To imagine what a world would be like if everything was baby/child led?

[schmee]

The recent heated debate about baby routines - where some people are fervently advocating just following your baby in all matters - led me to think: what if we just followed what our children want?

For me that would mean one of my four year olds surviving on eight hours sleep, eating nothing but cheddar cheese and sugar lumps and continuing to cr*p in his pants because playing is more interesting than going to the loo.

I think the other one would generally be ok, but would probably still snatch and hoard every toy he saw and would sleep in my bed under a mountain of toy cars and trains. He would also poo in my husband's shoes which was his preference as a toddler.

but being child led in your parenting doesn't mean feeding your children crap and never saying no, does it?

anyway, if you were good parents your kids wouldn't know about crap food, would they?

"We're baby led and child led in this house. This doesn't mean we don't have rules and boundaries though. It's just the rules and boundaries are centred around the child's best interests."

Well put!

DD would spend all day wearing vest, wellies & hat. DS would have disney's Up on endless loop & eat nothing but breakfast cereal and breadsticks (and biscuits). He would leave Up playing while going out to ride his bike. Grandparents would be instantly available, at the touch of a button (which would also play that irritating vtech "we like to move our feet" tune)

I think most families have rules and boundaries centred around their best interests. It is rather smug to think that it is only those who follow your methods who have the child's best interests at heart.

My nephew gets constant attention, and expects constant attention wherever he is. The result is that he is, and always has been a PITA, and we can't have family occasions in restaurants that include him, because he has never ever been willing to sit and eat at a table. He runs around the table, sticking his head in front of everyone, ensuring that he is the focus at all times. I have no doubt that my nephew's parents have always had his best interests at heart, but I don't want to be that child-led. I don't think it has done him any favours, it means he misses out on all family meals, which is a real shame for him.

Bascially Cleo, you are talking about one concept of baby-led and the OP another. Like some view baby-led weaning to mean letting them eat whatever they want be it chocolate or a banana, whereas others also doing BLW would never let their little one have chocolate that young.

My BF was raised in the more extreme version of making every decision herself, didnt have to go to school, could eat whatever she wanted, never old off (so for a few years I refused to be alone with her as she would bop me one).

She was a nightmare as a teenager, no one liked her at school as she had no consideration for anyone else, the teachers hated her inflated percepion of herself.

It was hard to be friends with her but I was and remain so, she urned out OK, and she is raising her kids along much more conventional lines.

My dd would not nap. Ever. She would get up at 5am, and play with plug sockets all day. Breakfast would be pot plant leaves and candle wax; lunch would be yoghurt eaten with her fingers; dinner would be my make-up. She would not wear a coat. Or clothes. Or a nappy.

I think we can agree that we all want what's best for our children and to meet their needs. And also our needs, perhaps?

I've met some pretty crap adults, and you can bet that some of them slept in a sling, went to bed at midnight and were home-schooled; some of them were left to cry for hours on end and had to sit at the table all night if they didn't finish their dinner; and the rest of them were somewhere in the middle.

I think as parents we're being insufferably self-congratulatory if we think that what we're doing is the best, full stop, rather than the best for our family, and garuanteed to produce "better" offspring.

I think there's a big difference whether they're children or babies. Babies aren't capable of being naughty or manipulative. If they cry it's because they need something (even if only comfort). Children are a completely different matter though - they need discipline and to learn that they're not the centre of the universe. I don't know what age this changes though. I suppose it's gradual.

anyway, my 'parenting' is entirely led by moi, in that if i think it's going to be easier/more fun to do blw, to not bust a gut over routines etc and to bring up well-mannered children who aren't needy little gobshites because they have been left to their own decisions rather a lot, so much the better.

lol... I am loving this thread. If the world was completely child led it would be like lord of the flies. No one do anything to stop bullying at school as it would be interfering with the wishes of the bully.

I would prefer a world which was family led. This doesn't necessarily mean dominated by kids, but remembering single aunts, uncles, grandparents as well.

There are lots of ways of parenting well. I think the state employs far too many experts (ie. surestart workers and incomepent health visitors) to tell us how to parent. I think the important thing is to boost the confidence of parents and empower them in themselves. (Ie. what a good quality health visitor would do.)

If parents are physically and mentally healthy then they wil cope with the challenges that children throw at them.

I used to be friends with somone who really did raise her DC like this. It was really hard to be around her and her DC (she was a single parent). He ate constant sweets including chocolate for breakfast, didn't clean his teeth,watched TV all day long including 15 rated dvds, didn't wear a coat etc in the snow, drew all over the walls ('Well it's his house too') and generally acted like a wee shite. She was a very intelligent and highly qualified woman who could back up all her theories with research etc but I couldn't take any more (and didn't want my kids getting any ideas) so opted out of the friendship. I am convinced he will end up a serial killer as he was a strange and somewhat detatched and cruel child. Weird.

