worse.

I'm worried if I kick off people will think I'm jealous of her healthy pg - really not, I'm very happy for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

PrincessScrumpy · 31/01/2011 20:51

HCG levels are up so that's good. Have another scan on Monday. Fingers crossed.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 31/01/2011 21:03

Thats great news Princess.

Keeping everything crossed for Monday. I remember when I went through this, the waiting was horrible, I am thinking of you x

anastasiaviolet · 31/01/2011 22:29

Good luck Princess, I really hope things are ok. YANBU to be really pissed off with your manager btw.x

BetsyBoop · 01/02/2011 18:15

That's good news, fingers crossed for more good news on Monday. :)

I remember the 3 weeks in "limbo" I had when pregnant with DD, the waiting & waiting & waiting, not knowing whether next time will be good or bad news really sucks :(

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