To be fed up making all the effort with this friend?

[Dancergirl]

I have a (I thought) close friend who I met when our first children were tiny, nearly 10 years ago. We lived near each other, had loads in common and joined an NCT post-natal group and met up every week in someone's house. Our dhs became friends too and we used to get together at weekends too. You get the picture.

She moved house a couple of years ago, slightly out of the area but only about a 15-min car drive. The last couple of years I've hardly seen her at all and barely spoken on the phone. We used to speak regularly.

We were all due to meet up over the summer (with 1 of the other NCT friends as well) but she cancelled last minute as there was a bike ride she wanted to go on with the kids. Since then she seems to be avoiding me - we all try and meet up for coffee regularly-ish and her excuse is that she's too busy with work. Which may or not be true, but the way she said it was really off. I did ask her (by email) if anything was wrong, but she just blamed work.

I don't understand it. I have helped out with her kids many, many times when her childcare arrangements fell through. Shall I keep trying or what? I left her a friendly answerphone message a few weeks ago but she didn't ring back.

I think you should take the hint.

Sadly, people often don't have the balls to be straight with you and will just pull this sort of shit and hope that you get the message.

I don't think it's a question of AIBU tbh but I agree with HecateQueenofWitches, take the hint that she's not interested in making the effort and find better friends that are x

To be honest, some people are like that. They move through groups of friends but don't carry many friends forward with them through life. Have you ever gone to a party or wedding and noticed that most of the friends there are fairly recent ones with no old friends from childhood, or college or previous jobs. This girl could be a bit like that.

I agree with Swanandduck, and have had a couple of friends like that over the years, who just "move on" for no reason.

Yep, another one who agrees with the others.
She's just no that into you anymore. Find another friend.

As has been said take the hint, although I don't think you need to read anything sinister into it.

When you have one small DC you feel like you have all the time in the world and your DC just follow you around. As they get older their wants become more important and "couple with a baby time" changes into "family time", combined with teh pressures of running a home and working there is often very little time for friends.

I'm in your position too unfortunately. Known friend for 11yrs did everything together. I used to ring her 2/3 a month. Decided to leave it until she rang me and it took her 7mths and I haven't heard from her since. She only moved 30 minute walk away and she didn't bother with me anymore for whatever reason. It would be good to know why though but I have a feeling it's because she made a load of new friends when she moved

I have given up now but my son keeps asking to go round there to see her son and I'm running out of excuses:( imo you should just give up

Yes I know. I'm just surprised that she's like this. She told me that at school she always struggled a bit with friendships and was never one of the cool girls. I sort of assumed that as an adult she really valued good friendships.

I agree Bumble. I think some people are 'all or nothing' friends ie they want to be 'best' friends with someone and see them a lot and involve them in everything and then, when they move away or change jobs or become busier, they just drop the friendship because they have a new 'close friend' now. They don't really accumulate friends as they go through life, they discard one friend as soon as they make another one.

It's such a shame that people do this. It's happened to me a couple of times and I find it quite unnerving and upsetting.
Recently I spotted a friend with whom I was extremely close to during the split up of my first marriage. I moved away from the area to another city about 10 years ago and we only kept in touch by Xmas card, nevertheless the contact was still there and I always kept an open invitation for her to come to visit me and my family.
She must have been doing some Xmas shopping down here last Xmas and I was quite surprised to see her from a distance. I was walking towards her when she completely blanked me - I know she saw me and deliberately turned her back to me.
She's no longer on my Xmas card list!! I'm quite sad about it though.

It is really upsetting but i too think that you should take the hint and leave it be now.

Its happened to me, and is till miss this friend allot.
But its a natural end, nothing you have done, nothing she has done, just a natural end.

gogopops, that is so hurtful!

bumble - please be my friend

What a cow she is!

Forget her

Make new friends and blank her out of your life!

I have a brother and a sister who lived very close to each other and their two families were as close as can be. When my brother moved 30 miles away the contact swiftly declined. My sister was very distraught and couldn't understand it. She took it personally but I dont think it was intended that way.

I think friends and sometimes family find it easier to keep that kind of contact with whoever is nearest to them. Life is so busy these days.