Whats the best joke/one-liner/opening gambit you ever heard during a best mans speech?

[Threaders]

Sorry to put this on here, but I wanted as many eyes on as possible.

Am best man in a couple of weeks, and am currently piecing together the all important speech. I've done most of it, but am just looking for some inspiration to finish it off. Googling this stuff comes out with the same tired old jokes all the time, so just wondering if anyone heard anything a bit different or original that had the audience in stitches!

So what's the funniest, most memorable joke, story, one-liner or opening quip that you heard during a best mans speech?

Best man stands up. Everyone claps/cheers etc

"Thank you very much. It's always nice to get a warm hand on your opening"

My DH's brother was his best man - after standing up and thanking everyone for coming he said:

"I wouldn't say DH is nervous but I found this in the toilet this morning" and produced half a house brick from under the table - god only knows how he'd snuck it in.

DH wrote his speech on note cards - on the back had written "Help", "Me", "Please" - the guests were is hysterics!