Help with my daughter pls - re her father and his parents!

[outwithit]

You'll have to excuse me as not used to this - and certainly not with all the all the shortening of words. ;)

Basically my x husband left 2 years ago leaving me with our 'just 2yr' old daughter.

Although we are supposed to share time with little one 7 nights each - this has nvr hpn'd. Dtr has always stayed with me and visits with dad varied for first 18months up to 23hrs per fortnight and only once over night. Now just every other weekend.

Dtr gets very distressed when she goes with him, despite my guts saying otherwise I always remain very positive about him, have him in the house at pick up time and play with them both, remain v positive that dtr is going to have a great time etc etc but....................SHE SCREAMS, doesn't want to go, arms are out beggin for me to keep her at home.

It's breaking my heart - what do I do?

His parents are now getting heavily involved saying what should and should not happen - have confusing conversations with our dtr when they see her about having to stay at Dad's house and if not his, then theirs!

He basically will do what ever his mum tells him to do - she and x FIL ar very controlling and it's becoming impossible!!

Things have been so SO MUCH btr since Ex husband now only has dtr for day times every other weekend, dtr far more settled and happy until the day comes when he arrives to collect her.

what's ur thoughts??

I think it's very common for little ones to go through clingy phases and not want to leave a certain parent...but as distressing as it can be, it's usually something you both have to work out.

I found this with my own kids. They'd spend every other weekend with my ex...but both at different ages, they became clingy and didn't want to go. We simply had to work out a new routine until it passed...for us that meant he'd take them for a day or an afternoon so they didn't have to go over night.

It sounds to me as though your ex's parents might think you're turning your child against him...perhaps someone needs to explain this to them.

You say she's screaming saying she doesn't want to go with him- that needs to be sounding alarm bells with you. You say you're happy to have him in your house, so until you work out what her problem is then that's what I think you should do- let him see her but in your presence, not without you.

I would let your daughter stay at her grandmas once a week and let dad have access there providing you have no concerns about her welfare. When she is used to going both you and your daughter will get used to it. I didnt get on with my ex mother in law when i had the 1st. The ex was and still is a mammys boy. Now i have 3 kids and we have split up and i am thankfull for the weekends when she takes my daughters and i can sort the house out etc. I get on with her much better now i am not in a relationship with her son. Me and the kids dad are also on good terms and he takes the kids through the week. I was at fault as well and rose to the the my son can do no wrong jibes. I just started to ignore them because i knew otherwise. Its always had at first.

That's really nice to hear fifi

The screaming is very typical at that age, and Fifi has very good advice.

I wasnt always like that i used to be a complete bitch and not let them go out of spite. A very good friend said your cutting your nose off to spite your face and she was right.

I would be more than happy for them to have her over night at grandparents house if it wasn't for the fact she comes home so confused with conversations. I've tried talking to them about it and they deny all knowledge - even tho my 3yr old dtr is very specific about whats been said and why she's sad! They were like it when we were married thou, had to know our finances, where we were, what we did, who we saw - how much every last thing we paid for cost etc. If they thought there was something wrong or we should be doing things a different way they'd spk to x-husband who would soon make sure we were doing things as per his parents. I sld add - I encouraged for them to remain close, but he would only ever take her to pubs, to see his friends etc. What ever routine I set and discuss with him - he will decide doesn't need to be followed cos....'Mummy says differently"!

He also claimed for a year that he was sole carer so he could have some time of work and use the money - you get the drift what kind of guy i'm dealing with?? I should also add - he buys her nothing to have at home, not even cloths, although he and his parents spend a fortune on making sure the best 'quality' is that theirs?!!!

Mine were the same at 1st, things were said about me in front of the kids. Its settled down now but you have to stand your ground with them. Explain by all means she can go to their house but shes only a child and if they have any problems discuss them with you not her. He probably isnt buying her anything because he knows his parents will. Thats how my ex partner is selfish and will do anything mammy tells him.