to think it is rude for a friend to be asking direct questions about my finances?

[portaloo]

I've always felt a little uncomfortable discussing my income or what I do with my money with friends.
Anyway, the other day, I found myself in a really unusual situation, one I have never ever come across before, so I have probably blown some of the things that have been said/asked since then out of proportion.

Basically, I needed to go to the bank, to change over some cash from scotland. I had a £100 note amongst other notes.
My friend also needed to go to town, and asked if she could have a lift with me, so we went together.
I went to my bank, while she went to hers (a different one).
I had just got to the bank teller, when my friend walked into my bank, obviously she had done what she needed to do at her bank. I expected her to wait within the bank somewhere, or maybe just outside, but she actually walked right up to stand by my side, then proceeded to say loudly 'Wow, a £100 note, where did you get that from?'

I felt really uncomfortable, but didn't want to point out that I thought she was rude to stand right next to me, because she is quite a nice person, and I know she'd be really hurt to know anyone thought she was rude.

The bank teller was asking me a question about my account, a simple question which my friend then answered for me.

I truly felt like just leaving my friend and the teller to it.

A few days later, same friend was discussing a forthcoming night out, and asked me how I intended on getting to the venue. I said I didn't know yet. I might drive. Friend replies 'You can't drive there, you wont be able to drink'. I said that was a fair point, then I'll probably get a taxi. Friend replies 'You can't afford that, can you? Do you know how much taxi's are. They're not cheap you know, how are you going to afford that, where will you find the money from blah blah blah'

I just find it quite rude when people start asking me direct questions about what I am paid, what I spend my money on etc.

I never know what to say in reply.

Is it just me? Is it usual to be so open about the finer details of your finances?

Also any suggestions on what to say in response to 'If I was you, I wouldn't do that.' 'You shouldn't buy that, you're wasting your money'

Sorry for the rant.

What you do is you look them in the eye and say one of the following.

"Why do you care?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Why do you think that I want you to tell me how to spend my money?"
"I think you are being very rude. Why do you feel my finances are any of your business?"

I agree, it is the height of bad manners to ask a friend or a relative what they earn (partner excepted of course), or what they have in the bank.

I never knew my parents finances, and would not have dreamt of discussing it with them either.

I remember my stepdaughter who must have been about 18 at the time, asking her dad how much he earned, and thought it incredibly cheeky.

It was a bit strange of her to walk right up to you when you were with the teller. Most people would consider that rude. Mind you, I was out with a friend on Friday and went to the cashpoint and she stood right next to me. She could see my pin and everything but it didn't bother me as she only did it because we were so engrossed in gossip and I'm not really uptight about that sort of thing.

The £100 note thing isn't so strange. Most people would exclaim, 'wow'! They are so rare though you do know that Scottish notes are legal tender in England, don't you?

The taxi thing would get on my nerves most of all. I'd tell her to piss off over that. But not because it's to do with finances, rather she's being bossy.

But then I've always been happy to talk about money/what I earn/what I spend if anyone asks. I don't volunteer it nor would I ask anyone else but I don't mind sharing.

With the taxi thing, since she'd already commented about how you couldn't drink if you drove, I'd probably have said, 'oh I'll fly then, or what would you suggest??'

I agree it was rude to stand right next to you at the counter, but the comment about the £100 note in itself wasn't rude, they're not common at all, and I think it is unusual for someone to have one

I would NEVER ask someone how much they earned and would feel very, very unconfortable if someone asked me.

In fact I hate people discussing how much things cost (particularly in a bragging manner). It really makes me cringe for some reason.

Forgive me if I've missed something but your friend didn't actually ask how much you earned did she? She might have just been having a rant about how expensive taxis are in general, to which you could have just agreed and said something like "Yes they are a bit but it's just a one off". Maybe she has to think more about money than you do?

• uncomfortable!

very poor form all round.
Except for the "where did you get the £100", perhaps - I'd have been intrigued as well since I've never seen one.

But generally, unless someone is fairly up front about not being able to afford things, then it is very rude to suggest that they can't, or to speculate on how much they can afford to spend.

Discussing the cost of things isn't always bragging though, is it. If I was talking about a holiday and someone asks if it was expensive, I'd tell them how much it cost. Not to brag but to give them the info they wanted.

I don't regularly (or at all) drop into conversation how much something costs but if someone asks, I will tell them. I do think it strange that people are so uptight about such things.

I don't think she was that bad - do you think she was angling to share a taxi having seen you change 100 noted.

Cora - I am very uptight about it. It's weird. But I do find some people drop the cost of things into conversation more than others...

Well we don't have much money so I always think of things in terms of saving pennies. So if a friend said they'd get a taxi that I knew would be expensive, I probably would be a bit "but you know how much they cost don't you?! They cost a fortune!" I guess though in theory I know other people will have more money and not mind as much as us, my first reaction would be to do with how expensive I thought something was - I wouldn't necessarily be implying anything about anyone else's finances.

The £100 note thing sounds like a general 'wow!', just because they're unusual. Coming to the counter with you seems a bit strange, though.

Apart from that, the actual examples you've given sound fine to me. But if people are also asking you directly what you earn, then that's a bit rude.

Allatsea, you are perfectly entitled to feel that way. And I certainly would never ask you what something cost or how much you earned.

I have never seen a £100 pound note, either what do they look like? Does anyone know if you have to order them or if the bank just gives them out now a days?

Ah well a lesson learned for you and for us not to bring other people with us to the bank in future!