"drew all over the walls ('Well it's his house too')" - loving that!!

How would it work with more than one child when they both want to lead me in different directions at different times

As someone else said, babyled my arse.

I didn't mean that people who don't raise their children by the baby or child led way don't have their child's best interests at heart when it comes to rules and boundaries just that you can still be fully baby and child led AND still have rules and boundaries.

Obviously some people don't have these whatever their parenting method and that's when you get the problems with unruly/ badly behaved kids.

LOL pooing in your husbands shoes!

my child would be carried every where all day and never put down, eat everything that isnt nailed down.

never have his bum changed or teeth cleaned and eat his aunties tea aswell as his own.

and climb everywhere

Baby led parenting is for wimps!

child led in this house would mean watching handy manny all day long while drinking irn bru..

from time to time I would be ordered to the kitchen to make kitchen nuggets and/or provide snacks!!!

my child is parent-led and as such is polite, eats and drinks healthy food regularly, can use the toilet and get herself dressed and sleeps at bedtime. She also knows the words "please" "thankyou" and "sorry" and what they mean and doesnt think the world revolves around her at 5 years old.

Child led in this house would be a 3am rise, for 3 hours, playing on the wii whilst eating dry cereal, returing to bed at 6am and sleeping until one sees fit to get up and play on the wii again, more dry cereal, maybe some ham, and in Ds2's cases, crapping in one's pants because one doesn't wish to inturrupt one'#s activities.

Good job I'm a horrible mean mummy who doesn't care how angry they are with me as long as I know I'm doing the right thing.

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as you think. . .

ten years ago my sister, driven beyond endurance, allowed her 3 DC to eat nothing but sweets for 3 days. She piled all their sweets on the coffee table and refused to cook them any meals (this was after months of awful fussiness, not a spur of the moment decision!) After 3 days, they came and begged her for fruit and a properly cooked meal. They never questioned her again when she told them to eat their dinner, or that they couldn't have any sweets.

I would try this with DS and DD but I think they would enjoy a sweetie diet much more than their cousins, and never eat a proper meal again. Then again, it wouldn't be a problem for long because they would kill each other while arguing about whether to watch Scooby-Doo or Peppa Pig if I wasn't willing to step in and prevent it!

Very funny to think about a 'baby/child led household' .

It would be biscuits for breakfast, Peppa Pig on repeat, bare bottoms and tutus here.

However it does drive me mad when people talk about baby led this and baby led that... It always ends up sounding like you're massively boasting about just how clever and in tune with your child you are that you couldn't possibly need any guidance, or what a good baby you have that they'll automatically sleep/eat/do whatever... . Ditto routine queens who feign surprise when your baby does anything that doesn't fit with a typical routine.

Child led in this house would be:

Getting up at 5am

Chocolate for breakfast whilst watching a couple of hours of Baby Looney Tunes.

No school

Going to the (furthest away) park wearing pyjams and wellies

A packet of ham for lunch, followed by more chocolate (possible chocolate ice-cream)

The afternoon would be spent painting, drawing, making 'stuff' and not having to put any of it away. Making as much mess as possible and not being told off - plus attention being focussed on her for every second.

Tea would either be 'mashbeans' or pizza, followed by more chocolate.

The evening would be spent watching Barbie DVDs interspersed with The Simpsons, whilst still creating as much mess as possible that she does not have to clean up.

Bedtime would be whenever she fell asleep watching said TV (probably around 10pm)

She would also want to be woken up at midnight for a feast......of chocolate.

OmniaParatus - all hail to your sister!

DD would never, ever, ever have a bath.

She would chew on my nose when hugging me (why? WHY DOES SHE DO THIS???)

As PFB and first grandchild everyone would pay attention to her at ALL times. No slacking!

She would watch Peppa Pig 12 hours a day.

We would have to follow every dog she could see home from the park.

DD has never had chocolate so no problem there. < smug emoticon > mince pies or custard however...

I am up at her preferred getting up time of 5.30 anyway so nothing would change there...

My little Master of the Me-Niverse (10) would preside over a world where there was no such thing as homework or instrument practice; where there were really enormous tellies either with Wii's attached or looping continuous episodes of Top Gear, The Simpsons & Harry Hill; where unbrushed hair was constantly in fashion & coca cola, Haribo and meatballs existed in gay abundance; and where cleanliness-obsessed mothers and their stain-removing damp flannels and soap malarkies were banished for ever.

I think he will fit right in at university. :)