Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to offer to have my cousin aged 2 to stay for a week to give his parents a break?

16 replies

HaggisHunter · 30/01/2011 22:16

My cousin is 2.9 yo. His Dad (my DU) is in his 50's and his Mum is in her early 40's and suffers from MS.

They phoned me tonight, both at the end of their ropes. DU sounds depressed and told me some of his worries and his GF is so tired with her MS. My cousin is a lively little boy and they are having some problems with him.

He is hitting his parents and other children. He torments their cat, smashes toys on the TV, refuses to go to bed and is generally getting up to all sorts of mischief.

My DU & GF are desperate for a break, both sets of parents are dead and although my Mum helps where she can it is only a day here and there. DU said my cousin is putting so much stain on them that he'd like to phone SS and ask them to take him Shock. They both say if they knew what it would be like they wouldn't have had him.

I live 200 miles away but have offered to have my cousin for a week to give them some respite. They think its a great idea and plan to drive down to drop him off before going back to their home the following day leaving him here with me.

I couldn't think what else to suggest. I wouldn't like to think they would put my cousin in care. I'd take him in rather than let him enter the care system.

DH and I have 4 sons, our youngest is 4.9 yo, the eldest 16.

Was AIBU to offer to have my cousin?

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 30/01/2011 22:18

No, I think it sounds like a really lovely thing to do.

How sad for the little boy though. A lot of that sounds like normal 3YO behaviour :(

AimingForSerenity · 30/01/2011 22:19

No YANBU. You are being really kind. I'll bet there's lots of people who wish they had family like you.

Maybe he just needs a "normal" family for a break. It can't be easy for for him either if his parents are so stressed.

FudgeGirl · 30/01/2011 22:19

I do think you should have probably discussed it with your DH before you offered - but I understand that in the circumstances you may have felt that you needed to offer straight away to have your cousin.

What does DH think about having your cousin for a week? And what about your sons?

Hopefully they are all supportive, in which case, great.

AgentZigzag · 30/01/2011 22:21

I hope they appreciate you Smile

Agree it's a lovely thing to do, 2 YO are bloody hard work at times.

JingleMum · 30/01/2011 22:21

i think it's lovely of you and with you having the experience of raising young boys it will be good for your little cousin.

what a lovely gesture OP.

Original poster
HaggisHunter · 30/01/2011 22:23

FudgeGirl DH was very supportive and understood why I offered. My sons will enjoy having their little cousin (or second cousin really) to stay. The boys love having visitors and having one near to the younger ones ages will be a treat. I know there will be some arguments along the way but we're prepared for that.

We've still to sort out an actual date so it might never happen although they did seem very keen.

OP posts:
moaningminniewhingesagain · 30/01/2011 22:24

I think it is a lovely kind thing to do. They are hard work at that age and a brief respite may be just what they need.

Hopefully they will enjoy the break but miss him as well Smile

FreudianSlippery · 30/01/2011 22:24

YANBU, you sound lovely :) I bet they'll really appreciate the break!

FudgeGirl · 30/01/2011 22:25

Oh, and hitting his parents, tormenting the cat, smashing toys against the tv don't sound like very good or normal behaviour to me, whatever his age.

He is very lucky to have a cousin like you, hopefully a change of scene will be good for him and his parents.

FudgeGirl · 30/01/2011 22:26

I think you were right to offer off the cuff IMO in the situation btw, just hoped that you weren't starting the thread because DH wasn't keen or something!

Good on you.

AgentZigzag · 30/01/2011 22:27

I possibly, maybe, IIRC thinking that I'd have cheerfully given DD1 to a passing stranger to look after when she was 2 Grin

I would say they're saying that to you as an indicator of how difficult they're finding the transition from a baby to an 'able to reason with(ish)' child.

Perhaps you could have a casual chat with them to see if any of your experience would be helpful to them?

SparkleSoiree · 30/01/2011 22:31

YANBU. You have made a very kind gesture and you can see the value of it to your uncle as they have jumped at the chance.

My PILs had our 2.11yr old DD last August for a week and as long as they kept her busy she was fine and we were so grateful for the break. On the flip side we had 2 of a friends children for 5 days in order to give them a break and they came back like newlyweds!

It is great and to have family and friends like you who can spot a need in others and help meet it.

Original poster
HaggisHunter · 30/01/2011 22:31

I'm not sure why I started the thread tbh. I was just thinking about it and wondered if I'd maybe overstepped the mark.

My Mum tells me my cousin is fine with her and plays really well with my nephew who is 4. DU reckons my cousin acts up to get a reaction Confused.

OP posts:
Mishy1234 · 31/01/2011 08:06

I think it's wonderful of you to offer and don't think you've overstepped the mark at all.

bubblewrapped · 31/01/2011 09:32

I think its a great idea. It sounds like his parents are struggling a bit, which is unsurprising if Mum has MS, and probably isnt going to get much easier either.

Little boy is at a difficult age, and tbh, his parents are probably finding it very tiring to keep up with him, especially if one of them is ill.

I think being with you and especially your boys, will benefit him and give his parents a much needed break.

smupcakes · 31/01/2011 22:52

That's a really lovely thing to offer - YADNBU!

Also, you might find that when he's around your boys he will imitate their good behaviour - so that he's 'in with them' as it were...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page